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Mav455 Offline
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Am i so bad? - September 27th 2012, 06:22 PM

Hi I`m new to TeenHelp. Just need some one to talk to, and not criticize me for once. Im skinny, quiet and keep to myself. Something that is constantly pointed out by my family members. I eat a LOT and thats something they have seen, but they still always have to mention it and I hate it. Im quiet because I dont have anything to talk to them about, and sometimes I dont even want to talk to them. When they do talk to me, its to point out those things. So I spend most of my time on my phone or listening to music. But they dont understand the reason I do so is so I dont have to hear them say those things to me. I love listening to Pink-Perfect, but it sometimes brings tears to my eyes because of the words it includes so I listen to something else. I feel like I love the message it sends. I have anaemia(iron deficiency) and sometimes have `attacks` where I begin to get dizzy and have to rest. They use this to say its because I dont eat much, or because Im quiet, or because Im always on my iPod or something or the other. And now I found out I have epilepsy. I dont mind as its better than somethings else serious. The only thing that brings me down is that this is now another thing they can use to say that has happened due to my being skinny, or quiet, or always on an electronic device. But its not, its due to a sudden flicker of light that appears in my vision. But they dismiss that and blame it on those other things. I am losing my self confidence day by day, and find myself crying to myself at night quietly, because Im scared and dont know what to do. How to get help. You tell me. Am i that bad of a person?
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Re: Am i so bad? - September 28th 2012, 01:22 AM

First of all, welcome to TH!
I know how hard getting along with family can be, especially if they don't understand. That's the thing though, if they don't undersand you should try to help them. Let them know that it hurts you when they say these things, and if they have nothing else to say that you would rather not hear it.
Communication solves a lot of problems if the other person is willing to listen.

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Re: Am i so bad? - September 29th 2012, 07:47 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

Have you always "kept to yourself," even as a child? Or is this something that has changed over time? If it's the latter (something that changed over time), can you identify why that happened? Sometimes, people will begin to "keep to themselves" when they reach adolescence, because they want more space to explore their interests and become independent. Family members don't always understand that, though, and will see it as a bad thing. When they point out how you "keep to yourself," it's probably because (in their minds) they want to point out that something's wrong. That's not necessarily a bad thing - I mean, it's your family's job to look out for you and take care of you - but the way they're doing it is just making you feel worse. That's why communicating your needs, even if you don't think they'll listen, is very important.

Something else I'd like to point out is that this can become a "cycle" of sorts. If you "keep to yourself," then you may not be as talkative around your family members and tell them what's going on in your life, good or bad. If they don't know what's going on, then they need to "fill in the blanks." They may jump to conclusions and have the worst-case scenarios in their minds. For example, they may think you're "skinny" because you have an eating disorder. Fearing this may be true (or may become true with time), they point out how "skinny" you are (but they never say what they REALLY mean, which is that they worry you may be developing an eating disorder). You don't like that they point out how "skinny" you are, so you continue to "keep to yourself." This continues to keep them in the dark about what's going on, so they continue to worry and continue to point things out to you, which causes you to push them further away, and so on and so forth.

The best way to break this cycle is to talk. You can continue to "keep to yourself" in the sense of having personal space, but giving your family members some information and reassurance that you're okay could go a long way. Do you talk about what happened at school? If you don't, why not try doing that when you get home and are around your family? Talk about the highlight of your day - share information with them - and over time, they may decrease the amount of time they spend pointing things out to you. If that happens, you may feel more comfortable around them and be willing to communicate even more, working up to the conversation where you tell them how all of this makes you feel, and what they could do to make things easier/safer for you.

Good luck with everything! Feel free to keep us updated on your situation. =)

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