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Nightmare Offline
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update I suppose /= - October 29th 2010, 12:16 AM

Hey. I guess I don't really have much of a point in posting here other than to update and get it off my chest at least for a few minutes.

This is in reference to this thread:
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f13-r...t-should-i-do/

I guess the title alone is enough to give it away.
...
I talked to her about it first, and I guess her fear and her tears convinced me to delay...she said, "wait until he does something again, then go to them. He hasn't hit us or gotten high in a week."
...
So I waited...prepared the IM logs and waited. And he was a complete asshole multiple times and began getting high again, mental abuse continuing but no physical or sexual as far as I was told (though I have my doubts.)
...
Last night there was a terrible fight in their household. He was cursing out everybody, calling the mother a "f***ing cheating whore" when all she does is work to put food on the table, getting up at 4:30 and going to bed by 9; screaming at my friend to the point where she cut again and not even I could stop her...I was truly powerless.
...
So today I went into guidance to talk to her councilor when coincidentally she walked in...realized why I was there and freaked out...
...
For all her tears, all her obvious resistance and despite the fact that I could barely hold the flash drive I had brought containing the IM logs I handed it over to the councilor and explained everything I could while she broke down.
...
Now she doesn't trust me, is still talking to me but only barely. I guess I just need to give it time but I don't know.
She's scared and I realized while I shook in the guidance office how scared I am.
I don't want to lose my closest friend but I'm afraid I just did.
...
So I guess I wanted to say that I finally after a month did what I should have done, but I suppose I need to post here for some reassurance...

Did I do the right thing or should I have respected her wishes to let it be?
Did I wait too long?
Does she hate me??
idk. I'm just scared...DCF was called and now the secret is out but I don't really know what's going to happen...
   
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Re: update I suppose /= - October 29th 2010, 12:44 AM

Wow. First I want to say you did do the right thing. You looked out for you friend and you cared enough to find help for her and thats always the right thing to do. I was just like your friend, I told a few of my bestfriends things and they told our school counselor. I hated them for it and I even hated one of my favorite teachers who would later be the one to almost adopt me. In all of that, I later realized that my friends were doing me a favor by helping me out. I wasn't strong enough to tell anyone so they acted as my voice. Later I ended up thanking them because if it wasnt for them, I wouldn't be out of a certain situation I was in. I'm still in a crappy crappy crappy situation, but it's better than the one I was in before and I owe it all to them because if not...I'd most likely would have killed myself. So you did a great thing and if she really is your friend, she will understand and will thank you. It may not be now but it'll come.
   
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Re: update I suppose /= - October 29th 2010, 04:50 AM

Thank you (= that helps more than you'd know
   
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Re: update I suppose /= - October 29th 2010, 05:44 AM

honestly anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you what you did was very brave and yes she might be sad and angry but thats because she is probably scared of the unknown you have done the absolutely right thing and once things are sorted out im sure she will see that you did the right thing what you did was extremely brave honestly its fantastic im really proud of you and remember where all here for support.

Did I do the right thing or should I have respected her wishes to let it be? you did the right thing you protected her from further abuse and stopped it from possibly happening to siblings and other girls
Did I wait too long? the fact you told was brave some people wait years before they open up about these issues
Does she hate me? she most probably doesnt hate you is just angry but thats because shes afraid
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Re: update I suppose /= - October 29th 2010, 06:05 AM

=) no problem man. It's the truth and you'll feel better about in time. Once she realizes what you did can help, then youll feel relieved. Hang in there. *hugs*
   
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Re: update I suppose /= - October 29th 2010, 06:26 PM

Hey,

You have every right to feel afraid; this is a really scary situation to be in. Of course you care about your friend, and you wanted to help. You were afraid for her safety and you wanted to do what was best, you wanted to make sure she was safe from her father. You did the right thing in talking to her school.

I've been in her position numerous times, where a close friend has told my parents or the school something I wanted to keep secret. I was afraid, because I knew a lot of things were going to change once people knew, and I was really angry at the people who broke my trust. Especially since it was SO hard to talk about it in the first place. Right now, your friend is feeling a lot of things. She's probably overwhelmed by everything that's going on, scared of what's going to be changing, scared about the future, scared about what's going to be happening to her, and to her family.. this is a lot for her to take in and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she held things back from you so you wouldn't tell her secret. (During the month she said there wasn't any sexual abuse.)

Sometimes, though.. all the overwhelming thoughts and feelings can cloud judgement and keep you from seeing clearly. Right now, she's going through a lot. It's naturally going to be hard for her to understand that you just wanted to help, and that you told because you care about her. She's bound to be angry, but I think the anger is more of a response to the fear she's feeling. Anger could be her method of expressing how she's feeling, it could be her way of coping. Or, she may not be expressing anger - she may be isolating herself from you, or bottling up. Whatever she's doing, try to realize that it's not because she's truly angry at you, or because she hates you or anything - it's probably just because she doesn't know what else to do, or how to react. It's just her way of coping.

You may want to give her some space for a little while. She may need time to sort through her head, understand how she's feeling and realize why it's a good thing that the police have been informed of what's going on at home. The first time a friend of mine talked to my parents, I didn't want to see her or talk to her for a while, because it took me so long to process what had happened, and to be able to see she just wanted to help. So space might be what your friend needs right now.. but then again, a lot is changing for her and she may end up needing a close friend, someone she trusts, to make it easier for her to cope. Ultimately, you know your friend best - if you think she's going to need space, give her space. But if you think she doesn't want to be alone, and that she wants the support, give her that. If you're not sure what she needs right now, talk to her.. talk things through with her.

You did the right thing, okay? Talking to someone for her took a lot of strength and bravery and courage, but it was the right thing to do. Whatever happens next, remember that your friend is safe now, and she's going to have access to the help she needs in order to heal. Remember to take good care of YOU, too, because again - this is a scary thing for BOTH of you to be going through, and you deserve help dealing with this as well. I'm always around if you want to talk about anything, hang in there.



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