Triggering: Over 8 years ago...

[TheBabyEater]

I was raped back in 3rd or 4th grade. For awhile it was literally blocked out of my memory, and came back within the past few years. It's been absolutely torturous, but I honestly don't even know what to do anymore. I just recently told my boyfriend more in depth of what happened, and one of my friends cornered me into telling her. (That just sucked, because she's one of those people that is convinced her boyfriend raped her just because she regrets the relationship -.-) But those are the only people that know.
But anyway. ._.
What can you do when you've kept quiet about something for so long? I'm not used to actually asking for help

[Rooni3]

I usually don't ask for help either so if you're like me therapy is out of the question right now. Different methods help with the pain including different types of art (poetry, drawing), exercise (to built confidence and a healthy distraction), and reaching out to other victims with similar experiences. Chew your friends ear out with this problem if you have to because sometimes all you need is someone to listen that knows and understands you.

[annabanana.]

I know how you feel Marissa... Its hard but actually when I told someone the truth it felt so much better. Not straight away, I'm not gonna lie but it will be better in time. When you tell someone its suddenly not your secret anymore and you can feel empty or confused or weird? Don't know if you feel/felt like that.

If you haven't done already it might help if you write it all down, everything that happened to get it fully out of your system. Telling people is okay and I'm really glad you have. You need to realise that asking for help is okay and so is talking about it

Could you find someone you trust (ideally an adult) to talk to about it? As you are 18 now, as long as you aren't in danger, people shouldn't tell anyone else if you make it as a 'disclosure' and you don't tell them who it was, (if you know). Although that's in the UK generally, don't know whereabouts you are.

Memories like that tend to be blocked by the mind when you can't deal with them and they are too painful however when they resurface it means that its time to deal with it. If people knew they would be more than happy to help and be more understanding than you think, its worth a shot. It will be hard but its worth it, no one will make you do anything you don't want and if they ask details and you don't want to answer, then don't.

What you want to do is in your hands from now, but it will be okay. I'm really glad you've told people - its the first step to this becoming another memory that doesn't hurt hardly as much. Take it a bit at a time.

PM me if you need anything and take care of yourself