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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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CherryxPie Offline
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Question October 3rd 2010, 10:45 PM

It's a little bit difficult for me to talk about this, but I don't really know what to make of it :/ About a month ago I slept round a friend's house after drinking, I hadn't drunk much and was sober by the time we got back but he was very drunk. During the night he started to try to have sex with me and I said no several times and pushed him off but he didn't stop and pushed me down when I tried to get up and carried on. I was really really scared and I didn't know what to do, I cried and he still carried on and I kind of let it happen I was too frightened to do anything else. It was so painful and a terrible experience but I don't know what to make of it as he can't remember any of it and I blame myself for not trying harder.

I feel like I want to talk about what happened with someone but I feel like I am dragging it out unnecessarily and I should just forget about it? It Hasn't affected my life that much but it just sits there and grinds away sometimes on my mind and won't go away and little things that happen remind me of it and make me panic like my male friends holding me too tight when hugging or tickling me. I want to talk about it with my boyfriend but I'm feel like I'm being stupid? When it first happened I told people It had just been a mistake and I had been drunk because I didn't want people to hate him or make a big argument about it, but now I think about it and I feel different.

So I guess what I'm asking is was this rape? what can I do now to forget? should I talk about it or just leave it?

Thankyou

My name is Sophie btw

Last edited by Gaia; October 5th 2010 at 11:44 AM. Reason: merging double post
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 3rd 2010, 10:52 PM

Yes, this was rape.
You have every right to talk about it, and theres no way you should think you are being stupid about it.
What he did was very wrong, in my opinion you shouldnt really care if people would hate him or it would cause an arguement, but thats me.

If you want to talk about it, do it. But you really need to understand that it doesnt make you in the wrong in any way what so ever. Dont worry about being drunk, that would be an irrelevant factor. It happened, it was his fault.

Please dont feel as though you are being stupid. x


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Re: What do you think about this? - October 3rd 2010, 10:55 PM

Thank you so much, it's good to hear what someone else thinks x
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 3rd 2010, 11:09 PM

Hi Sophie! I'm Mary. Yes, it is rape. You should not allow yourself to feel stupid or like it is your fault.

You said, "It Hasn't affected my life that much but it just sits there and grinds away sometimes on my mind and won't go away and little things that happen remind me of it and make me panic like my male friends holding me too tight when hugging or tickling me."

To me Sophie, it is affecting you and it will continue. In many ways, I feel the same way and I'm affected in the same ways. Please try to talk with someone you trust, or a counselor, or a therapist. It will help you in so many ways. They can help you deal with feelings you may not have even thought of yet. I wish you all the best.
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 3rd 2010, 11:14 PM

Thank you very much for the advice Mary I'll try and talk to someone about it, I'm not sure how as I've just been acting fine about it for a month and to go back seems a bit strange, but you are right it would be better x
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 12:44 PM

You said to go back would be a bit strange but I think you haven't left it so it's been right there the whole time. As the others have said, yes it was rape and you do need to find someone to talk to about it. No one deserves to go through this for any reason. If he doesn't remember then maybe you should tell him what happened. Talking about it now is very important because otherwise it will be constantly on your mind and only getting worse. You'll never forget it. It will always be in your mind. Just like jellyfish and Mary said don't feel like you're stupid because of this and you do need to talk to someone about it.


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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 03:00 PM

WoW. Totally rape sis. Talk to your boyfriend about it. Let him smash that guys head to a freaking wall, and let him bleed out. Sorry maybe a little extreme. Let him just beat the shit out of him. Even if his drunk he should now what he can and cant do. I wen get drunk, I can still know if im doing the right thing, and i always try to hold back. I do some shitty stuff but i know when the finish line is.

If you want my opinion, hes acting. I bet my allowance that he know what he has done.I have seen many times such things (still havent done it myself through).

Sooooo... Was it your first time? If it was than that makes it 10 times worse. To take another girls first time and than not even knowing it (or at least acting). That guys should be banished from your friends.
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 03:08 PM

you need to talk about it. tell somebody who will listen and do something. i was raped and i never told anyone or got help. it was horrible and still haurnts me some number of years later. tell somebody


   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 03:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *weepingstar* View Post
you need to talk about it. tell somebody who will listen and do something. i was raped and i never told anyone or got help. it was horrible and still haurnts me some number of years later. tell somebody
Did you try to talk with somebody here?
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 05:09 PM

Thank you guys, the support means a lot

Jin_Leolee
No it wasn't my first time, but he was second person so a bit out of my comfort zone

x
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 05:21 PM

I just visited a few sites.Sorry that i have to tell you this, but: If you get raped by someone and just go with the flow and stop resisting after a short time and do it with him like it is with your boyfriend or lover, that considered cheating. Im sorry but that the truth.
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 4th 2010, 05:22 PM

Sophie hun...definitely this is rape. You didn't consent to it...you said "NO" several times and it was forced upon. Alcohol is never an excuse. I too think that he is "pretending" not to remember because he knows what he did was wrong-pretending is an easy cop-out.
Talk to someone whom you trust and isn't involved in any way first before telling your boyfriend or anyone else in your circle. Perhaps consider calling an anonymous rape line and speak to a support worker.
It is affecting your life or else you wouldn't be posting your situation here. The longer you try to ignore what happened to you...the larger the issue will grow. It will pop up in areas of your life that you don't want it to...well actually, it sounds like it already has (when you guy friends hold you too tight while hugging or tickling.) Not dealing with it doesn't make it disappear or go away on its own...its something that you really need to work through it so you can eventually put it behind you.
You have already with the first step to putting it behind you because you posted it on here and you are asking for help...
Talk to someone though...you can't work this one out on your own...


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Re: What do you think about this? - October 6th 2010, 11:10 AM

Sophie, I can only reiterate what everyone else has said. I have experienced something similar and didn't tell anyone until I joined teenhelp a couple of years ago. Please talk to someone, if only to get it off your chest; it will really help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jin_Leolee View Post
I just visited a few sites.Sorry that i have to tell you this, but: If you get raped by someone and just go with the flow and stop resisting after a short time and do it with him like it is with your boyfriend or lover, that considered cheating. Im sorry but that the truth.
I find this statement almost offensive. Is this your view, or something someone has told you or you have read about?

I don't know if you've experienced it, but I'm sure you understand that having someone force themself onto you is extremely frightening. If it happens repeatedly, some may see that the only way to essentially 'get it over and done with' is to stop resisting. Resisting may make the situation worse; the person could become even more violent. To stop resisting is not the same as 'doing it with him like it is with your boyfriend or lover'. I would suggest that it simply means that the victim has discovered that resistance doesn't work.
Cheating would suggest that the sex is consensual. You said 'if you get raped by someone...' Rape is never, in any case, consensual.


"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" ~ Ernest Gaines

She was whole before that night,
Believed in heaven before that night,
And she's not the only one,
She knows she won't be the only one.
She's not asking what you're going to tell your daughter,
She's asking what you're going to teach your son.

Last edited by DragonRider; October 6th 2010 at 11:46 AM.
   
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Re: What do you think about this? - October 6th 2010, 09:55 PM

You tell ME I dont know about those kind of things.

A few weeks back I was almost raped by a guy! A GUY!!!
Its over now, he go into jail but i still get flashbacks from when he touched me a almost got me naked. Got damn it. If there's one thing i know that what it feels to get raped or almost to get raped.
And dont tell me about trying to get free. The guy was strong. Weary strong!
I have a feeling that that is the reason because of my little problem.
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f14-m...56428-harming/

Sorry i should not be talking about that here, i just get such a strange feeling thinking about it.
I will open e thread for this.
   
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