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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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confused. - March 24th 2012, 11:41 AM

soo, as a child i was abused by an uncle.. he waas my baysitter, as my parents traveled australia for a living..so i lived with.
rape and abuse was a daily thing for me.. id go to school with cuts and bruises, and was terrified of anyone bigger than me. even teachers!! my worst enemy was sleep. the longest i went with out sleep was 8 weeks. the last time i was raped by my uncle was age 10. i havent seen him since he moved to america

my boyfriend started using drugs and alcohol in october they were his only vice!! Then he started abusing me, DAILY and he would sometimes tell my mum that he wanted to spend the night coz his parents were fighting.. Mum had too much on her mind, so she didn't really care, as long as we slept in seperate beds.. he never listened, i'd wake up in the middle of the night and he'd be next to me, naked.......


How do I get past all thiss??
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 12:13 PM

Hey Emma,

I'm really sorry that you've had to deal with all of this. I think that the first step for you is to tell someone that you trust. You need to be living in a safe environment and at the moment your home, when your boyfriend stays over, doesn't sound safe. I know that you say that your mum has stuff on her mind, but I'd really recommend telling her. That way she can stop your boyfriend from staying over.

You could also tell a guidance counselor at school, or a teacher that you trust. It's really important that you get some help and support for this because this is a horrible thing to have been through. If you talk to someone, you can get help like counseling or therapy to help you deal with what has happened to you.

I'd recommend reporting your uncle and your boyfriend. Obviously this is a very difficult thing to do so I'd really recommend speaking to a mum or other trusted adult to get advice on how to go about this. But, if you do report them, they won't be able to carry on the way they have been.

Again, I'm really sorry that you've had to go through all of this. If you ever need anything, or need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.


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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 12:38 PM

My boyfriend is kind of needed right now....Bcz of the what I'm now calling my 'maybe' baby
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 12:48 PM

Your 'maybe baby'? I'm not sure what you mean, do you mind clarifying?

Whether your boyfriend is needed or not, if he is doing anything inappropriate, or anything that is making you feel uncomfortable, first tell him that you don't like it, and then if he continues tell your mum so that he can't stay over, because your safety is the most important thing here.


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RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 01:09 PM

I might be pregnant, after rape...
So, bcz 'm not sure. 'maybe' baby
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 06:46 PM

Do you think it's by your boyfriend, or were you raped recently by someone else? I hate to pry, I really do, and I know it can be hard to talk about but it'd help us more if you'd clarify if you think it's by your boyfriend, or if you were raped on a separate occasion by another person. How long ago did it happen?

As for your uncle, I think it would really help you to report him, he needs help. Even if it's his only vice, (I assume he's a teen as well), he shouldn't be using drugs and alcohol. There are better ways to deal with things that are not as harmful to himself and those around him. And he has absolutely NO right to treat you the way he does. You need to safely get out of the relationship and tell someone like your mum or another trusted adult, what he's done. And I know you say you need him for the "maybe baby" but you don't. It's not worth putting yourself through abuse and what he's doing, for a child. Yes it can be hard to be a parent at a young age, but you don't need him there to help you. And that's if you even are pregnant, you aren't sure yet, so do what's best for YOU. I think even if you were pregnant, in this situation, the best thing for the baby is still to get away from him.

As for your uncle, again, I think it would help you if you reported him for what he's done, and for you to get some help. It can be VERY difficult to deal with rape, especially over so many years and by a family member. It'll be hard but if you can, I think you should tell your mum or another trusted adult and get him reported, so he can't ever do that to you, or anyone else again.


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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 07:47 PM

You can't be in a relationship with a partner doing drugs, drinking alcohol abusing you like what your uncle did it's not a safe place to be in. Break up with this guy hes bad news. Your uncle should be lock up in prison. Does your mum know about this and about what your boyfriend did to you? Because right now you need to tell her. She will protect you. Don't solve this problem on your own. Call the police and report your uncle and boyfriend so they can get arrested. They abused you and they will do it again. This is very serious and should be taken seriously. You got rape by your boyfriend and your pregnant? does he keep abusing you or was it only once he done it? PM me if you need anymore help.

Last edited by Cassie999; March 24th 2012 at 08:33 PM.
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 10:48 PM

its not my boyfriends.. its one of his mates... it happened back in january....

my mum doesnt know... i just.. been givin her space for a few months...

he abused me twice and then told him i might be pregnant. so he hasnt touched me....
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 11:31 PM

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Please, please tell your mother. I know that she might be stressed, she might have things going on, but you are her daughter and you need to be protected from what is happening to you. If you are indeed pregnant then you will need even more support, on top of physical safety from these people and any counseling. You will need help to take care of your body and the baby, and emotional support to help you choose what to do, as there are options available to you, like abortion, adoption or keeping it. If the age on your profile is correct then you are only 13, you really need help from the people in your life who can actually do something about this, like your mother.


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RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 11:49 PM

im not a fan of abortion..... mum wont force me into what i dont want to do.
   
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Re: confused. - March 24th 2012, 11:53 PM

I wasn't saying you should abort, I was just letting you know that you have options. If you're planning on keeping it then you really need to tell someone, because they'll find out in the end and you will need support to get through the pregnancy. If you know that your mother won't force you to do anything you don't want to, why do you feel like you can't tell her?


Join the Skeleton Clique on TH
Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!

Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 12:22 AM

because of so many recen events.. i mean.. come on, i lost my dad to suicide 4 months ago. shee needs time
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 12:29 AM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry that you've been through so much in a short amount of time. I know that your mom needs time to heal from your dad's suicide a few months ago but you need to think about yourself, too. If you keep this from her and she finds out later, she's going to be even more upset and wish that you had told her sooner. You first have to find out if you are pregnant and go from there. Your mum seems supportive, so that's good. I'm glad that you have a good support system in place for what ever does happen.

I know it's hard but you have to report the abuse. If you don't, it's possible for it to happen again if he finds out your not pregnant, or otherwise. That's what abusers do. So I highly suggest you get help. It's not going to be easy but it can be done with a little help from your local authorities. They are there to help you.

Take care,
~Brittany
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 12:50 AM

i AM pregnant................ i took a test, like,5 minutes ago.....
what am i gonna do now?!??!
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 12:54 AM

I'm really sorry but you have to tell your mum. She'll be able to give you the support you need during this time. I'm sure you know of your options and I'm unsure of what you're thinking right now. The best thing to do is talk it over with your mum and make a decision with a lot of thinking and consideration.
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 01:05 AM

what do i say?? how am i meant to tell her im pregnant with some guys child!!! its all so confusing!!
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 01:29 AM

If you don't think you can tell her face-to-face maybe you can write her a letter and tell her the chain of events that happened and what's going on now?
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 02:00 AM

i can do t face to face.. just.... i dont know what to say...
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 02:12 AM

Tell her the truth. Say that you were abused and you didn't want to tell her beforehand but it's gotten you pregnant and now you have to tell because it involves another human being. It'll all be okay. <3
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 03:17 AM

i told her....
she was REALLY understanding. <3 shes gonna do the appointments and everything..
but she said she got curious bcz ive been craving chocolate milk so bad. :P i used to HATE chocolate milk. xD
but she said shell be there for me as much as possible. <3
   
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Re: confused. - March 25th 2012, 03:56 AM

I'm so glad that your mum was supportive. That's what you need in a time like this.

Since your original post has been answered, I'm going to go ahead and close this one. Feel free to make another one if you'd like more advice about rape/abuse. Or you could make one in pregnancy/childcare for advice about your pregnancy and what to do from here.

My inbox is always open if you want to chat.

Take care.
   
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