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tinybitfake Offline
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Tiny bit fake. - July 25th 2012, 08:24 AM

This started when I was little. I remember playing a game online with a friend, where we met a boy much older than us. I can't remember why but we decided to pretend to be only a year or so younger than he was (I was probably 11-12, and we pretended to be 15-16.) We used pictures of girls we found on the internet and pretended to be them.
This went on with the same boy for a few years. I lost communication with him when I was around 15.

Now, I have an odd urge to keep doing this. It's like I can't stop.
On several occasions with different people I have made up a person, found pictures to represent them, create their whole backstory and current story with their own personalities and interests. And I pretend to be them when talking to other people. Of course, this has only been over the internet.

The most recent thing I have done is made up a boy, who is my friend, and spoke about him to my current real bestfriend (Who I know in real life.)
Everyone I've done this to believes these people are real.
I don't know how or why, but I'm good at it. Finding things to constantly prove their existence, when in fact, they don't exist at all.

I feel like I can't control this, and I don't know what to do.
I don't feel any guilt... the only guilt I feel is when I'm caught or almost-caught.

What is this?
And what do I do?
   
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Sequin Offline
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Re: Tiny bit fake. - July 28th 2012, 06:14 AM

Hello. My name is Molly.

I am not sure if I can help you or not, but I would love to try. The human mind is a fantastic thing because it can reason, assess its surroundings, store memories, etc... but it is also capable of free thought and imagination. With free thought comes curiosity, and it is because of curiosity that we venture out into our world and explore, learn, create, etc.

Unfortunately, though, our curiosity is limited to what we can actually achieve in the real world. When it comes to experiencing life through someone else's eyes, no matter how hard we try to understand said person we will never actually be able to walk a mile in their shoes. We can come close to understanding them on many levels, sure, but never to absolute perfection.

This probably frustrates the mind more than we will ever know, so the idea of you venturing out into the online world and exploring identities other than your own can certainly be explained. But why it is a compulsion for you is probably tied into something a lot more steep than just curiosity. If it is a compulsion, there is a possibility that the deception is fulfilling something for you that you lack in your real life. Is this healthy? Likely not, since the fact that you are constantly having to go back would suggest that the fulfillment does not last long.

If I were you, I would think about the types of persons you pretend to be online. Is there a common factor involved? Think beyond the obvious. When you pretend, do you do specific things? Do you seek out specific emotional responses from others? Do you seek specific feelings from others to be directed toward you? Do you seek to be nurtured, to flirt, to make people angry, etc? Or do you just seek to fool people? Is it more important to be one step ahead of them, to know something they do not know as a means of appearing more smart? Is it important that you control the reality that you are creating, that you "control" elements that are usually out of your control in real life? Is there any common factor at all involved in these online alter-egos or is it truly just random? Only you can answer that and it might be your first step to understanding better why you do these things. Because when it comes to the mind, there can be numerous reasons. Who knows? Your answer might be more obvious than you think once you begin to break it down and self-reflect.

As always, this advice is provided only because you asked.

I do wish you luck in where ever you decide to go from here.
   
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