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♥Bliz Offline
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Me, a vicitim as a criminal, without help. - June 12th 2012, 02:19 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Monster can not describe me, because that is not right, at least in part. My crime is of lust and urges, and sexual assualt. I have little control, I am weak. It is true that I have repleed these feelings many times, but what i did last time will not be the last I fear. I snuck into my sisters (not blood) bedroom and groped her as she slept, trying to get her panties off to as she slept, but she stirred. She deos not know of it... however, it would be tragic should she have. I have thought of rape in the past, and what holds me back is the fear of what it does to the victim. Now, do not attack me, I am not here to be a target, go shoot at the trees, or those without regrets if you need them, not one who is sorry and has little control. I am not passing this off as an escuse, merely a way for you to understand me, and to show that i am capable again.

The true reason why I posted this; I cannot see a psyciatrist or any other professional help, I beleive. I had an apointment, and it was canceled due to finical means, and that was from coming out of a mental hospital and outpatient therapy for a suicide attempt. I NEED HELP!!! I'm not sure what I can do... before we used to go to a place where the 10 dolar fee tht came after our insurance was taken off, but now we have new insurance from my dad's work. I fear that I may do something horrible once more. maybe now im more aware and won'... but more then likely I will fall once more. I'm very confused and hurt... please help!


If you ever need it, I'm here to help, talk, or whatever! ~~Kyle
Suicide helplines:
1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
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Re: Me, a vicitim as a criminal, without help. - June 12th 2012, 03:02 AM

Honestly, I think where your case is concerned, the cost of therapy is irrelevant. You clearly have a very serious issue that you want help with, and if you don't get the help, as you have indicated, it could be damaging to both others and to yourself.

I know this is going to sound like I'm asking you to sign your death warrant, but you need to tell the adults you're living with about this. The reasoning is twofold: one, for your sister's safety - they can do things like put a lock on the inside of her door so that if you are tempted, you don't have access to her, and two, because they need to understand just how serious this is in order to be aware that you desperately need help for it. If they have some understanding of what's going on, they're much more likely to be willing to get you the help you need, no matter the cost.

I know costs and insurance are a big thing in the U.S.A., and it's probably worth getting your father to talk with his insurance company to find out what exactly they will cover, and what therapy may be available to you. Clearly you don't want to be a sexual predator, but your urges are clouding your morals at times, and it's important that you treat this now, while you still want to get better.

I've seen you around the forums and I know you to be quite compassionate and well-mannered. It's a good thing. It means that by working with the right people, you have a very high chance of overcoming this! It won't be easy, it will probably take a long time, and you may struggle with urges for the rest of your life, but you can still beat it.

I'd just like to say once more that I think it's really important for you to somehow inform the adults you live with of what's going on. Your honesty may lead to fights and arguments and blame, and all the negative stuff, but the fact is that by being open about what's going on, you're more likely to get help to deal with what's going on.

And, finally, congratulations on being brave enough to post about this. It can't have been an easy thing to do.
   
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♥Bliz Offline
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Re: Me, a vicitim as a criminal, without help. - June 12th 2012, 12:19 PM

Thank you for taking the time to reply. to clear something up, she doesn't live with my, I call alot of my freidns brothers and sisters, she lives in my 3rd home, at my best friend/brother not by blood's house.

as for therapy, hopefully I do have an apointment set up tomorrow (my mom has to call and see, if there was a pre-planned one, which i thought there was) if not, i do plan to push the need to have a psycological visit with someone, and an easy cover is my depression, and coming out of out patient from a suicide attempt. So I don't believe they need to know about this.


If you ever need it, I'm here to help, talk, or whatever! ~~Kyle
Suicide helplines:
1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
  Send a message via Yahoo to ♥Bliz  
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