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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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AmazonQueen Offline
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what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - June 29th 2010, 10:15 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i was victimized by an uncle whom i love very much, i TRUSTED him, and he touched me, not under my clothes and only touched my chest, by the time i realized what was happening he had already stop it was only for like a few seconds, and idr if i told him to stop or a pulled away to cause that reaction or if he stopped on him own, it happened so fast he seems so severely sorry he spent over an hour BEGGING my forgiveness, we dont want anyone in the family to know but i want things to go back to the way they were before, but im afraid of him idk if i can trust him and i cant even look at him anymore my only thought it going to some sort of counsellor where maybe both abuser and victim can go together in one session and sort out the mountain of shit infront of them does something liek that exist? how do i deal with this im afraid to touch people nowi know it wasnt my fault i dont feel like myself anymore...what do i do to stablize myself? i believe he means his apologie, well i want to believe it, i love him and i hate him, he's suposed to be family

[edit] i am also worried because he broke his promise when he promised he would never do anything like that me to and now he did, im afraid everything he ever told me was a lie which would mean other people have been taken a advantage of (IF he was lying) but of course i want to belive he's not but he's not trust worthy i fear it may happen again one day, and what will happen the possible next time


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.

Last edited by AmazonQueen; June 30th 2010 at 01:58 AM.
   
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Re: what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - June 30th 2010, 05:34 PM

Hey there Jamie.

I'm sorry your uncle broke your trust so horribly. What he did was wrong and I hope you know that it was in no way your fault. I know how much it hurts when it's a family member that breaks that trust.

I'm not really sure if there is counseling where they bring the victim and abuser together, but even if it isn't an option, I still think therapy is a good idea for you. It takes time to feel safe and okay again and a therapist can really be there for you and help you work through this.

I also think you should talk to your parents about what happened. Even though he apologized and says he wont do it again, I still feel like you should have your parents on your side and maybe not be alone with him for awhile? It doesn't seem like you want to report him, but if he is ever inappropriate with you again, I definitely think you should.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - June 30th 2010, 07:25 PM

Having any type of abuse is hard and when your close to the person it just makes it so much more confusing. You must love your uncle because he is family but that becomes increasingly hard with a lack of trust. Maybe just hiring the boundaries and spending time with him when other people are around would help the situation. though, if your really uncomfortable its okay to not spend time with him anymore or at least not for a while.
If you want help processing or just want to vent feel free to pm me any time!
   
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Re: what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - June 30th 2010, 09:56 PM

thanks guys its a scary thing, im so torn i love him and i hate him i never would have thought this kind of thing could happen to me, especially not my own family, i really dont want my parents to know because i want it to be possible for things to go back to normal one day and if i tell them it never will, and rational and reasonable arnt in my mom vocabulary, i dont want anything to do with her either, she left me, but she would have to know cause theres unfortunately still contact with her every now and again, but she'd make me go and live with her which is waaay over reacting. I do want to see a therapist, do to my parents crap but this i guess will add to the list of things that fucked me up, i so want to call him and fix this but if i do it will be forgiving him too easy and letting him off the hook with what seems like a light warning, i am mad at myself because i didnt do more i wanted to start a fight with him right then and there i wanted to badly hurt him, but i didnt i just talk to him and intiminated him he shook my hand on a promise he wouldnt ever do anything like that again and out of reaction my other fist went up and he he BEGGED me not to hit him is was practically crying he seems sorry but he's a snake now im so confused, and at the same time i know it isnt my fault


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
   
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Re: what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - July 1st 2010, 12:41 AM

this is what abusers do. they make you feel that its your fault. Its not your fault and you need to make sure that your uncle knows what he did was not okay with you.you need to set serious boundaries. You can't let him think theres opportunity to do it again.

Do you live with your uncle?
   
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Re: what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - July 1st 2010, 02:30 AM

Jamie,

I understand that you love your uncle, but you are being far too trusting of him, even after he lied to you. The thing is that you can't pretend like this never happened, however easy that may seem. Even if you do work on it, there's little chance of your relationship going back to the way it was before he did this to you. More than likely your relationship is changed forever.

I do think you need therapy, but I don't think you need therapy to repair the relationship you have with your uncle, I think you need therapy to move on from this and learn to be happy regardless of where your relationship with you and your uncle stands, and THEN, once you have done this, to work on your relationship with him.

I think you need to forgive, but don't forget. I would be great if you could forget all of this happened, and return everything back to normal. But unfortunately, if you try to forget then more than likely you will only get hurt again. Forgive your uncle, but remain alert and cautious when you're around him. Don't forget.

I hope that you are able to deal with all of this and things get a bit easier soon. Good luck.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: what do you do when your victimized by someone close to you - July 1st 2010, 06:06 AM

thanks guys i really appreciate this help, he showed up outside my house and begged to talk to me face to face and for me to give him another chance i refused and threatened him to get off my property and hung up on him then i called my friend down the street his mom came and picked me up and we told my dad what happened together when he got home from the city my dad will talk to my uncle i should be safe now i hope


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
   
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