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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Linds Offline
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Flashback Spaz - October 13th 2010, 01:12 PM

Last night was horrible. I was with my boyfriend and everything was going great until I had a flashback. FML. I started spazzing I saw the whole thing again. He thinks he did somethin wrong(he doesn't know I was raped). When I told him he didn't he just said "yea sure". I feel so bad that he feels like this but at the same time I can't help it that I had a flashback and we just happened to be laying down(him on top in a sexual way not forced) and I freaked. I felt so bad about it. I feel even worse that he thinks it's his fault. How can I make him understand it's not his fault?
   
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Re: Flashback Spaz - October 13th 2010, 05:26 PM

Tell him that you were raped. Explain that you had a flashback last night. flashbacks can be trigged by stuff that maynot be obviously related.


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Re: Flashback Spaz - October 13th 2010, 05:36 PM

I think it is really important that you share your previous experiences with your boyfriend so that he can support you. It will help to make things a lot better within your relationship and he will be able to support and understand what you are going through. It is really important to be open within a relationship and it will help him know that he wasn't responsible for your upset the other day.

I think you should speak to him about this and I feel that it will make your relationship stronger.

Take care.



   
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Re: Flashback Spaz - October 13th 2010, 06:52 PM

I agree with everything Tayla said - communication can truly make or break a relationship. Until you talk things through with him, he's going to continue to feel confused or like he did something wrong, and (especially if this happens again) it may strain your relationship. If you're serious about this relationship, and if you care about him, sooner or later you will have to talk about what happened in your past and how it's affected you.

This is a really scary thing to do! Talking about rape. Remember that you don't have to tell him the full story at once, and you don't even have to go into specifics if you're not quite comfortable doing so. Something like "I was hurt by someone, and it still affects me sometimes, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet" will do. You don't have to go into details if you're not ready to, but you do need to tell him something. If he cares about you, he'll want to support you and help you through this.

Best of luck and take really good care of yourself, I'm here if you need anything.



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Re: Flashback Spaz - October 13th 2010, 06:57 PM

I think that you should tell him you were raped. If you don't feel comfortable with doing that then just reassure him that he didn't do anything wrong and that you just had a flash back. He should understand and be supportive. If you look at it from his point of view, he is probably thinking "What did I do wrong? Is it me?".

He would think this because he has no idea about your past, so of course he would think it's him. I personally think that you should tell him. maybe not in full detail. But something so he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Talking about it may be hard and scary. I like Sarah's idea of what to say if you aren't completely comfortable. It's a great way to approach it.

Take care


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Re: Flashback Spaz - October 14th 2010, 03:11 AM

Thank you for all the advice. I tried to talk to him tonight. It all came out in a fast bulrted out way but he seemed to understand. He didn't say anything he just grabbed me and held me. He still won't talk to me and I told him hours ago. Did I do something wrong then..
   
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Re: Flashback Spaz - October 14th 2010, 10:37 AM

That's amazing that you talked to him, Lindsey - I'm sure it was really hard, and you should be very proud of yourself for taking such a huge step.

It's not that you did anything wrong. It's very difficult to know how to react when you find out someone you care about was hurt in such a horrible way. He may not have known how to react, what to say, how to process what you'd told him and so on. Give him a bit of time to process this, remember it's a lot to take in. If you want, try talking to him again about his reaction.. one on level you may understand that his reaction was normal but talking more about this could help you truly believe that he's not going to leave, that you didn't do anything wrong etc. Talk to him about how he reacted, give him a chance to tell you what he's thinking and feeling - and tell him what's on your mind, too. Maybe talk to him about ways he can help you, because again, it can be difficult to know how to help without experience. What may seem obvious to you may not seem obvious to him, and talking about it could help to clear things up.

Again - you did a GREAT job, be proud of yourself!



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