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myimmortal Offline
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Name: Safiya
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Unhappy What's going on? :( - February 16th 2013, 09:15 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi.
I just really need some help, I don't know what to do anymore
I have a dysfunctional family, I've lost every friend I've ever had and
about a year and a half ago, I became depressed.
The depression wasn't too bad, though, it was bearable.
But last June, I got worse, to the point I got dangerously close to killing myself.
I found a way to get through that time, but over the last few months I've gotten so bad I just don't know how to cope. I'm so depressed I don't want to do anything and I have a really hard time talking to people. I stutter,my throat tightens, I forget what I was saying, I pronounce things wrong, and it's just embarassing. I avoid social situations at all costs, even just something as simple as ordering food or asking someone something.
Just a few weeks ago, I've been hearing voices, and seeing things. Not to a terrible extent, but still disturbing. Like just yesterday I thought I heard someone shout my name from a room in my house. Not like a voice in my head, but totally audible. And a few weeks ago I walked past the laundry room and saw my mom standing by the washing machine, talking on the phone. I walked into the living room, and she was on the couch reading a book. I walked back to the laundry room and there was nothing there. I wasn't sleep deprived or anything, and I don't take drugs

I also have this extreme hate for myself. I tell myself I'm useless,worthless, etc. I try and make myself suffer by cutting until I bleed, only eating when I'm really hungry and pulling my hair. I don't know how to explain it but it's almost unintentional in a way. Right now, I don't want to suffer, or cut or anything, but maybe tomorrow, I'll wake up and want to do anything I can to make myself hurt

I have very bad concentration issues and my memory is terrible.

My mom knows a bit about my depression, and I've told her numerous times in the last few weeks I really need the help of a psychiatrist, but she isn't very keen on the idea. For what reason, I don't really know.

I came to this forum because I'm really at the end of my rope now. I don't know what to do. Does any one know what this could be, or have experienced this before?
I really do appreciate responses!

-Safiya

Last edited by myimmortal; February 16th 2013 at 09:25 PM.
   
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Re: What's going on? :( - February 17th 2013, 05:18 AM

Maybe you don't need to see a psychiatrist, though. I mean, you should probably talk to your family doctor first. If they see it's just Depression you're experiencing, you may be able to figure out therapy and/or medication with just your family doctor, without needing a psychiatrist.

Perhaps talking to the doctor would be your best first step towards figuring out what's wrong, and what kinds of things could help you out.


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