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View Poll Results: is something wrong with me??
yes, your anger is not normal 1 50.00%
no 1 50.00%
Voters: 2. This poll is closed

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
aadharshd Offline
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Exclamation Anger management problems (cause of studies and broken heart) - October 29th 2012, 11:34 AM

Not sure if this is under depression or mental health. Im an Asian teenager and so grades are very important to me. I just lost hope in life. my friends realize that i had a horrible year but i feel distant to them sometimes.

Recently I have been getting angry easily especially at life in general due to studies and a broken heart and i sorta just lost hope. i used to be a very good student and one of the best in the grade actually. but however, i have been getting only average grades partly due to not being able to cope up after moving a grade up. all of my friends and teachers have noticed this and asked me whats wrong. i even got pulled aside by 2 teachers that were concerned that one of their brightest students had falling grades.

i am usually a very tolerant person and was happy with what i had in life. i never get angry at people and i never show it either. however a few months back i had my heart broken (long story in another post) and that was the first time i let my anger out at anyone (didnt scream or anything. it was over FB and i said some pretty hurtful things and stopped talking to her). the second time was when my mother accused me of being a liar (i was telling the truth btw) and hit me multiple times. i NEVER argue back with my parents but i just couldnt hold it in any longer and i SCREAMED at my mom for the first time ever in my life. it was the angriest i have ever gotten in my life. i did not like it but partially felt good to let out all the steam for once. i reached a new all-time low in my life that i even started lying about my grades to my parents (never done this before since tehy were always good) but they found out and i got screwed.

this year, nothing has gone my way. i had my heart broken, my grades falling, strained relationship with parents, best friend left me and just rotten bad luck in general. i realized how unhappy i was which led me to get angry very easily at life and people in general. i always feel like breaking something or have aggressive thoughts.

these depressing and aggressive thoughts are obviously affecting my studies and i have turned into a melancholic pessimistic person who thinks that life just sucks.

is something wrong with me? is it wrong to be angry at life? do i have anger management issues? is it wrong that i just lost hope?

Last edited by aadharshd; October 29th 2012 at 11:47 AM.
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Re: Anger management problems (cause of studies and broken heart) - October 29th 2012, 10:36 PM

Everyone feels anger at some point, and that's okay! Anger is a natural emotion that you feel in response to wrongful behavior (ex. being accused of lying, being physically abused, having your heart broken). You may also feel anger at yourself when you make a mistake (ex. getting a low grade in a class, being hurtful toward friends). Anger is perfectly fine - in fact, it's good to express anger, because as you've already discovered, anger will build up over time if it doesn't have an outlet. You need to find ways to release that anger in healthy ways, so that it doesn't have an unhealthy effect on your life.

I understand that there may be cultural issues at play here, but would you consider speaking to a psychological professional (or at least your school counselor) about what's going on? People can't help you unless you're willing to share information with them, and based on how two of your teachers have responded, people are clearly concerned about your overall well-being. Open up to them. Tell them you're feeling overwhelmed with the schoolwork. I have no doubt that you are very smart, but jumping up an entire grade can be quite challenging. Perhaps it would be best to reconsider that decision with the school's administrators. If going back down a grade level isn't possible, you should be able to receive additional support through tutoring, and talking to the guidance counselor can help you begin to learn how to manage this anger in healthier ways.

Ideally, everyone in your family would agree to see a psychological professional together, because it's clear that there are some unhealthy family dynamics. Physical force is NEVER okay, no matter how upset your parents are. They need to learn how to communicate with you more effectively, vs. assuming you're a liar and hitting you in retaliation. Do you think they would consider seeing a family therapist, if they knew it would help improve your grades? I know that sounds kind of bad (because parents should want to help their children - period!), but think about it. If your parents think academic performance should be a top priority, then approaching therapy from that angle ("I'll do better at school if I can get help and work through our problems as a family") may convince them to give it a shot. It also takes the focus off of them at first - they won't feel like you're "attacking" or blaming them for your various issues. They'll probably be more willing to go if they think their presence is going to help you, vs. going to change the way they think/act toward you.

Bad things happen to everyone, and rather than giving up and thinking we'll never be happy again, we push forward. It may take a while for things to improve, but we hold on to the hope that things CAN and WILL get better with time. That's what you need to do as well. I'm not saying this to diminish the intensity of what you're feeling right now, but I can honestly say that I've hit low, LOW places in life, like you have now, and I got through it. Many other people on TeenHelp have as well, and you can, too. Hang in there! Get help from whoever is willing to offer it. Don't assume people won't want to help you, won't know how to help you, or that you're not worth being helped. None of that is true.

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anger, broken, heart, management, problems, studies

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