TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Leviathan Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Leviathan's Avatar
 

Posts: 8
Join Date: May 21st 2012

What is wrong with me (long read, don't have to read all) - May 21st 2012, 10:29 PM

Ok...I am a new member on this site and I needed somewhere to vent and get help from unbiased people. I will be as honest as I possibly can. I want to know what is wrong with me, if anything, and what I can do to help it. (also: am I allowed to curse? I tried to check the FAQ but nothing came up. I'll bleep them out, but sorry if it's not allowed, it won't happen again)

Where do I start...

First thing is my anger problem. I get angry very easily, sometimes because people are annoying me and won't stop when I ask them to stop what they are doing, but mostly its when someone says/does something stupid. there is nothing that causes more rage inside me than hearing about how someone pulled some astoundingly stupid crap. It's when people show how ignorant they are on a subject that they think they know about and insist arrogantly that they're right, or are just plain ignorant and cant help it (I shouldn't be mad at them for plain ignorance, I know, but it just happens. I try to put myself in their shoes, "what if someone got mad at me for not knowing about something i've never heard of?", but I still get irritated...). The worst is when people just behave in an illogical way. I mean, you can go ahead and screw yourself over by doing that stupid ****, but when it interferes with anyone else (even someone I dont care for at all), I get really mad, needing to point out (loudly) what they're doing wrong. For example: my 9 year old sister came home today, telling me how some girl took her seat at lunch and the following happened:

sister's friend: Mrs. X (lunch supervisor), [blah] took [sister]'s seat, and now she has nowhere to sit!
*Mrs. X comes over*
Mrs. X (to my sister) : WHY AREN'T YOU SITTING DOWN IN YOUR SEAT? I'M TIRED OF DEALING WITH YOU KIDS EVERY DAY (then why did you become a teacher, you daft bastard?). WE HAVE ASSIGNED SEATS FOR A REASON.
sister: ...but I just got out of the lunch line and [blah] took my seat and I don't have anywhere to sit!
Mrs. X: WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM JUST ABOUT DONE WITH YOU ALL.
*calls over another, non-idiot, teacher*
*[blah] walks away back to her own table, my sister sits in her seat*

Mrs. X: OH SO NOW THAT [Teacher 2] IS HERE, YOU SIT DOWN IN YOUR PROPER SEAT?

Are you seriously this stupid? How the hell do you remember to breath, let alone get a job supervising children? And why the **** are you complaining? A girl told you to do YOUR JOB, and you flip out for no reason, without even listening to the explanation. I mean, I know I have anger problems, but I don't get a job dealing with the thing I hate and then start complaining.

Later that week, worms were found in the salad (picture proof was provided) which came from vegetables grown by my sister's class, which were supposedly washed, and served by the cafeteria staff. When they told this teacher about the worms, she said "WELL IT'S YOUR GARDEN, NOT MY PROBLEM!"


My point is that after hearing these stories, I had gotten furious to a point I've never felt in a long time. I literally got a headache, thinking "do these kids deal with this idiot every day?", "how come nobody has done something about this?" I even though to myself "how about I bludgeon her with a brick from her own house, I mean it's not from my house, not my problem, right? infallible logic."

10 minutes later, I wondered "what the hell is wrong with me?" It's normal to be aggravated at something, but I took 10 minutes and was just sitting in my own hatred and cynicism, thinking sick thoughts and how I hate living in this world in general. This happens often, I think harsh, unhealthy things, then much sooner later, it seems overdone.

-----------------

This has happened since I hit puberty at around age 11 or 12. I've become more introverted, more critical, less happy, less patient, and have gotten a darker sense of humor and acquired a general cynical/pessimistic view of the world. Is this normal and will it pass? Can I fix it in the meantime?

The problem is that it's easy for me to get angry at people acting stupidly. I'm not going to lie, I am really smart (roll eyes go ahead), I've been getting 98th/99th percentile of whatever standardized test, in all the honors and higher level classes, and people always ask me stuff like "how did you know that"/"how did you figure that out?"

but to be honest, sometimes I wish I weren't smart at all. In middle school, I was especially pissed off when I went to our academic awards ceremony (every student was required to attend), and 90% of the awards were given to the ****ing ghetto kids / drug dealers / kids who didn't give a flying **** about school, all titled "Most improved in [subject]. I came home that night, confused and angry. Why didn't I get anything at all? What the **** happened to "knowledge is power"? What is the point of working hard if you only have to work hard in comparison to what you did last week? Why did these kids with flying Fs and Ds get the awards and recognition, while I am expected to just stay at the top for no reason.

Well, years later I realized that was all to boost their confidence and give them motivation to not drop out and to actually put effort into school.

But I still have noticed, the more informed I got about how the world works, I got sadder and sadder. "Ignorance is bliss" comes to mind here. Every day, I saw my happy go lucky friends all smiles when they got a 75 on their major exam ("at least I didn't fail DDD). I noticed the ones who had the most fun in my class were also the ones who didn't care much about school work...

I envied them for being able to be so happy, and I still do to this day. I'll have little pockets of joy in my life, but i'm tired of being so pessimistic and angry half the time.

(btw, for any MBTI folks out there, if it helps, i'm an INTJ)

thank you, even if you only read part of this. I don't care if its not advice at all, i'd love it if you could just leave any comment about this.

Thanks
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
i_like_black Offline
Awesomesauce.
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
i_like_black's Avatar
 
Name: Jess
Age: 31
Gender: Boobs and pubes
Location: Right here.

Posts: 683
Blog Entries: 349
Join Date: February 23rd 2010

Re: What is wrong with me (long read, don't have to read all) - May 23rd 2012, 10:55 AM

I just have to say this . . . I'm also (apparently) and INTJ, although I've never been personality-typed by a professional (aside from checking for personality disorders - apparently I respond in a manner that fits APD but I'm warm and friendly in person. Off topic.).

Having no idea how old you are currently, I can't make any statement as to whether your anger may be related to sudden increases in hormones, which although happen at the very beginning of puberty, there is often a second surge between 15 and 17 years. Depends on the person and so forth but it can lead to increased anger levels.

Another thing is, have a look at other stuff around you - you say you're pessimistic and angry a lot. If there's other things as well, like no joy, and lack of enjoyment of stuff that's normally fun, and more-than-usual introversion, you may be depressed, in which case you need to see a doctor. Irritability is also a symptom of depression.

But for the most part, just sounds like you have to deal with stupid people. It's hard, it's tiring, it's frustrating, and you want to pick up a big stick and beat them with it. Unfortunately, stupid people breed just as effectively as smart people, sometimes moreso, and even smart people do stupid things. (I can, at times, be a prime example of this.)

The good news is that once you get out of high school, the rules change. Results matter more than effort. It's high marks that get you from a Bachelor's programme into a Master's, and students with higher marks are also more likely to get internships than those who merely pass.
Over time you will meet friends who think like you do and who achieve on a similar level to you. For example - most of my friends at school were average. This is perfectly normal, according to bell curves and so forth the majority of a population should fall within an average range. Once I left school and started studying in my area of interest, I met more people at the higher end of the bell curve. (I've been assessed as being 95th percentile but there are a couple of areas where I am 99th). It happens all the time, once you get to where you want to be, you are more likely to meet people you're going to get along with.

If your anger is giving you a tension headache, for heavens' sake, remove yourself from it. Go for a walk or a run somewhere nice and just appreciate the fact that although things seem crappy, trees still grow, and nature still does its own thing, intuitively.

But yeah, being as you are irritable, pessimistic, and seem to be finding little joy in things, if I were you I'd make seeing a doctor and getting screened for depression a priority.
   
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
long, read, wrong

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.