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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MikeG Offline
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No direction in life - September 9th 2012, 08:17 PM

I don't really have anything to look forward to in life and it's starting to bug me. Lately I haven't been feeling really happy or really sad. I'm just neutral most of the time and now I'm starting to fall to the negative side, because I'm aware of this.

College isn't really what I expected. In terms of subjects it's a lot more interesting than high school, but that's not the problem. I know I'm going to pass each semester, but I'm not sure that I will to able to keep my normal routine and keep my studies in order and that means that I have to make sacrifices and I don't like the idea of that.

In terms of people, I came to the conclusion that maybe I don't really want to meet people. I convinced myself that the problem was the people in Portugal and that in Germany I would have an easier time making friends. That might be true aswell, but I noticed that I don't really like talking to people in general. More exactly I don't like to small talk with other people. And it becomes kind of annoying asking and saying the same things the whole time due to the whole introduction thing. I stopped trying to get to know more people than just a handful, because I honestly can't be bothered to do it all over again.

And where does it all lead it to? I don't know. I've lost interest in several things and I don't really have something that I aspire to do. I'm studying mostly because I have to do something with my time and I like the topic, but I don't know if it's something I would want to do the rest of my life. I've always wanted certain things, but I can't seem to motivate myself to work for them and I eventually lose interest in them.

I've always wanted to meet a girl and build a relationship, but that seems kind of vague right now. I've always wanted to write a book, but I can't be bothered to do so. The same with setting up a band, the same with helping others in the internet (such as on this forum) and the list could go on and on. I procrastinate like crazy, but if I'm not motivated to do something, then in my opinion it's not really worth it. I need to have fun until I reach my goal and if that doesn't happen then it makes no sense to actually give an effort to reach anything.
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Re: No direction in life - September 12th 2012, 03:16 PM

Have you tried going out and doing something you really enjoy? It is an easy way to make friends without noticing the small talk. It gives you a conversation starter. If you say you don't enjoy doing anything anymore than go and try something new! That also is a super fun way to meet people and it spices up your life a bit. About the part where you just feel numb, maybe you should try going to a counselor. They can help you out with a lot. I speak from experience. Once you get more comfortable and start sharing more your life outside the counselors office becomes much more enjoyable, and you could get help for most of the issues you wrote about. Best of luck-Lexie
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Re: No direction in life - September 13th 2012, 10:30 PM

Sadly, as you reach adulthood, you will have to make some sacrifices. It's all about balancing what you have to do vs. what you want to do, and hopefully finding a way to make what you have to do something you want to do as well. =P College is going to be a new experience for you, and yes, you will be unhappy at times when you have to stay home and study for an exam/work on a paper vs. doing something more enjoyable. That's life, though, so all I can really say is to get used to it (and to keep striving for that goal of making what you have to do something you want to do as well - it's not always possible with the smaller tasks, but you can pick a career that is fulfilling, and working is definitely something you have to do!).

When it comes to making new friends, I totally get where you're coming from. I'm not one for "small talk," either. When you're a freshman in college, it's ESPECIALLY annoying, because EVERYONE starts off with "What's your major?" "Where do you live?" "What classes are you taking?" "Are you going to this party?" etc. It gets really old, really fast. I know that I burned out after "welcome week" festivities - I didn't want to talk to anyone new, and just stuck with my roommates for the first year. Unfortunately, "small talk" is generally how all friendships start. Most people aren't willing to go straight into deep, meaningful conversations. It takes time to develop a strong friendship, and getting to know people on a superficial level is the first step. As you spend more time with that person and progress toward more interesting topics, you'll hopefully find you have some things in common with them, and that will lead to the kinds of connections you're looking for. =) I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you need to take a break, that's fine, but don't isolate yourself from people altogether. Stay connected with a few promising people, and when you're feeling adventurous, try something new (like the previous poster mentioned) and meet people through those venues!

Finding motivation to work toward long-term goals can be challenging. Keep in mind that it IS okay to change your major and/or career in the future - in fact, quite a few people do that. I know people who chose therapy as a second, third, or even fourth career! If you are interested in something now, but you're not sure if you'll still be interested in 10/20/30 years... don't worry. Go for it now, and if things change, you can always go down a different path at that point. Another alternative would be to take a break from college in order to re-assess your goals. Yet another alternative would be to stay in classes, but to expand your selection of classes and try some new subjects. Maybe you'll discover you have a passion for something else, which will help you in deciding what you eventually want to do for a living.

We all procrastinate, slack off, and give up on ambitious ideas. As long as you're moving forward in some way, all of that is okay. The real danger is when you become stagnant. Having doubts is okay - not having any goals whatsoever isn't. Start off by creating a small goal, something you can achieve today. After that, work your way up to more meaningful goals that will take a little longer to accomplish (ex. going to the gym three times a week - you probably won't be motivated at first, so you'll start off with once a week, but it's still something!). Keep exploring your options, like the previous poster said. You never know what you'll develop an interest in!

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