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I've finally broke and lost it - October 22nd 2012, 05:13 PM

My best friend whose a girl (i'm a guy) I liked a couple times, both times shot down although the first was a better chance. I still like her somewhat, I think at least. I know I have to get over her because I doubt anything else will happen. Saturday night, she was at my house the whole day with some friends of mine. Randomly, my other two friends showed up with the kid she likes that I want to kill basically. She randomly had to go, saying she had to go home. I already knew something was up and can't stand liars and people that betray me. I got pissed and went off, saying I was going to fuck up the kids house and the cars. I got to his street with knifes on me, and seen they were all outside but didn't see me. I left with my two friends that said they had to go home, but instead went to the kids house because my bestfriend was scared of me. I told her never talk to me again and such, I just had it. I never had cried in 4 years and was told by my stepdad its for pussies. I finally cried all night and in the morning I couldn't stop, I looked at my mom and said take me to the pyschward. I'm only 16, so I didn't know much about it besides the fact my moms been there three times before. Before we got to leave, six of my friends that had gone to the kids house last night saw me and chased the car. My mom stopped and it was the first time they all seen me ever cry, especially as much as I did. My bestfriend asked to say goodbye, but I ignored her and she wasn't there. She walked home alone while all my friends I found out were crying at my house, watching it for the day. I never had people I could trust or talk to in life, so I broke even more when my mom told me. My bestfriend told me how she broke down on her walk home and how she couldn't take it. My friend that brought her back when I returned showed me the messages she sent to him about me, to try to convince me to talk to her. She sent him a picture with the flowers, locket, and picture of myself I gave her. She wrote under it "I come home, to almost dead flowers and a heart locket pinned against the wall with a picture of one of my bestest friends, just to know I have a dead friendship with him. I cant do this.". I was shocked to see it and my friend told me, she said she loved me but doesn't like me as the other way. I talked to her outside my house, explaining it would of made me mad but it angered me more that she had to lie. She said she promised not to lie again about anything and we hugged for a full minute. She also said how if I didn't talk to her again or be friends, she would of broke down herself. I never lost it just because of her though, I have much more in life that just filled me with anger and it never came out. I just don't understand what triggered it finally. Everybody in my family almost is bipolar and the doctor thinks I am too.
   
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Re: I've finally broke and lost it - October 22nd 2012, 07:46 PM

I'm sorry I'm not exactly sure what to say to that but I wish you well <3
   
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