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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Gabrielle
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Red face Trichotillomania - hair pulling - March 1st 2013, 01:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi. I've been a TH member for a few days now, mainly because of this topic, so I think I'm ready to post about it. I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe find someone who's going something similar. It's probably going to be super long, so it's okay if you don't read it all.

If you're not sure what it is, trichotillomania (trick-o-till-o-mania) is an "impulse control disorder," which causes one to pull out their hair.

For a few years now, I've been pulling my hair on and off, but never from my scalp. It started with my quest to perfect eyebrows (i know) and me spending as much time as I could plucking my eyebrows. Eventually I noticed I was plucking too much, so i had to leave them be for a few days. For some reason I found that really hard. I had to grow out my bangs because my eyebrows always had scabs and cuts from me obsessing over hairs I couldn't get. Then one day I'd pulled from my legs. And my arms. And everywhere. I was about 12 or 13 and this point. I don't really remember doing much pulling last year, but in the past few months, I've started at it again. And it's really rapidly progressed to my head, leaving me with a bald spot a bit bigger than my palm, from just a few weeks worth of pulling. There were a few factors that caused me to pull from my head. One being a small bump on my head, that's been there as long as I can remember, but I've never been able to see it because of my hair. (I can sure see it now - it's a little pink lump of scar tissue from something). Another being I kept finding these thick, bumpy, wiry hairs on my head (sort of like pubic hairs, for lack of better comparison,) which I always had to pull out, and since I'd always lose them, it was a big accomplishment when I'd finally get one out. When i couldn't find them, I'd pull anyways.

Sometimes I'm not even aware I'm doing it. I often do it when I'm watching TV, if I'm lying in bed and can't sleep, if I'm on the computer, when I'm bored in class, and basically every time my hands are idle. In fact sometimes when I'm sketching I take breaks to pull and think. It freaks me out and I know it's gross and embarrassing. When I doing it I know I shouldn't but I just can't stop. I used to pull one hair, feel it, and toss it. Now I grab 6,7,8 hairs and yank them from the root, and toss, and grab more hair. Sometimes I blister my thumb from digging my finger nail into it. My will power just flies out the window, and I feel so stupid. Why can't I just stop it?

The biggest issue is the fact that I haven't brought it to anyone's attention. I hate talking about things like this, because I find it very intimate and private, and whenever I do talk about my feelings in general, I wake up the next morning regretting it, and I just want my secrets back. Sometimes these pulling sessions last for hours. Some days I only pull once, and some days I cause the size of my bald spot to double.

I can't see myself telling anyone, and I can't see myself stopping but one or the other is going to happen very soon at the rate I'm going, and that scares me so fucking much.
   
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Re: Trichotillomania - hair pulling - March 1st 2013, 06:47 AM

Hey Gabby,
I used to have trichotillomania too. My parents identified my behaviour and researched 'self-help' methods for trichotillomania. You may find this website helpful, http://www.trich.org/dnld/HelpYourself.pdf
Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever want to talk about it.
Good luck


I could dwell on my problems... But I'd rather make a milkshake...
   
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