Non-PG13: I still like him a lot?

[xMikelex24]

I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure if this is in the right section.

I was dating this guy and we were moving fast and my friends knew that and they were freaking out that something would go wrong. I didn't listen to them, I defended him and told them how ridiculous that was. I began having doubts and thinking my friends were right and that he just wanted me for my body. When I talked to him about it he looked into my eyes and told me that he loves me and could care less about the sexual stuff. He even wanted to call my friends up and talk to them about it.

Later we were up in my room; we're allowed as long as the door stays open. Everyone was outside so we were fooling around. He then tried to give me anal. He knew I didn't want to and I told him multiple times I didn't want to, but he said he "loves me too much" and continued until I began crying. He was so sorry and couldn't believe he acted like that. He said he couldn't control himself. He left and we talked later on the phone and I told him I couldn't be with him.

I felt so helpless and worthless. I couldn't believe my friends were right. It was really traumatizing. I even tried self-harming and burned myself a little.

I only told two friends and one of them told me I should go to the police and report rape and the other thought that was a good idea. I could never do that to him, and I don't even know if it was actually rape.

Before I didn't know it, but now I realize I was pressured a lot of the time, too. I didn't even want to take my pants off but he begged until I gave in. Even then he promised he wouldn't do it. I was pressured other times and almost always gave in...

Ever since we broke up he's been dying to have me back. He's really sorry. I wasn't going to get back with him, but then he and these girls came to my house and one of them told me he won't stop talking about how sorry he is and he just really wants me back. I gave in and said we could try it again.

Was this wrong? I don't know how to feel. He promised we'd start over and go really slow. Should I even give him a second chance? My friends can't believe I'd do that after he practically raped me. I don't know what to do, should I really just stay away from him? Before that we were such great friends.. I'm so confused. I was thinking of testing him and waiting awhile before we even kissed.

Sorry for this being so long.. I just really need some advice.

[Kitty.]

Hey,

I’m sorry to hear that you are in a confusing situation; however it’s great that you decided to seek advice here on TeenHelp.
First of all, it is a good thing you broke up with him right now. Regardless of whether you ever get back with him, it is a good idea to be separated from him right now. He is lying when he said he couldn’t control himself. No one forced him to have anal sex with you. It is completely his fault.

Second, just because you said you would go back with him does not mean that you are under any obligation to go back to him. You can simply tell him that you changed your mind about being with him. Don’t feel as if you are forced to go back simply because you gave in and said you would. Honestly, I wouldn’t go back with him right now. You need to time to heal emotionally and cope with what happened. I don’t think that it would be in your best interests to pursue a relationship with him right now, no matter how slow it would be. If you would like to pursue a relationship with him in the future, that is completely your choice. If you want to do that, I recommend going back to just being friends with him right now and make sure that whenever you two hang out, you two aren’t ever alone. See how that goes and you can make your decision from there. Feel free to create a thread in the future telling us how things are going. I’m here if you need me.

Take care,
Kitty.

[Revolution]

I agree with the above post. He could control himself, he didn't.
It's your choice if you want to trust him again. If I were you, I would forgive him, but wouldn't take him back. I think you can find someone you can trust, who will treat you and respect you better than this. However, that is just my opinion.
It is your choice in the end. <3
PM me if you ever need.

[Madeleine.Claire]

I agree with them ^^. You can forgive him, but you deserve to find a guy who can control himself sexually and who won't put you in that type of situation.

Hope it goes well <3

[snakewhisperer28]

i agree with the above posts... but in case you do decide to go back with him. make him prove himself. Take it EXTREMELY slow. if he want to be with you at such a slow physical pace then id say he might be ok. but if he complains alot and tries to pressure you into stuff, you reallly need to dump him and find someone better. i was in a relationship were i was pressured too. just go in with NO in your head. No matter what he dose or says, just say no if you arent comfortable with it. if he tries to force you then just leave. good luck