Have YOU become your Biggest Abuser?!

[CanadaCraig]

Hi Everyone!!

I hope you're having a super duper day!!

Just looking back on MY life - I know that I became [And still AM] my biggest abuser. I was bullied a lot when I as in school - and not treated very kindly by my family members. [Much of the time - at least] But if I look back over the years - it has been ME who have been the most abusive of ME!! And I see that with a lot of victims of abuse. The bully victim often becomes his own bully. In many instances - he or she has become their OWN worse enemy. Now some of you might be saying to yourself, "Well I never raped myself!" And that's true. But if you are someone who was raped - how have YOU treated YOU in response to that most awful form of abuse?! Have you treated yourself with kindness, compassion and respect? Or have to you somehow convinced yourself that something 'must' be wrong with you and that you are - therefore - not worthy of being treated nicely?!

Abuse is an awful thing - as many of you know. But what's worse is when WE end up abusing ourselves - in one way or another - in response TO that abuse.

So I ask....

Have YOU become your biggest abuser?!

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

[Magical Forest.]

Yeah I guess I did become my biggest abuser. I was emotionally abused as a child and I turned that all in on myself and used it in every single way to punish myself. I was repeating what they told me, I was continuing the abuse... Which makes me feel quite sad actually.

After I was raped... The abuse I gave to myself was so much worse, I was putting myself through so much pain.

x

[soul]

Amen to that! I think about that all the time... especially with how often i replay things in my head I definitely think that I continuously torture myself about things.... people have told me to "just stop thinking about it and let things go" but they don't realize that it just ain't that simple or I would never have replayed the scenarios in the freaking first place and just the sheer amount of guilt, shame, and self loathing I now feel is enough to emotionally scar anyone... I almost feel like I don't deserve to be happy for letting the things that have happened to me happen....

[quockster]

Craig i totally agree with you, i mean looking back at it all i was/ am my biggest abuser, i never gave myself that time to think about what ive been through and have only blamed myself for everything that has happened to me, but you are so right, i think this is one of the most valid points i have heard you say since i have known you. i never gave myself the respect that others give me because i thought/think i never/don't deserve any of it, but you are right i'm my own abuser at this point in time

aww craig you make such great points
i <3 u
GBH
Lindsey

[Ellie]

I really agree with what you're saying. And I've actually been told time and time again that I've just turned to abusing myself. I've spoken quite a bit with different friends and even briefly to a counsellor about this and I've started to 'understand' why I do this - or at least why I think I do it. I was abused from a very young age, and it was something that I grew up with. I didn't know what it was at the time, but it was just something that happened in our house, you know? So when I reached age 11 and things suddenly changed I was lost and reverted back to what I had always known.

It's really hard when victims of abuse and bullying turn to abusing themselves, because it almost acts as a wall and prevents them from dealing with the abuse and moving forwards, because by them turning it onto themselves they are almost re-playing it over and over.

[FromTheAshes]

I just want to say I think this is such an important point... And those exact words are very powerful. It wasn't until I thought something along those lines that I ever made any effort to change, because at that time I figured I would tell anyone else not to put up with abuse... so well, I shouldn't either, even if it was from myself. I did well for a while, and actually it was a very powerful motivator for me, but I lost in amidst some things that happened, so thank you for the reminder.

[✖Ice✖]

Wow craig this was really well written, and very powerful.

[ForeverAutumn*]

Craig, your post has really made me think. I agree completely, with what you and others have said here. After dealing with abuse it's all too easy to become your own worst abuser. Something I say quite often, is that if you tell yourself something enough times you can start to believe it. The same applies to hearing something said often enough, and that relates to abuse and bullying. I've been told, for example, I tear myself down and treat myself poorly - which I realize now, is because of the abuse from my father as well as the bullying from my peers. I've been torn down so often I've come to believe what others say, and I consider myself as less of a person because of what they've said to me.

I think many abuse victims will tell themselves the abuse was their fault, whatever the reason - they believe it's not ok to react this way, it's wrong to feel a certain way, it's not normal to take such a long time to heal from abuse...no matter the reason, victims of abuse can easily become their own abusers. If someone was abused for a long period of time, and the abuse suddenly stopped - it may be a bit, I don't know what word to use here - disorientating? When the abuse suddenly comes to a stop. It may have been something they've become used to, something they've...not necessarily accepted but, they know how to deal with it and when it suddenly stops, they may not know how to deal with being ok, or with recovery. Change can be scary, I'm not going to deny it. When it suddenly changes, they don't know how to deal with it...so they fall back on what they know how to handle, which leads to becoming their own abusers. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right here and I hope some of what I've said makes sense. Anyway, great post, Craig. Take care.

[CanadaCraig]

Hi Hannah, soul, Lindsey, Ellie, Lils and Zack!!

I appreciate all of your responses!!!

Hi Sarah!!

I appreciate your response too!!

Vladimir Lenin [1870 - 1924] the founder of the Russian Communist Party has been credited with saying, "A lie told often enough becomes truth". And that is true when it comes to the lies we tell ourselves. And it also explains why we have to keep repeating those lies over and over again. On some level - deep down within ourselves - we KNOW that what we are telling ourselves is a LIE. We keep telling ourselves how awful we are and how flawed we are in a desperate and yes - pathetic attempt at trying to convince ourselves of something that is NOT THE TRUTH. If it was true - why would have to keep reminding ourselves? Are we afraid that we might forget?! Whenever we are fortunate enough to find the courage to stand back a little and see ourselves from a distance - we can often see just how MEAN we have been to ourselves. How WE have treated ourselves with such little respect and with no love whatsoever. If someone ELSE was abused like WE have been [Or ARE] we would run to THEIR rescue. So why aren't we running to OUR rescue?!

We have to be very careful when it comes to finding 'comfort' with the 'familiar'. And people do that all the time. We often hear stories - even here at TeenHelp - of how a girl or boy has invited yet another abusive person into their lives. They feel victimized - once again. But truth be told - they got what they ASKED for. They invited yet another abusive person into their lives - because that's the type of person they are familiar with. They already know the 'rules of the game' and are attracted to the familiarity of those rules. This is why we have take a 'time out' and take a good, hard look at ourselves and at what it is we are REALLY looking for - what it is we REALLY NEED. If we don't do that - we will be forever bound to follow in our own dysfunctional footsteps. But like you said - Sarah - that's a scary thing to do. But do you know WHY it's so scary? Because we fear that maybe - all of those awful things we have been saying to ourselves - are true!! But that's were courage comes into it - and faith. We must believe that we are NOT nearly as awful and/or as flawed as we have been convinced we are. [By others AND - most importantly - by ourselves] It's a frightening thought to move beyond what we KNOW - but we have to ask ourselves a very important question. And that question is, "Am I willing to let go of being so UNhappy?!" And if the answer to that is 'yes' - than I encourage you - and everyone reading this - to take a deep breath and go for it. Take that first step towards the truth - the truth about YOU. And I promise you - that truth is far more beautiful than most of you could ever imagine.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!

[BrookeTHaddict]

i agree i am now my biggest abuser hmm after the abuse i suffered most of my life ive turned to blame it on myself and punish myself for letting it happen