Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Nightmares

[ToGoOmniscient]

Hi... I'm Sakura. I'm new to TeenHelp, and I'm not sure about this website yet, but I need to vent. So I will.

I began having nightmares around October of 2008, when I was in sixth grade. They weren't that bad, really, because I wasn't really that informed on abuse and rape, but now that I know so much more about so many things, it's gotten worse and worse to the point now where I'm starting to lose my mind. I've had this nightmare so many times that I remember names, dates, places, times, etc. and it makes me paranoid.
I don't know every single detail, but this is pretty much how it starts.

Please keep in mind this is entirely fictional. The only people I mention in here that are real are Scarlett and Ben (not their real names) I urge you to keep in mind that even though I have been sexually molested, I have not been raped or even physically abused. This is a nightmare I've been having and I need some help on what to do about it. ENTIRELY FICTIONAL.

It's July 1, 2017; nine, maybe ten o'clock. (I'd be twenty by then.) I was going home from a party, when I saw someone I recognized. I did a double take, but didn't know who he was at first. When I turned to him again, he saw me and I recognized him. His name is Ramsey; someone from my past who was sexually abusive. He is Hispanic; he's tall, muscular, with short black hair and dark brown eyes. "Where the hell you been, guera?" He said, trying grab me, but I ran past him... and right into Samuel. Samuel is someone else from my past; he was physically abusive. I ran right past him and out the door, running out onto the sidewalk. When I turned the corner, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my friend Scarlett, who'd be twenty one, who was at my apartment. "Hello?" "Scarlett? Scarlett, are you there?" I screamed. "Sakura, are you okay?!" "No! I just got out of the party. I saw Samuel and Ramsey! Ramsey must be out of prison and Samuel must not have gotten jail time and - " I screamed when someone grabbed me. I dropped the phone, but I could still hear Scarlett screaming, "Sakura? SAKURA!?" Ramsey had grabbed me and had one arm pinning my arms down, and one hand around my mouth, keeping me from screaming. Samuel walked in front of me, picked up the phone, put it on speaker, and said, "Hello, Scarlett." "What have you done, Samuel? What have you fucking done?" "Oh, it's not polite to curse at people, young lady. After all," he looked at me and smiled, "she's deserved this all along." I screamed again, but Ramsey kicked me. "You fucking idiots," Scarlett continued. "I'm calling the cops. You won't be able to do a fucking thing - " "Oh, really? What are the cops gonna do?" Samuel continued. "Nobody can stop us." Samuel's gaze fell to my hand, which had a ring on it. "Who the hell would put a ring on this bitch?" "You fucking - " I don't know what she was going to say, but Samuel just said, "Tell the stupid fucker this bitch calls a husband that he better cherish his memories, because he's never gonna see his wife again." "NO! NO!" Scarlett screamed, but Samuel hung up the phone. The last thing I remember is being hit in the head with something, being thrown in their car, and them driving away.
I woke up God knows how long later in a basement. I didn't know what time it was, or even what time of day it was, since there were no windows that I could see. I found my phone; the case was cracked, but it worked. I speed dialed Scarlett, and she answered immediately. "Sakura?" She rambled, hysterical. "Where are you? Are you okay? Where are you?!" "I don't know," I said. "I don't know. I think I'm in a basement. Call the cops. Please. Please call the cops." "You're still with Samuel and Ramsey?!" She screamed. "Shh! I think so but I don't know where they are - " The phone got ripped out of my hand, and someone kicked me in the stomach. I think it was Ramsey, because Samuel said, "Wow, Scarlett. Why don't you give up on saving your friend? No one's gonna find her." He hung up, and they both began to beat me. After a while, they said, "Give up?" I said 'no', and out of nowhere, Samuel took out his phone, turned on the flashlight, found a paintbrush on the floor, which had been dipped in red paint, and began writing on the wall. He wrote in big letters with lines under them, SAMUEL and RAMSEY. I said, "What does that mean?" Ramsey yelled, "You're about to find out! Go, Sam!" Then Sam raped me. Ramsey pulled out a camera, and began to record it. I was so scared, I was screaming and crying, until Samuel shoved his tongue down my throat, and put a hand up to my neck, threatening to choke me. Then they switched. After they were done, they put a tally mark under their names. I figured it out; tally marks for rapes. Then they left, and I just lay there, beaten and naked, crying for my husband, who probably had no idea where I was...

That's not all of it, but the rest of it is pretty long.

How am I supposed to deal with this? Can someone tell me what this means? Or how I can get over it? Please?

[**Ordinary Day**]

Hey Sakura,

Wow, that seems really vivid. I can't tell you what it means but I can tell you that this is all caused by anxiety. This may seem like a weird fix after all of that dreaming but try to exercise each day and don't drink caffeinated drinks. Makes sure to not watch really graphic things on TV before bed or in general as well so you can keep your brain on a clearer level. I hope you can move past this. If you have the dream two more times be sure to tell someone about it. Reoccurring dreams are serious. Have a wonderful night.
Jenn

[ToGoOmniscient]

I've been having this dream for three years... :/

[**Ordinary Day**]

Oh gosh. Okay then yeah, you need to talk to someone about this pronto.

[ToGoOmniscient]

I was shocked that I even posted this. Only my best friends know about this. Like, only one of my friends has read the whole thing... I don't like talking to people I don't trust or I think will be judgmental...

[**Ordinary Day**]

A therapist won't judge you. The can tell you what it means too.

[ToGoOmniscient]

I just... I don't know...
There's so much more to this nightmare... I didn't post it cuz it would be like a million miles long...