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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Why Me Offline
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"stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 04:22 AM

I am 16 years old and is being raped by my step father. I have let this go on since I was 11. I am afraid to say anything about it. I Don't no who to tell I have no close friends or family members that I tell everything First it started with touching me I knew that wasn't right but I let it happened every time It was me and him home alone or if every one was sleep he would pretend to play around when he was touching and feeling on me and do more things my mother wasn't home but my brothers and sisters was he would call me in his room and pretend he needed me to hand him something or he needed to ask me something when all he wanted to do is rape me. Now when I'm sleep he would come and rape me I would pretend to be sleep even tho I no he knew I was awoke and there was no way I could sleep threw all the pain and moving around. When he's drunk its the worst I hate it. Ill wrap myself in a lot of covers an hell find a way to get me out. There's never going to be a way for me to stop it unless I get myself away from him. The only way I could do this is by telling and im afraid. I don't want anyone to think im lying or blame it on me. That's why I feel I should just let it happen. But it hurts and this is all that son my mind now im starting to have dreams about this and that's making me go crazy. Sometimes I think about running away or over dosing my self but I really don't want so im asking for advice in telling my mom. I'm scared to tell my mom because her and him have been together for 10 years and sometimes I feel as if she love him more than she loves me. He have power to lie on me and get me in trouble. It seems like my mother gives him more attention than he gives me. I just want it all to stop I want him out my life and to life the rest of my life happy like it was before this all happen if that's possible. I cry my self to sleep at night and wish I wasn't me I want this to be the last time I do this so please give me advice to tell someone.
   
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 05:46 AM

Hi there,
Let me begin with that I have been in this very same situation before, as my father used to repeatedly sexually assault me. It was a terrible thing for me to go through, so I know exactly how you feel.
Don't ever think that your mother loves him more than you. It might seem this way, but you are her child. She birthed you, and she would do anything for you. So speaking to her privately about the situation would be best. Who cares if they've been together for 10 years? You should be your mother's first priority, and if that doesn't happen, telling the next best thing will be the best thing for you: telling the police/authorities.
If you feel as if you are to blame, don't think that. Nobody is to blame for the rape and abuse that happen to them. This is, in no way, your fault. Your stepfather is a sick and perverted person, and needs to be put away in jail for what he has done.
If your mother doesn't believe you, find a friend that you do find yourself closest too, even if you aren't that close, bring them along with you to the police station and get the help that you need. If you were raped the night before, or recently before going to the police station, DON'T TAKE A SHOWER. He might have left evidence behind on you that will be crucial for your case. I made this mistake when I decided to inform my mother and authorities of the situation.
Take things a step at a time. Start putting a chair in front of your door so he can't get it. Make sure it's lifted up underneath the door knob, making it impossible to get inside your room. Start sleeping in a siblings room, to make you feel safer, even if it means having to sleep on the floor. Start calling out for help when things begin to happen (although, if you are scared, I don't suggest this method).
Don't speak to him about what you are going to do. This will only anger him, and could turn into an extremely dangerous situation for you.
If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to message me. I'm here for you if you need me.
-Shannon











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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 07:54 AM

Don't let this go on because of their relationship. If this is the case, he really is an awful person and you'd be doing her a favor. You're far too good to deserve this treatment and something should be done. Your fear is completely understandable, but unless you act he'll continue doing this and you need to do whatever you can to stop him. You're strong, you can make it through this, I promise.


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 07:56 AM

I would even suggest telling a school coucilor if you don't feel like you can speak with your family or friends because you're scared. For one they have to keep it a secret if that's your choice and they can can act as a support if you decide to alert authorities to help you. Stay strong.
   
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 05:16 PM

Sleeping with a younger sibling won't help. I tryed that I slept with my 4 year old little brother and 8 year old sister and he still did it. I started to tell my mother a couple times when we were alone but I don't know how to say it. I don't want to tell a consular I don't trust them. I might tell a friend that I'm not that close to but she gives good advice. I'm afraid to go to the police because they might say it isn't rape because I never told him no and fought back. I know I need to do this because they are planing on getting married in a couple of months and I can't let that happen. This is my little brother and sister father and if I tell they are going to have to grow up with out a father like I had to and I dont want them to feel the same way I do. I'm also scared I might be pregnant. I'm. Scared to get a test cause I don't want it to be positive. If I am I no I got to tell now.
   
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 05:53 PM

You have to tell someone - as much as it may sound awful, it would be better for your little brother and sister to grow up with no father, than a father who is a pervert and a paedophile, and who may start assaulting them. It will be protecting them if you tell.

Go to that friend you mentioned. Tell her the whole story, and like ShannonPants said, if he rapes or molests you before you go to the police, don't shower, as they may be able to get evidence. And even then, if he says you are lying, there will be solid proof to aid your case.

I'm sorry you've had to go through such a terrible time, and I truly hope you can make it through this <3
   
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 19th 2011, 05:54 PM

And also, if you are pregnant, you will have to tell your mum, no matter how hard it is. She will love you more than she loves him, and will help you through this better than anyone else could. A positive pregnancy test and then an abortion would be better than no pregnancy test and a baby (if that is what you choose, of course, because I'm presuming you wouldn't want to keep it from the way you've been talking.)

I hope you're ok <3
   
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 20th 2011, 01:28 AM

The fact of the matter is, even if you didn't necessarily say no it is still statutory rape. The police will undoubtably take action against him. Your safety is important, once the police know about this they will ensure he can no longer harm you.
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 20th 2011, 02:46 AM

What he's doing is rape even if you haven't said no or fought back. Don't let him keep doing it just because you don't want your brother and sister to not have a dad. You should always feel safe in your house not worry about what he's going to do. Take a test and tell your mom.
   
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 20th 2011, 03:51 AM

The police will consider this rape. They will understand that you felt scared and didn't know what to do or who to tell. It's important that you tell them, even though I know it will be difficult. Like someone else suggested, I would recommend telling a school counsellor, or your family doctor, so that you have some support. Don't be concerned about people from school finding out, the councellor will keep it confidential. They may also initiate the process of getting in contact with the police, which will make it easier for you. You may also be able to have a meeting with your mother, and school councellor, so that you can tell her when someone else (a professional, who believes you) is present. If you want to speak to your doctor, you could tell your mum that you're sick, and get an appointment, but go in alone. Then you can tell your doctor everything, and they'll have the best advice about what to do, and will also be able to give you a health check to make sure you're ok. You could even do the pregnancy test at the doctors if it makes you feel better, so there will be support present if it is positive, and someone who can tell you your options. It's important that you report him not just for your own safety, but for the safety of your siblings. Don't let the fact that everyone else in your family gets along with him stop you. You are the only one who knows the truth about him, so you need to say something. If you can't tell your mum about it, please don't let that stop you telling the authorities. It might be easier to let your mum find out from someone else, so she realises how serious it is and that you're not lying. If you do tell your mum and she doesn't believe you, please don't let it dishearten you. You still have to tell the police or somebody else. Your mum has an emotional attachment to your stepfather so may get defensive because she's scared of losing him, especially if she relies on him for emotional/financial support. Just remember that you have to put yourself first. Even if that means your mum will be upset. What's happening is not your fault, and you deserve to feel safe and be treated properly. Adults take advantage of young people far too often, in so many different ways. Just because they can, does not mean we need to allow it. Be strong, you can do this. If you choose to tell the police, could you find someone else to stay with for a while to remove yourself from the situation at home while the police process everything? An aunt or uncle or family friend? If not, the police would help you find a temporary place to stay I'm sure. Telling someone about this will be hard for you emotionally, but eventually it will all be over and you'll be able to start the healing process. We all believe in you and support you <3 PM me if you need.


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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 20th 2011, 06:07 AM

Hi,
First of all he has no right to do what he is doing. You have the right to feel safe in your home. It may take you a while to find the right counsellor to talk to and trust but its important that you do tell someone about this. Talking about it canbe very difficult. I have been through sexual assault myself, if your finding it hard to talk about try writing your mum a letter telling her everything that has been happening. often its easier to write down our feelings rather then speak them aloud.
no one is going to blame you for this,its not your fault and people will believe and support you the best the can. its important you recieve counselling as it will help you so much to get through this.
pm me or go to my website www.positivemindcounselling.com anytime you need to chat to someon but please tell someone close to you they can help you so much
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Re: "stepdad" rapes me - June 21st 2011, 11:17 PM

I would find ways to document it. Whatever you do though don't back down. Sometimes it's easier to say you lied in order to make things better for everyone. I've heard of that happening. When you start telling people stand your ground on this. Don't get pushed around. You're the one who's hurting the most out of this.


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