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x_sepi_x Offline
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how do you let it out? - November 13th 2010, 12:19 PM

ive been going for councelling for ages, it's been like well over a year but ryt now i dnt feel like it's working.. well the thing is i started off going for councelling coz i had depression and i was self-harming. going there and talking to my councellor made me realise that i was going through all these things because i'd been sexually abused as a child. it's been a quite a few months since we first approached the topic but since then i've got no futher in talking about it. i just can't seem to open up to her about the actual abuse and i tend to avoid the topic when she asks me something about it. it's all there in my mouth what i want to say but i just can't say it. i think my councellor is tired of working with me, i mean it's been so long with so little progress im sure anyone would be... i feel like im going worse, i now self-harm on a regular basis and ive also developed an eating disorder. at the moment i feel like im at breaking point, i just don't know how to cope with my feelings and memories but i don't know how to make it better.. what do i do?
   
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 13th 2010, 03:53 PM

Do you want to tell your counselor about the abuse you just physically can't?


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Re: how do you let it out? - November 13th 2010, 04:10 PM

yeah i do wanna tell hercoz ithink it's come to that point where i just can't keep it in me anymore but i just can't get the words out of me.
   
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 13th 2010, 07:16 PM

Have you tried to right it in a letter?


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Re: how do you let it out? - November 14th 2010, 10:00 AM

no not really, i wouldn't know what to write.
   
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 15th 2010, 04:32 PM

I feel if your counselor is giving any indication of being tired of working with you then it is time to find a new counselor. Talking about things can be extremely hard even if its with a counselor, but with one who may be giving off signals of being tired of working with you. I think it would be even harder to open up. It may be time to find a new counselor. They are suppose to be there for you, and give you the time you need, and the tools to help you. Writing things down is very good too. I do it all the time. You said you wouldn't know what to write, but you also said the words are in your mouth. Give yourself some time and I think you could put your words into writing. I wish you all the best.
   
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 15th 2010, 06:45 PM

I think that Mary is right, If you are even noticeing signs that your counseler does not want to work with you anymore, then I would start to look for a new one. Like the others said though, a letter is a good way to go. I know you said that you had no idea what to write in your letter, so maybe think about it like this. I don't know if the abuse was repetative, but if so start with the first thing that you remeber about it and work your way until the end. If it was a one time incedent then describe the one time incednet, just let it spill onto the pages. It will probably be a hard thing to do, but getting it out is usually a huge help in feeling better.

As for you self harming and the eating disorder that you said you have developed, I suggest that you really look into getting somehelp with that, I know you already have a counsler so try telling her. She can probably find some programs to help you. Eating Disorders are not something to mess around with, they can be very dangerous. So please get the help that you deserve.
If you need anything feel free to P.M. me

Take care,
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 16th 2010, 01:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by x_sepi_x View Post
ive been going for councelling for ages, it's been like well over a year but ryt now i dnt feel like it's working.. well the thing is i started off going for councelling coz i had depression and i was self-harming. going there and talking to my councellor made me realise that i was going through all these things because i'd been sexually abused as a child. it's been a quite a few months since we first approached the topic but since then i've got no futher in talking about it. i just can't seem to open up to her about the actual abuse and i tend to avoid the topic when she asks me something about it. it's all there in my mouth what i want to say but i just can't say it. i think my councellor is tired of working with me, i mean it's been so long with so little progress im sure anyone would be... i feel like im going worse, i now self-harm on a regular basis and ive also developed an eating disorder. at the moment i feel like im at breaking point, i just don't know how to cope with my feelings and memories but i don't know how to make it better.. what do i do?
For me, I didn't even get a tad better until 4 1/2 years of counseling. (It had actually gotten worse last year and better this year) It takes time for counseling to help, but you have to realize you can't just depend on counseling to make you happier. The only reason why I'm better now is because I changed things myself. If you're not comfortable with telling her, then maybe write her a letter? It takes time to fully open up to someone, so give it time alright? And I'm always here If you need someone to talk to alright?


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Re: how do you let it out? - November 16th 2010, 01:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvflamingos View Post
I feel if your counselor is giving any indication of being tired of working with you then it is time to find a new counselor. Talking about things can be extremely hard even if its with a counselor, but with one who may be giving off signals of being tired of working with you. I think it would be even harder to open up. It may be time to find a new counselor. They are suppose to be there for you, and give you the time you need, and the tools to help you. Writing things down is very good too. I do it all the time. You said you wouldn't know what to write, but you also said the words are in your mouth. Give yourself some time and I think you could put your words into writing. I wish you all the best.
I agree with this.
I had a therapist last year at the same therapy building that I am at now, and she didn't care one bit about me and would only listen to my mother and never wanted to talk to me. So, I got a new one, and now the therapist I have now is the best therapist I've ever had. (I've had 9 for understandable reasons) So If they are not working out, try to find a new therapist and if there is not another therapist in that building find one in another building (I went to 5 different buildings, even one almost two hours from my house) Bring this to your guardian's attention, that your therapist isn't doing their job..or even tell your therapist.
I would at first, put down on a piece of paper key points that you'd want to talk about, then in time write paragraphs detailing and such.

Like for example..let's say you went to a concert and someone spilled a drink on you, and the band was horrible and you fell asleep on the way home. (That was the first example that came in my head ha)
This is what you'd do at first.
Key Points:

-drink
-horrible band
-slept

Then in time write down next to the key points what happened and such and the details, and then just hand that to her.
It'll be okay. <3


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Re: how do you let it out? - November 16th 2010, 05:26 PM

i know what your all saying but i have problems trusting people. it took me a lot of time to trust the councellor im with at the moment and i'd hate to go through that all over again with a new councellor; i'd find it really hard to trust a whole new person. she has helped alot but i know that it's up to me now to go that next step futher but i just can't do it. i tried last night to write stuff down and i did manage to write abit but it was mostly about the way im feeling now, much of what she already knows. i just don't have the energy to do anything anymorenow,im sotired of dealing with all this crap..

my parents don't know im going for councelling, i do this totally on my own.. if they ever knew i was going for councelling i'd probably be locked in my room for ever.. they don't understand..
   
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 16th 2010, 08:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by x_sepi_x View Post
i know what your all saying but i have problems trusting people. it took me a lot of time to trust the councellor im with at the moment and i'd hate to go through that all over again with a new councellor; i'd find it really hard to trust a whole new person. she has helped alot but i know that it's up to me now to go that next step futher but i just can't do it. i tried last night to write stuff down and i did manage to write abit but it was mostly about the way im feeling now, much of what she already knows. i just don't have the energy to do anything anymorenow,im sotired of dealing with all this crap..

my parents don't know im going for councelling, i do this totally on my own.. if they ever knew i was going for councelling i'd probably be locked in my room for ever.. they don't understand..
I am very sorry to hear this, I do agree with you that It's up to you now. She is there to help you, though don't feel pressured to tell her things. If you're not comfortable give it more time. I'm sure eventually when you trust her enough you'll be able to write her a letter or even tell her yourself.
That to me doesn't sound right. A parent should just even attempt to understand you. I'm sure in time If you tell them, they'll understand, even just a bit. Again, If you need someone to talk to or anything feel free to contact me. <3


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Re: how do you let it out? - November 17th 2010, 10:37 AM

Hey Saba,

I know it's hard to open up, I'm trying to figure out how to do that myself. Maybe you could write the letter to her and give it to her next time you go and she could read it and discuss it with you. Also, if you feel she's getting tired of you, then you should try to either get a new counselor or open up, maybe she for some reason doesn't understand that it's hard for you to talk about what happened even after all this time, she should understand and respect you and give you all the time you need, so it's unfortunate that she appears to be ignoring you. You are not alone though, if you ever need anyone, all of TeenHelp is here and you can send me a PM if you ever need to, I'll be glad to listen and help.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: how do you let it out? - November 17th 2010, 02:41 PM

thanks guys.. im not gonna go for my seesion this week, i just don't have the energy, maybe next week i'll go instead and hopefully by then i'll have written something that i can give to her..
   
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