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atomik Offline
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I feel very little emotion - June 23rd 2012, 05:45 AM

I grew up in a prosperous family where money meant everything and family meant nothing. When I was younger, all I cared about was materialism. Everything was handed to me and I was never able to appreciate the value of money or of sincerity. As I grew older I began to realize that happiness was within how I felt about myself, the people that surrounded me, and the things I did that I could be proud of myself for. Today, despite the fact that I understand the value of money, charity, being surrounded by good people and friends, being thankful for what I have, being thankful of my accomplishments and the values of generosity and sincerity. I am genuinely broken, I donít feel any emotion unless it has to do with my relationship or with my parents. Even with my best and closest friends, I struggle to feel emotion. I get along with people very well, and I will do favors for them without ever asking for or wanting compensation. I just feel that I am not emotionally connected to them and have to fake my emotion. I feel true emotions only when it has to do with my pleasing my parents, or when it involves my girlfriend. I thought I did everything I could for my girlfriend, she told me a month into dating that she had epilepsy and we have been dating for over two years, I feel so close to her and I feel real emotion around her. Tonight she told me that I always made everything about me and it made me think that maybe I am not as good of a boyfriend as I think I am because she does not always act like a girlfriend to me. There are people in this world who are fighting for good causes, and innocent people die every day, I just wish that I could take their place and die instead. I just want to be able to feel emotion, I work hard, I study hard, I do good things for friends, I do good deeds and I volunteer, why am I so broken? I just wish that I didnít have to act sincere, I want to genuinely be sincere to everyone around me and not just my girlfriend or parents. I just feel awkward around other people, and I feel that I can detach myself from my emotions so well. Please, what do I do? I want to be a normal person, I feel like I am a waste of a human body, There are times where I feel thankful for who I am and what I have and I thank god to be alive, but there are times where I feel that Iím worthless and feel no emotion at all. I canít understand it, Iím not a materialistic person anymore, I just want to feel something.
   
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Re: I feel very little emotion - June 23rd 2012, 09:44 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

I think a lot of people on this website can relate to you - and it has very little to do with materialism. You were raised in a family that didn't value the genuine expression of emotion... so that's not something you can very easily and/or naturally. It's something that CAN develop, but very slowly, and only with a lot of hard work and insight.

I would start by asking your girlfriend what she meant the other night. How do you act that suggests "everything is about you"? She may feel this should be obvious to you, but sadly, it may not be, because you didn't grow up with parents who could model "appropriate" behavior. She'll need to be very clear about what you say and do, and what you SHOULD say and do in order to convey a genuine selflessness toward others.

It may also help to see a psychological professional. At the very least, talking to someone who isn't emotionally involved/connected to you can help you gain a lot of insight. This person's opinions won't be biased, and they've also had a great deal of training in emotionality and how it can be affected by one's upbringing. Additionally, a psychological professional could rule out any mental or personality disorders that might be affecting the way you interact with others.

I want you to know that you don't always have to be this way. It's not hopeless, and you CAN have satisfying relationships with others. Death is not the only solution for you. I can't promise you'll see immediate changes, but you can start working toward a more fulfilling life. =)





   
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