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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
kokorocks Offline
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No one cares - November 13th 2010, 11:35 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so I haven't told a lot of people about this, but throughout my life I had been physically and verbally abused by my sister, mother and father. And still am by my mother.
My sister - my sister was the worse back then. She'd beat me up until my face was all bloodied and I was unconscious. And multiple times she's strangled me and attempted to kill me.
My father - my dad was next in line for the worst. He would grab me by my neck and throw me to the ground, slam my face against a wall and punch me. I have had bruises on my legs because of it and a hole in my lip from him grabbing me by the neck and slamming my head against a wall.
My mother - Well, until recently she was the least worst. She had only twice grabbed me by my neck and thrown me to the ground and one time into a chair. But recently she's been shoving the door against me, and this Halloween she charged me (which she does almost every day) punched me in the head, slammed me against a table and I had to end up grabbing her by her hair and pushing her off me. It was my first time calling the police.

The only reasoning behind why I was suicidal back then was because of my parents. When I would stay months at mental hospitals I would be suicidal there because I didn't want to go back home and I felt safe away from them, and I'd only feel better about going home in the end because they would always promise me that they'd change. (I've been in five mental hospitals)

While in the mental hospitals, my parents would lie about touching me and say that I would punch/charge/kick them. And no one gave a second thought about it.

For years I had been not telling anyone, because my parents would tell me If I told anyone I would be taken away and mommy and daddy would get in trouble and I'd be a horrible person. So the first time I told someone I was going into sixth grade, (I told one of my therapist) and even then no one cared or did anything about it. Since then I've had 8 different therapists, and none of them did anything about it.

The only time that someone did something was when I was in one of my hospitalizations and the doctor got in contact with DCYF and DCYF only talked to my parents, but never to me, and dropped the case.

And when the police came that one time they did nothing about it. Even when I told them about the past history of abuse against me, all they said was, "Well, just stay in different rooms." And they left.

Just today my mother screamed at me because she was calling me a bitch, an asshole ect. (She calls me those names about 4-5 times a day even when I tell her to stop and we've had "family discussions" where it included me asking her to stop say those things to me) and I told her to "Shut up" and she turned around at me, screamed in my face even more and said, "YOU FUCKING BITCH! I AM NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR ABUSE! I'M SENDING YOU AWAY!" (Every day she threatens send me "Away" because every time she wants to send me away it's because she wants to send me back to the hospital so they can put me in a group home. My mother has made so many attempts to get me out of my house.

I'm starting to feel suicidal again because of my parents. I don't plan on doing anything because I'm not like that anymore. I just would love so much If I wasn't alive right now. And I've been thinking about cutting again.

Even now when I tell my therapist, she just says, "Oh." and moves onto another subject. She doesn't even talk to my parents about it. I know this because I've asked her, and my parents never get calls, so when they do I always sit in the room with them, because I'm always paranoid that It's a mental hospital or a group home calling because my parents got in contact with them.

It would make me so much happier If I lived with someone else. But I have no family members or friends that could take me in.
Today i cried so hard and for so long (I hadn't cried for months before today) because I just wished I had an okay love, where I didn't have to constantly worry about getting punched in the face. And my childhood was ruined because of the abuse. I'm not religious at all, but recently I've been praying that I lived with people who actually care for me. It's so hard just even growing up as a child and having no one care for you and getting abused everyday, but as a teenager when life is already hard, but then you have to deal with that on top of it.

I know if I moved out, I would no longer suicidal and not cut, because recently (about a couple months ago) i changed my attitude in life and realized I don't care about what others think of me and why waste life being upset all the time? But for me, and having that attitude with my family is the hardest thing ever.

I don't know what to do about this, because no one is listening to me and no one is doing anything about it.

That's all I can think of right now, but If I think of anything else I'll make a post including it.

Advice/comments ect welcomed. Thank you. <3


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Re: No one cares - November 14th 2010, 12:57 AM

Hi there, Damien.

First of all, I'm so sorry you've been through all this. I think it's awful the way you've been treated, and I care. I may not know you personally but I care about what's happening in your life and I know you don't deserve this abuse. Nobody does. You are totally innocent.

It's not right that the police and your therapists aren't helping. It's difficult to know what to say, I guess, but it's their job to help you and they don't seem to be making much effort. I can only urge you to keep trying. Keep telling people, because the more you tell them, the less they can ignore it. You need somebody to help you put a stop to this. I know you've tried before, but please keep trying and trying because this can't go on.

I know I can't help directly, but I will listen if you need to talk to me. Feel free to PM me for anything, any time.

Take care and stay strong. <3




   
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Re: No one cares - November 14th 2010, 01:04 AM

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Originally Posted by handgrenadeheart View Post
Hi there, Damien.

First of all, I'm so sorry you've been through all this. I think it's awful the way you've been treated, and I care. I may not know you personally but I care about what's happening in your life and I know you don't deserve this abuse. Nobody does. You are totally innocent.

It's not right that the police and your therapists aren't helping. It's difficult to know what to say, I guess, but it's their job to help you and they don't seem to be making much effort. I can only urge you to keep trying. Keep telling people, because the more you tell them, the less they can ignore it. You need somebody to help you put a stop to this. I know you've tried before, but please keep trying and trying because this can't go on.

I know I can't help directly, but I will listen if you need to talk to me. Feel free to PM me for anything, any time.

Take care and stay strong. <3
Thank you for caring. <3 It's nice to know that someone does. I will keep trying, I decided a couple weeks ago that I"d make a very emotional letter to my therapist telling her how bad it is that she doesn't do anything about it, and how it's not okay and how hard it is. I'm just trying to figure out the right things to say.
But thank you again. <3


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Re: No one cares - November 14th 2010, 03:42 AM

Im so sorry all of this has happened to you <3 I'd just like you to know that you're deffinately not alone i totally understand, infact i was in a similar situation to urs with some other stuff around it too and i would have killed myself had i not went to Jesus. Now i know you said you arent very religious but guess what i hate religion. Infact so does Jesus...which i know sounds weird but believe it or not all he really wants is a relationship with you like a normal person except he is so loving and accepting that its even better than any humans relationship with you. All the time I've known him he has loved me and cared for me, been there all the time, known all the right things to say...honestly you might not want to hear this but I think if you let Jesus really connect with you u know made some time for him...gave him a chance i think you would find that he is what ur searching for and can help you get through. Im not saying that once you have him life is going to be perfect but i can tell you that it is alot better with him. Jesus wants to be with you hes been waiting since you were born for you to let him in so that he can show you his love compassion grace mercy and all that he is. And he will believe the things you tell him about your family because he already knows hes just waiting for you to ask him so that he can help you. Hes the best Dad you will ever have i give you my word <3 If you ever need to talk dont hesitate to ask him and also im open too if you want to, even if you dont want this solution. But i really hope you do try because you dont know how much Jesus has fixed up my life and Got me through things most people cant get through...And i want that for others too and so does Jesus<3 so i hope i didnt offend you by saying anything in here because i am trying to help you, but id just like you to know that Jesus loves you more than anyone else can and he wants you so much.
   
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Re: No one cares - November 14th 2010, 03:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda-Marie View Post
Im so sorry all of this has happened to you <3 I'd just like you to know that you're deffinately not alone i totally understand, infact i was in a similar situation to urs with some other stuff around it too and i would have killed myself had i not went to Jesus. Now i know you said you arent very religious but guess what i hate religion. Infact so does Jesus...which i know sounds weird but believe it or not all he really wants is a relationship with you like a normal person except he is so loving and accepting that its even better than any humans relationship with you. All the time I've known him he has loved me and cared for me, been there all the time, known all the right things to say...honestly you might not want to hear this but I think if you let Jesus really connect with you u know made some time for him...gave him a chance i think you would find that he is what ur searching for and can help you get through. Im not saying that once you have him life is going to be perfect but i can tell you that it is alot better with him. Jesus wants to be with you hes been waiting since you were born for you to let him in so that he can show you his love compassion grace mercy and all that he is. And he will believe the things you tell him about your family because he already knows hes just waiting for you to ask him so that he can help you. Hes the best Dad you will ever have i give you my word <3 If you ever need to talk dont hesitate to ask him and also im open too if you want to, even if you dont want this solution. But i really hope you do try because you dont know how much Jesus has fixed up my life and Got me through things most people cant get through...And i want that for others too and so does Jesus<3 so i hope i didnt offend you by saying anything in here because i am trying to help you, but id just like you to know that Jesus loves you more than anyone else can and he wants you so much.
I'm an atheist, tho I have been studying into buddhism and are interested in it. I don't count on others to make my life better, I count on myself. Only I can make my own life better. And I personally don't believe in Jesus, so your advice really doesn't apply to me, I'm sorry. But I respect your opinion and willingness to help. So thank you for that.


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Re: No one cares - November 16th 2010, 01:12 PM

As a Youth Pastor it saddens me to hear things like this happening to anyone first of all but to a teen because it's such a critical time of life. You should be hanging out with friends, enjoying life, and other things like that. I would encourage you to find someone on here you can open up to and whatever you do, do not keep this to yourself. I'm a pastor for teenagers so I would like to help if you want. I won't think negative of you for anything so don't be afraid because of that. Also, it's fine if you talk to someone else. You helping yourself it out is the most important thing.


To the world you might be one person but to one person you might be the world

Failure isn't when you get knocked down, it's when you don't get back up
   
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Re: No one cares - November 16th 2010, 01:26 PM

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Originally Posted by pastor_of_youth View Post
As a Youth Pastor it saddens me to hear things like this happening to anyone first of all but to a teen because it's such a critical time of life. You should be hanging out with friends, enjoying life, and other things like that. I would encourage you to find someone on here you can open up to and whatever you do, do not keep this to yourself. I'm a pastor for teenagers so I would like to help if you want. I won't think negative of you for anything so don't be afraid because of that. Also, it's fine if you talk to someone else. You helping yourself it out is the most important thing.
Yes, I agree. I'd like that. Thank you. <3


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