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Unhappy Past memories and illness returning! - March 12th 2013, 06:35 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am scared to hell, I feel like my illness that I had back in school is coming back. Some memories that I would rather not have remembered have returned. I was abused by my uncle when I was younger, he always used to hit me and try to hurt me. I tried my hardest to block out the memories and just completely forgot about them because they are too painful, but recently I have been getting the images back of the abuse he caused me. Then there was my father's best friend who raped me when I was 15 year old, it was a film that triggered this old memory back. Now I can't get either of these things out my head. And one of my friends was saying to me today that I have been calling myself a different name and I have been acting like a totally different person. It sounds like my multi personality disorder is coming back but I am too afraid to go to the doctors to see in case they send me away again. I don't want to go back to that place where I had been. I nearly ended off killing my doctor, I hope he has forgiven me! I didn't know what I was doing. Somebody please help! I am so confused, alone and lost and so bloody terrified. It's getting to the point where I want to end my life!
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Re: Past memories and illness returning! - March 15th 2013, 12:58 AM

Hey there! I think you should seek help for this right away. Whether it's Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or some other condition that causes flashbacks/dissociation, chances are it won't go away by repressing the memories. The memories need to be processed in a therapeutic way, and that should be done with a professional. Can you go to a different doctor and explain what happened in the past (abuse/rape), as well as reveal the symptoms you're currently having (flashbacks/dissociation)? They're going to need as much information as possible in order to determine which treatment is best for you. It would also be a good idea to explain that you've behaved in a violent manner, ONLY when dissociating. That won't be a deal-breaker for treatment; however, you may be asked to commit to an in-patient facility for a period of time, both for the sake of your safety and other people's. A more controlled environment can greatly reduce the odds of anyone getting hurt while you seek treatment.

I wish you all the best - please don't hesitate to keep us updated on your situation!






   
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Re: Past memories and illness returning! - March 18th 2013, 10:22 PM

Hey there, thanks for the quick reply. I have made an appointment to go and see my doctor. He said he should be able to see me in the next few weeks about my situation. I tried to get an earlier one but he said it was the only slot he had. I am too scared to go out of the house in case I kick off again the way I used to, I don't want anyone or myself to get hurt if I go off the wall the way I did the last time. So for the next few weeks I will be spending my time indoors listening to music and doing work I got off this course I go to every now again. If I get admitted though would I be able to keep in touch with people from the outside world? Or will I be all alone in there? That's what made me flip the last time I was in.
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Re: Past memories and illness returning! - March 19th 2013, 12:43 AM

I'm glad you made the appointment - congratulations on taking that step! In the meantime, would you be willing to consider a support group of some kind? I don't know what is offered in the UK, but in the US, there are organizations like NAMI that offer resources to people to want free support. Sometimes, seeing other people who are struggling and knowing you're not alone can be helpful while coping with the symptoms and waiting for your doctor's appointment. With that being said, if at ANY point you believe you are a danger to yourself or others, please call emergency services - don't bother waiting for the doctor's appointment.

I can't imagine that an inpatient treatment facility would completely isolate you from your loved ones - that seems counterproductive, as one of the greatest predictors of improvement is the amount of social support you have! While your family members and friends may not be able to visit you whenever they want, I'm sure they'll be able to call and write to you, at the very least. The facility would probably have set visiting hours as well - if not every day, then at least once a week. If you have concerns about a specific facility, you can always ask your doctor or ask someone to call places in the area to learn more about visitation times and ways to communicate with patients.






   
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Re: Past memories and illness returning! - March 19th 2013, 07:47 PM

I have been going to a group for a couple of month now for people with troubles, but it just doesn't seem to help anymore. I have a few friends who I made there and they have been great to me, we have helped each other through so much. I will not hesitate to called emergency services if I become a danger to myself or others, I don't want anybody to get hurt, not like the last time. I will talk to my doctor about the facilities when I go to my appointment. I know it's probably highly unlikely that I will flip if I go out anywhere and that I am worrying over nothing, it's just the thought at the back of my mind. If I do have to go to a facility I will try and see if I can stay in touch with you and tell you how I am getting on.
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