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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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What my mom does - October 25th 2010, 04:00 AM

I don't know if this belongs here or not but I figured Id try.

I posted in here about a month ago about me going to therapy to deal with all my sexual abuse that I've gone through up and til now but this time is different.

My mom has physically abused me for ab 15 years and I've been afraid to tell, and the times I did I ended up falling back and not going through the steps I needed to like foster care etc because of the fear I had. One thing I didn't touch on is this, I don't really know if it's wrong for my mother to this or not.

My mom is a very sexual person and it's something that he struggles with, but the issue is that, when she does to that stuff...I'm there for it. I remember I was in the bed with her around like 7 or 8 and her then boyfriend at the time came into the bed and they ended up...well yea. I've been in the next room while shes done stuff like that and I've been in the same room as well. Like they're on the chair and I'm on the sofa. When I leave it's "where are you goin " or "why are you leaving" things like that and it makes me so scared a d uncomfortable. I feel helpless all over again and the fear I have of her...I don't know. This weekend the same stuff happened and the thing that freaked me out the most is that she turned on the hbo porn type stuff and told me to watch it. I think she was joking but I don't know if she was or not. But that really freaked me out. My friend doesnt understand why it bothers me so I'm wondering if it even should. Like is what she's doing bad or is it just me not understanding that she needs to have a life too? She knows it makes me uncomfortable and shell apologize and try to make it up to me so I guess it is bad. I don't know. When she does this none of her friends ever touched me, it's just me being there to see it and not being as to leave. Sometimes if im not in the room then im in mine and I cant leave till they're done and that can be the next morning so going to the bathroom isnt going to happen. Again I don't know if it's bad or not. The funny thing is as I'm writing this she's at it right now and im next to it. Crazy huh? Can someone help me make sense of it?
   
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Re: What my mom does - October 25th 2010, 05:09 AM

Hey there,

I do think what your mother is doing is wrong. Part of sexual abuse is being exposed to things you shouldn't be.

Quote:
Child sexual abuse is any time that a child is engaged in a sexual situation with an older person. It can include actual physical contact, such as fondling or rape, but it also includes making a child watch sexual acts or pornography, using a child in any aspect of the production of pornography, or making a child look at an adult's genitals.
Your mom should be protecting you from seeing these things, not forcing it on you.

I really think you should talk to someone about this. Is there an adult in your life you could talk to? A teacher, coach, school counselor? You don't have to go through this alone. There are a lot of people out there willing to help and willing to listen.

I hope you're doing okay. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
<3 Emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Unhappy Re: What my mom does - October 25th 2010, 08:10 AM

I never thought it was that bad. Like I don't want to believe it because it just doesn't seem real. I'm so used to having people to stuff to me that when it says it doesn't have to be touchin at all, it's weird to me. I dont know...I'm older now and it still freaks me out. The thing that kills me is that she asked me today if it bothers me when they go in the room to talk and I said know but then she didn't ask me about the other stuff they do. Then a few hours later they're full on doin stuff. She lies to me and that's what hurts the most. My whole life ive dealt with that. Like she doesn't have a revolving door but it seemed like it. I remember one time i was in my rom and it was dark in the living room and she was walking a guy to her room and he followed her and as he's walking he turns his head to look at me and he smiled and he went to my moms room and that freaked me out. This weekend tho just really got to me. It sucks because the guys aha with now she's most likely gonna marry and I like him and all but...I just don't like what they do. I told one of my social workers and she said that it wasn't bad bit bad because I couldn't go to the bathroom. If what my mom did wit the tv happened when I had my social worker I wonder if it would have been had then too. I talked to my sister today whos also a counselor and she talked about boundaries I could set but
idk. It's just hard and a scary situation to be in and I feel like I'm going to lose
my mind. I just want to feel comfortable. She knows it makes me feel uncomfortable so why does she do that still?
   
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Re: What my mom does - October 27th 2010, 02:31 AM

Hi!
I understand your situation. My mom has abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. I spend half my days crying and I wish I could move out but I'm still too young. Do you have anyone else that you could trust, maybe a teacher, a coach, or a trusted family member? Maybe you could leave.
   
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Re: What my mom does - October 27th 2010, 03:54 AM

It is a scary situation to be in and it's okay to feel that way. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in your own home. I think you should try talking to your mom again. Maybe right her a letter? Explain to her again how her actions make you feel and ask her if she could confine her sexual life to the bedroom. Your sister was right to recommend you set boundaries.

If she doesn't change, I think you should talk to your social worker. Explain all the situations your mother has put you in and ask her for help. If that social worker wont help, talk to a different one. What your mom's doing is wrong and you deserve to have someone on your side.


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Re: What my mom does - October 27th 2010, 02:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Release9 View Post
Hi!
I understand your situation. My mom has abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. I spend half my days crying and I wish I could move out but I'm still too young. Do you have anyone else that you could trust, maybe a teacher, a coach, or a trusted family member? Maybe you could leave.
yea. i've thought about leaving but im no where near ready to be on my own and people in my family arent able to help because for 1 they dont know and 2 alot of them have other family members theyre taking care of and thered be no room honestly. its a crappy situation but i have to get used to it again so...idk.
   
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Angry Re: What my mom does - October 27th 2010, 02:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily. View Post
It is a scary situation to be in and it's okay to feel that way. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in your own home. I think you should try talking to your mom again. Maybe right her a letter? Explain to her again how her actions make you feel and ask her if she could confine her sexual life to the bedroom. Your sister was right to recommend you set boundaries.

If she doesn't change, I think you should talk to your social worker. Explain all the situations your mother has put you in and ask her for help. If that social worker wont help, talk to a different one. What your mom's doing is wrong and you deserve to have someone on your side.

ive talked to her and its really just no point in it because its her business...even though its in front of my face and makes me feel bad. its weird though because sometimes she will go in her room, but the door will be open so its not conceilled at all. my fear is that shell hit me or just get mad. sad part is id rather her hit me than have to feel this way. its been going on everyday since thursday and ive been praying that i could atleast get a day of nothin so i could regroup and be able to deal with it fresh. ive dealt with this stuff for so long when i was little and now that it resurfaced again i just feel like im 8 again and all these feelings come back. ive broken down at school almost everyday this week and i talked to my mentor a little about it and she told me to talk to my counselor. so i talked to her and we were trying to find ways for me to zone out or whatever and so far we came up with tv, headphones, and my idea was to take my meds before stuff happens so that ill be sleepy(im on pain medicine for my chrons disease and they make me sleepy. just wanted to clarify because i didnt want to sound like an addict lol) my sister is a social worker(i think the counseling kind) and she said the same thing about it being abuse and that its not ok. its just weird to hear. like i can deal with her being physically abusive because thats not as bad...well it is, but the other one sounds really bad and idk how to accept that really. i dont know its just a big mess.
   
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