Triggering (Abuse): We're not victims. We're survivors.

[Haruhi]

Hello Everyone!

This is my story, and how I dealt with it to all those who've been raped/sexually abused/assaulted .etc. I just wanted to let you all know how I've dealt with it, and how it DOES get better.

I was 14 when I was sexually and physically assaulted. I felt like it was my own fault, partly. That I'd let myself in for it. I was wrong. I didn't deserve to be treated like this, I didn't deserve to be mentally scarred. Even to this day, 3 years later I still feel sick, dirty and ashamed when I think of it. But the best thing is, I knew that I was lying to myself. No matter what any of you think, what happened was NOT your fault. None of you should've ever had to endure that. You should never be made to feel like an object, or a punch bag.

But that's not the end of it. I was 16 when I was raped. Only 2 months after I reported the assault. I'd never felt so low in my life. My confidence was shattered. I was cutting everyday. I was drinking heavily every night. It was my only escape from the harsh reality. It was so bad I reported the rape the following school day. I laughed. It wasn't funny but it was the only reaction I could manage. I already cried to my Councillor, she didn't understand why.. she even managed to utter them words.. 'have you been raped?' she must've been a mind reader. I had no idea how to tell anyone. I confided in a friend who wasn't a friend. She told everyone. I had to put up with more bullying, even though I'd already been bullied all through school. But this time people called me in the corridors, saying 'You got raped!' and making harsh comments. I spent everyday drinking in the school toilets.

About 2 months on, I actually sat and thought to myself.. 'What am I doing?'
I stopped cutting. I stopped drinking, and I started living. I held my head up high at school. I was no longer a victim. I was a survivor. I was never going to let this rule my life. I joined sports clubs to keep my mind busy, I made new friends who I could eventually trust. I through away my razors and leftover bottles of vodka. Even though I failed my exams because of my trauma. I didn't care, I was strong and I knew I could get through it.

Over a year on, and I am happy. I am whole again. Of course it still comes up in my head. But I have my friends and family who I'm grateful for. I have these forums that I know I can come and talk to all of you about my problems. But best of all I've got my strength!

Because a survivor is someone strong, who's ready to stand up against the world and face any tasks ahead.

Thank you to anyone who read all this. Any of you can PM me anytime if you want any help or advice. It's not easy, we all deal with things differently. Just wanted to share this and I hope I've helped, even in the slightest.

[Kbug13]

My dad raped in abused me for years! I get made funof for it to this day in school, i'm trying to transfer! The comments they make make me sick to my stomach , and i began having panic attacks! reading yur story really helped me realize I'm not alone thanks for sharing!!! you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

[Iris. ♥]

Thankfully, I've never endured someone as horrific as rape. Those who have are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry for all the hardship you went through as a result of this, but your story was really inspiring to read. The fact that you have come out of the depression caused by it, and have begun to see yourself as a survivor, is such an encouraging thing to see! Thanks for posting this, and keep going on the great path you're on! <3

[Agoraphobia♥]

This made me cry... Not because it makes me sad or something like that but because it gives me hope. This is exactly what I needed to read right now, today. I needed this, thank you so much. Today I ran into the person who molested me 3 years ago when I was 12, I completely shut down, but this, this gives me hope and strength. Thank you so much for this. I really needed this, today especially. I couldn't thank you enough for this.

[Haruhi]

Originally Posted by Agoraphobia♥

This made me cry... Not because it makes me sad or something like that but because it gives me hope. This is exactly what I needed to read right now, today. I needed this, thank you so much. Today I ran into the person who molested me 3 years ago when I was 12, I completely shut down, but this, this gives me hope and strength. Thank you so much for this. I really needed this, today especially. I couldn't thank you enough for this.

It's awful seeing them, and all the bad memories being brought back. I do what you did, find something positive. I am really glad my story helped you. I am so happy that I've helped you in the slightest.
You can do this!

[youbetheanchor]

Thank you so much for this. I spent most of my childhood abused and for so long I've struggled with telling myself these things. We are not failures, it's not our fault, and every single thing will make us stronger.

Have a great day and message whenever

[Le bonheur*]

Thank you for posting your story. It really hit home for me. I'm so glad that you've stopped cutting & drinking, and you decided to live. You're so strong and so amazing. I wish I was as strong as you.