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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Redacted Offline
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Name: Garrett
Age: 22
Gender: Lifeform
Location: Hell

Posts: 3
Join Date: October 13th 2012

Discoveries and Personality - October 13th 2012, 04:55 AM

As a first post this isn't strange to me. I've been on this forum a very long time ago...It was a time of attention seeking and mental instability with self-harm and clinical depression. I'm slightly better now though. Hell, I had stopped right before they sent me to rehab.
It wasn't fun.
Anyway, as this is the "Mental Health" board, I guess I should talk about my Mental problems, if they're even classified as one. If not, feel free to move this.

For the past months I've been overly paranoid of non-existing things. I've looked behind my back, behind the shower curtain, and can't shake the feeling of something watching me.

Coupled with that I've started becoming more and more depressed than normal, this is either triggered by my move across the country in two weeks, or from the constant bullying and harassment at school.

But why am I being bullied? Well, I've talked to the principle about it and he said "Teenagers will be teenagers." and he let it continue. Since then, I've always been wanting to just end the aggressors life and move on with my own. I'm not stupid enough for that, although the world can do with a few less stupid people in it...
Homicidal Urges, is basically what I was getting at.

A couple years ago, I was a depressed child, I had been cutting myself daily(almost every hour or so), it was bad. Then suddenly I had found something on the internet. Now, I've always been a computer geek. I know how the internet works. A friend(who disappeared shortly after this conversation) who was also highly intelligent, told me about something that even I have a few problems with.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

We had talked and I was ignorant, I spewed words such as "That's pretty gay dude, get that out of my place." several times.
Then I actually watched the bloody show.
I loved it. I've been kind of hooked ever since and have gone to BroNYCon and have enjoyed the fandom, though it does have it's own problems. After I watched it, I stopped self-harming. It's kind of strange really, a TV show making me feel happy. Haha, life is kind of screwed up that way isn't it?

Fast forward a year.

Almost the end of eighth grade year. New school too.
I was released from rehab for kids and put back in school. The (not very)funny story of how I even made up a months worth of work is because of the "No Child Left Behind" act. I passed my final tests and they moved me on.

New year of school.
It just started and I'm moving after the first term. In the last month though, I told everyone who was "friends" with me that I was gay. Because I might as well tell them. Since then, everything has changed except with 3 of them. Oh the time we live in...

Yesterday though, I had enough of the bullying. It was all from one kid though, and it was more just words and being an asshole than anything else.

I essentially beat the crap out of him, and he hasn't told anyone, apparently he got that black eye from falling, haha.
I think he's learned his lesson and knows not to piss me off.
Onto the other bits:
I'm not what everyone calls "Normal". I don't style my hair for 20 minutes.
Speaking of hair, mine is long for a guy's hair, and I talk about random subjects.
It can't be ADHD because I can actually pay attention to things for a long time, I just choose not to,
My teacher's have become worried and I was told they would be telling my mother about it if I don't change who I am.
That list includes, my homosexuality, ADHD(that isn't there) and laziness.
The laziness is just me not working on pointless busy work, such as taking every single note word for word or else my score will be docked half credit because apparently the word "and" is important instead of another comma. which is incorrect grammar, but who the hell else is reading my notes?
I don't see anything wrong about my personality or who I am as a person, is there?
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Re: Discoveries and Personality - October 15th 2012, 02:48 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

At the very end of your thread, you asked if there's anything wrong with your personality or with who you are as a person. The short answer is, not unless it's causing you or your loved ones distress. Now, for things like being gay, your loved ones being distressed doesn't count. If they're upset because you're not straight, but your homosexuality is something you embrace, then that's a non-issue. Things like being overly paranoid, depressed, and having homicidal urges, though, are another matter. I don't see how those feelings couldn't be distressing for you. Heck, I'M feeling slightly distressed for your sake, knowing that you have to deal with all of that! Additionally, "beating the crap" out of someone could land you in jail someday, which should be a distressing thought for you. So my advice in that regard would be to seek help. If the people in your immediate circle won't help you, look into support groups, online resources (you already found TeenHelp!), hotlines, etc. You deserve to be happy and healthy. =)

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