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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PsyGwendok Offline
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Name: David
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I don't feel right - June 3rd 2012, 01:56 PM

Lately, with the finals coming around I've been thinking more and more. I don't think I have the grades to go into what I want, and even if I do, I don't know if that's really what I want to study. That takes away all my motivation. And without motivation, I can't study, it's kind of like a cycle.
Also, I always feel alone no matter where I am. In school, I feel like people tend to leave me alone. The other day in a class I was the only one who was alone, everyone else made a circle, some of them made circles around me. All I could do was text a girl, which would also have left me if she was in that class (95% positive of that). During breaks, when we hang out in a group, people just don't really interact with me, and I'm not no mood to take the initiative. After a birthday party yesterday, I feel like my friends are all pissed at me, and I'm pissed at most of them.
At home, I barely have a family. My sister lives in another countery and visits like 2 times a year, for a total of 4 days. My brother comes 1 day per week, and we barely talk. My absent father we all hate, literally traded my happiness for 2$ and 2 douchy friends. (I told I wanted to go to a restaurant on the 1st of June (which kind of is still my day even though I'mt 16) because I could't lunch anywhere else). Instead, he takes me to a crappy cantine with 2 guys that kept talking about shit and saying offensive and machist things, just to make them think I had a relationship with him, and to save 2$. Finally my mother, I love her and I know she loves me, but she keeps bringing me down every time I have a grade that's not really good, even though she nevers compliments me when I do something right.
I also have a girlfriends, who lives abour 80km away from me, and who I get to see 3-4 times a year. Besides 2 e-friends I met on a game and who have been the only people I can talk to, she is the only one that can cheer me. She lives in somewhat the same conditions as me, so I guess we really do need each other.
Once I found my brother's journal. He went through what I am going, and he succumbed into alcohol and tabacco. He now can't have a drink without getting totally wasted, and he can't stop smoking. And I feel I can go the same way.
I just don't seem to find any purpose in life, I think I'm mentally disturbed (which may be a fact since I suffer from trichotilomania and I have slight OCD traces).
All I want is a place where I belong, because as far as this goes, I feel like I would be better off dead or something, life has no meaning whatsoever.
I just really needed to say this to someone, even though I don't know who you are. If you read it, thanks.



I have trichotillomania and slight traces of OCD. I think of myself as friendly, and I'll gladly answer any PM's .


Be bold, and mighty forces
will come to your aid.

- Basil King


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Re: I don't feel right - June 5th 2012, 03:58 AM

It sounds like you've had a lot going on. You talked about a lot of stuff and I have suggestions for some of them. Here, i'll split them up.

Friends: Why do you feel like they are pissed at you? What did you do to make them feel that way? Are you pissed at them because they don't seem to be talking to you, or what? It sounds like more than anything, you need to sit them down and talk to them. Ask them why they are ignoring you and ask if you did something wrong so maybe you can fix whatever it is. If they aren't willing to cooperate, you need new friends I guess.

Family: For your sister who lives far and you don't get to talk to her a lot, have you tried talking to her on something like Skype or Google+? Both things have video chats that you can use for people you don't normally get to see a whole lot. In fact, I used Google+ the other day to talk to my nephews who live in a different state. It doesn't replace actually BEING with them, but its the next best thing and is def. better than nothing. For your mom, i'd also sit her down and talk to her about how she makes you feel. Tell her you try your best and wish your best and often feel like your best is not good enough for her. She should understand. I think right now she just doesn't know how much her actions effect you. Also about your bro, just because HE turned out that way, does not mean you need to. A lot of people blame their issues on the issues of family members. They say "Oh I did bad with drinking cause my father drank so I was bound to be a bad drinker too." The thing though is they DRANK. They CHOSE to drink. They didn't have to do that. If they knew their father had drinking problems, they shouldn't drink at all. When they do, it automatically becomes their fault for putting themselves in that situation. I know my cousins, uncle, and great grandfather have all had drinking issues so i'm not going to touch a drop of alcohol in my life cause I know if I do, I prob will become dependent on it as well. Since you know your brother has these issues, its as simple as never getting into that trash yourself. I KNOW you can avoid that. Why bring yourself to their level? You never need to. Sure you CAN go the same way, do you need to? No.

Everything else: If you are feeling really low, why not talk to someone? It is hard to talk to people about our individual issues because it takes trust and also it doesn't feel too comfortable all the time. I've had issues telling others about my own things. I've been afraid of being judged or labled as bad. I never have been, but there's still a lot of things I wish I could tell people, but don't. You don't have to tell people EVERYTHING, but if something is bothering you and you know it is, its better for you to get it out. Why do you feel like you don't belong? Do you feel like you are different than others in some way? None of us are the same. My grandmother used to say "It takes all kinds to make the world go round." We are all kinds. Everyone belongs. You are def. not better off dead. Dying doesn't solve problems, it creates more. And you are better than that. You're stronger than that, even if you don't think you are. Don't feel like you mean nothing because everyone means something.

If you ever want to talk, i'm here.


   
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