Male Advice Preferred: Dating a bisexual girl

[Always *]

So I have labelled this for guys, but it's ok who ever answers.

So I generally just chalk myself up to being a bisexual. I've never dated a girl or even developed a serious interest but that's because by the time i came to terms with this i was in a sabbatical on dating. i'm just not interested in anyone right now, male or female, but I am finding to be sexually/romantically= attracted to both genders... just not to any one person in specific... just so that you all understand where i am coming from.

So I heard that some guys are threatened by bisexual girls. Something about them being worried the girl will leave them and there is twice as many people to leave them for or something like that. I was just wondering if this is true? No one really knows that I am bi, mostly because I odn't feel the need to define myself by my sexuality, it honestly kind of bothers me when you meet someone and they're practically like "Hi I'm Linny, I'm gay" and it's like ... uh... thats nice, did i really need to know that already? it's partially societies fault though with the uhm heteronormalizing? I think that's the right word, where you just assume everyone is heterosexual, so I just don't feel the need to tell people unnecessarily, if it was relevant then I would... Ok so semantics aside, I was wondering what people really feel about this....

[Ennui.]

I mean, I have heard some people say that before. My U.S. History teacher once got on the topic of gay marriage and basically asked "What about the bisexuals?" He made it seem as if one day a bisexual would get tired of dating the current person and leave them for the other gender. But, he is also seventy years old and therefore from a different era. Some of my classmates were able to disagree with him about the topic, telling him that yes, bisexuals can marry whoever they want. If a bisexual leaves someone, it's not because the girl will leave them for someone else just because she can, it's because she's just not into them. Basically my classmates, both male and female, tried making that point but of course he didn't hear it.

So I think that maybe it also depends on the person and their own views. You're going to have people who will be accepting and understand that bisexual doesn't automatically mean you're going to be promiscuous, and other people who don't really understand. But hopefully other people will give you their opinion on what they think as well.

But you're right that you don't need to define yourself by your sexuality. Just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you're going to be unfaithful or leave your partner with no reason, so if you meet someone who thinks that maybe you can politely explain to them.

-Dez

[PSY]

I've always thought the idea of bisexual partners being more threatening "because they have twice as many people to cheat with" is ridiculous. That says something about their MORALS, not their SEXUALITY (of course, some people will argue being bisexual is immoral... but that's another issue). If someone is going to cheat on you, it's not a matter of numbers - it's a matter of opportunity. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc. partners cheat because they don't respect their partners, because they choose not to communicate with their partners when dissatisfied with their relationship, because they're afraid of the intimacy/commitment, and so on.

[Always *]

That's what I've always thought, like if I was going to cheat on someone it's because my morals/ethics don't tell me that this is something that's wrong, and it's not because I can't be bothered to be faithful... And if I started dating a girl it's not because my last ex "turned me gay" (I've heard that one too), it's because I was attracted to both genders to begin with and it is by no means a smack on his manhood... I think a person can be attracted to "manly men" and "girly girls" without it being like some smack on their masculinity/femininity to be able to transition from one to the other (and I mean dating 1 guy then breaking up and dating 1 girl, not cheating)... I'm just not sure why some people get this idea that it's some how a threat... Like for example, I'd never cheat on a guy (ever) nor would I cheat and be like "well, it was with a girl so it doesn't really count" cause actually it does given my capacity to be attracted to both genders and given our cultures expectation of emphasizing monogamy, if I wanted to be able to go with multiple people and date around I wouldn't commit to a relationship to begin with (not that I am really the sleep around type but that's not my point so much as I am using myself as an example of my point haha)... I think that the idea that "playing for both teams" makes a person a threat or that the person is going to make their partner insecure in someway is ridiculous... I honesty wouldn't care if I had a girl/boyfriend who was bi, I'd just trust they were faithful to me and leave it at that

[Brandon]

I'm a male and I've been almost dating a bi-sexual woman for almost two years now. My girlfriend and I have a wonderful relationship -- we do very typical things that a healthy relationship does (such as argue every now and then, communicate, etc) so I don't feel like our relationship is at jeopardy or anything like that. As you well know, men are sort of the biologically territorial animals. We're pumped with testosterone so shit kind of gets complicated when it comes to our girlfriends and her interaction with her male friends. Men know other men. We know what we're capable of doing. So it's important for women to understand that we don't get nervous because we don't trust you; we get nervous because we don't trust other men. Most of us don't like the idea of other men pursing our girlfriends, most of us don't like the idea of other men pursuing our girlfriends (even when they know that she's taken), etc etc. Every woman has a price, every man has a price, and therefore there's always a possibility of something bad happening. No one likes to be vulnerable. So we don't take too kindly with our women being friends with other men because, well...I don't believe we're biologically programmed to be friends. I find my girlfriend very attractive, my girlfriend has been pursued, and I know that some of her friends are going to be thinking sexual thoughts about her. I even know some of her male friends have had a sexual history with her. The ultimate question that many people, not just men, will be thinking is "am I good enough?" If my girlfriend is being pursued by different men, she'll be pursued by different types. Some may be even more physically attractive than I am...some may even have a better personality than I have...and this creates competition.

Competition is the issue at hand. You may very well enjoy what you do at your job, but the bottom line is that you still have to be good at it if you want to succeed in that job. You can have a passion for cars, but if you aren't viewed reliable for the company, you'll get your ass fired. This is just how the world works. There's competition, and there's nothing we can do about it. There's competition in the outside world and in ourselves. We always wanna do better, be better, and etc. Essentially, we have to be on our A game in order for our girlfriends to keep us because she damn well knows that she can leave me and find someone else in a heart beat...and there's not a damn thing that I could do about it...UNLESS....I prevent it in the first place.

When it comes to relationships, there's a lot of calculations that we don't think about. Unfortunately, how much competition is out there is part of those calculations. I want the less amount of competition as possible; if I had the choice, I don't want anybody pursuing my girlfriend at all. But unless we're all morally perfect and she wears a big blinking sign above her head that says "TAKEN," she's going to get pursued. No question about it. If I'm going to walk into a situation, set myself up for heart break by falling in love with a woman, I wanna know exactly what I'm dealing with. I wanna know that I'm so good at being her boyfriend that no one else is a competition to me. If she makes friends with a dude I've never heard of, I wanna know that he's not a risk. If I'm gonna get fucked, I wanna see it coming. I don't like surprises, especially surprises that I could've prevented. It's not about the fact that I don't trust my girlfriend; it's got nothing to do with trust. I trust my girlfriend 100%, but that still doesn't mean I'm gonna let go of any possibility. I don't wanna get hurt. I don't want another man stealing my girl away from me even when she's told me that she's wanted to get married and stuff like that. But for bi-sexuals, it's a little bit different. I have to continually remind myself that it's not just men I'm in competition with but women. That woman that's hanging out at her dorm? She's just equally as likely to pursue my girlfriend. Her female room mates? There's always a possibility. If my girlfriend was heterosexual and she had a girl's party only, I wouldn't feel so bad because I know that she's have to be REALLY fucked up if she'd consider herself straight and end up having a sexual encounter with another woman. But bi-sexual, it's equal playing ground. You got more potential population to pursue you, you got more opportunity, and therefore I got more competition. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm threatened by my girlfriend because she's bi-sexual, but I'm a lot more cautious. I don't trust anyone around my girlfriend. Dating a bi-sexual is a completely different experience.

[Always *]

I dunno, I've experienced this from both sides though. Like I am friends with a lot of the guys I've had sex with or dated or what ever, and i know there is nothing there. I know that even if they pursued me I'd just say no... Just like i would to any other person who was pursuing me who I wasn't interested in. I think we're all capable of saying no. And this is hwere I think your wrong. Yes, I can understand not trusting another guy to try something on your girlfriend and putting her in that position but at the same time you have to trust that she'll turn him down and unless you are going to tell me that all men are rapists then I know that you can be jealous/insecure about another guy trying to take your girl... But you've got to trust that she'll have friends who are men. And turn them down if they get too interested. Personally this is always something contentious for me. I understand being jealous/wary... But I have always had guys who are friends and it's always been fine. If you want to assume that the reason men are friends with men (vice versa) is because there is no potential for sexual attraction then people like me shouldn't be friends with anyone because I have an equal likelihood of getting "to close" to a women... But I think that depends on your point of view, i personally would have major clashes with a guy/girl who believed that you can't be friends with the opposite gender especially given that I had a controlling ex who wouldn't allow me to be friends with any guys who he didn't know OR didn't deem to be major nerdy/not attractive enough for me to ever be attracted to... And that for me was ridiculous because it boiled down to that he didn't trust ME end of story. He needed to trust me to say no and that was that... But this is off track, I can understand your view where it's just THAT many more people to wonder if your girlfriend might be "to interested" in...

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~

I dunno, I've experienced this from both sides though. Like I am friends with a lot of the guys I've had sex with or dated or what ever, and i know there is nothing there.

Your opinion on the matter is only part of the equation. A man can confront you about your friends you have a romantic history with and you could say "there's nothing going on between him and I" or something along those lines. In a perfect world, that'd be a good enough answer, but it's a little bit more complicated than that. Of course you're going to know whether you see them as friends or not; the ultimate person that you can trust 100% is yourself because you know your own thoughts. You know your own intentions. You know YOUR side of the story. But what about the other side? That's the side that men are worried about when it comes to women and interacting with friends that were previous sex partners or whatever.

A man doesn't turn a previous sex partner into a friend completely. You may call him a "friend," you may forget about the fact that you and him have had sex, but that's not something that a man just forgets and doesn't think about. Even as a friend, he's probably going to look at you and think "man...this chick can really suck cock" or "her pussy was real nice." You can walk in front of him, he'll look at your ass, and he'll know that at some point...he was tappin' it. He may even think about you sexually -- the only difference is that it's not so much imagination that goes on inside his brain but recollections of previous memories. He knows what your ass looks like, he knows what your pussy likes like...that's the difference between friends and ex-partners that became friends. One will think about you sexually at one point or another, but another one's thoughts are more accurate than the other guy because he's personally seen your naked. And your previous partners know that if they got desperate, they could look to you because you've had sex at one point or another. It's in your history. It's set in stone. You've done it before, and you've had reason to do it before. Maybe the dude's attractive, maybe "one thing lead to another," but you probably had sexual desire, so the probability of recreating that sexual desire is a little bit higher than if they met some random woman and tried to pursue her. Because you've had sex with them, they put that fact in their pocket...just in case. A man doesn't forget about his sex partners, and it's for different reasons. I know some women feel the same way, and I know not all men think like that...but having sex with a woman is an incredible feat. Even if we remain friends, that doesn't exclude the fact that we're gonna talk about you to our friends behind your back, that doesn't exclude the fact that we're gonna still think about you sexually, that really doesn't change a whole lot. We remain friends, but I'll never look at you the same way. You're the friend that I fucked, the friend that gives amazing blowjobs, the friend that has a mole directly above her clitoris, etc etc. Once you have sex and/or date someone, the relationship has been forever changed. You may be able to look at a dude you've had sex with before and not think about the size of his dick, how good he was at making you orgasm, or anything like that...but I'd imagine that it's rare. And that's partially why I don't like my girlfriend being friends with dudes or chicks that she's done sexual shit with because it's happened before. Telling yourself that it won't happen again is not very realistic; sure, it's highly unlikely that you'd have sex with the dude again, but the probability of it happening is higher than normal because it's happened before. So regardless of whether you believe that "it's not like that anymore" is almost irrelevant. It's the fact that it happened that makes it a caution flag for people. Like I mentioned earlier, people don't want to get hurt. We're very intelligent creatures and we think about a lot of things unconsciously. We weigh a lot of factors into dating a man/woman based on a lot of things, and this is just one of them...the fact that you've got friends who you have fucked or had a relationship with.

Think of it like this: pretend for a second you work as a cashier at a grocery store. Every week you work, you steal 1 penny. So that's like 3-4 pennies a month. Is that really a big deal? 36 pennies a year? But what if your boss catches you after stealing a dollar's worth of company money? You'd get fired, even though your defense was the fact that it's only "a fuckin dollar." But it's not just you, it's the whole equation. Every little thing adds up. People have the same mentality that it's "just a penny," and the company ends up losing over 500 dollars a week just from cashiers who either miscount change or take some of their own money. All these percentages and numbers get added up. Though you probably won't have sex with your friend again doesn't change the fact that there's still a small chance, and that's a chance that not a lot of men are willing to take.

Originally Posted by ~Wallflower~

Yes, I can understand not trusting another guy to try something on your girlfriend and putting her in that position but at the same time you have to trust that she'll turn him down and unless you are going to tell me that all men are rapists then I know that you can be jealous/insecure about another guy trying to take your girl... But you've got to trust that she'll have friends who are men. And turn them down if they get too interested. Personally this is always something contentious for me. I understand being jealous/wary... But I have always had guys who are friends and it's always been fine. If you want to assume that the reason men are friends with men (vice versa) is because there is no potential for sexual attraction then people like me shouldn't be friends with anyone because I have an equal likelihood of getting "to close" to a women...

You have to consider the fact that there are many women out there who enjoy being pursued by other men even though they have a boyfriend. My girlfriend is one of those women who may flirt a little bit to get the guy's attention so that he pursues her. Once he pursues him, then she'll bring up the fact that she's dating me. To me, I find that very manipulative. I trust my girlfriend that when the time comes, she will tell them the truth about her being taken. However, it's not her that I'm really concerned about -- it's the men I'm concerned about. I'd be pretty fucking upset that a woman would flirt with me and then tell me that she's taken. But if you upset the wrong crowd, you put yourself in a bad situation. When you flirt with dudes, you run the possibility of a man pursing you. We all know that no man pursues women the same way; some will do it romantically while some men may feel so confident that they'll just slap a woman's ass when she's making passes at him, or maybe even grab her breasts. So if a taken women flirts with a man, but the man touches her ass or grabs her tits, then who should the boyfriend be mad at? Should he be mad at the man who made a pass at his girlfriend, or should he be mad at his girlfriend for flirting with the dude in the first place? Of course, no woman is really going to anticipate how a man is going to react when she casually flirts with the dude. I know my girlfriend would make the right decision when faced with something like that. I'd expect her filing for sexual harassment, or if it's someone she knows to tell him not to do that anymore. I don't want to get into that situation to begin with. If you don't want to get a speeding ticket, you obey the speed laws. You can't just speed down one road and go the speed limit down another road and use that as an excuse when you get pulled over. "But Officer, I don't speed down that road." When you allow someone to pursue you, you open yourself up to potential risks. When you are sitting in the car with someone and you allow them to run a stop sign but you get into a car crash, you're still a little bit responsible because you could've said "no" and they probably would've stopped at a stop sign. I'm not going to conclude that all men are rapists because I know that's definitely false. I'm a man and I'm not a rapist, I know that for a fact. But that doesn't exclude the fact that there are men out there who will go that route. It's like that expression "I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally." Trust is earned, and while I'm going to trust my girlfriend, I'm not going to trust people I don't know even if they're people my girlfriend has known longer than I have. It's really not so simple to say that it's all because I don't trust my girlfriend which is why I'm arguing about bi-sexuals being more to handle because they've typically got more people that I have to learn to trust.

When I say that men and women can't be friends, I mean it in a biological sense. If we were all friends, we wouldn't last very long as a species. We were built on procreaction. Am I gonna look at every woman as a potential partner? No. There are a lot of things involved in what it takes to choose a partner. There's pheromones and all that shit when you're dealing with chemistry...you know, symmetry and all that shit. But if I became real good friends with a woman and I was single for a long period of time, guess who I would look to in getting a relationship? Probably her. I know her. However, she might not feel the same way about me. I would say that it's very rare for a friendship between men and women to be strictly friends without any sexual feelings towards each other at any point during the friendship. You've seen it many times before where friends fall in love with other friends, and I'm not going to exclude homosexual relationships either. If you biologically are attracted to members of both sexes, that doesn't mean every person is considered a partner...it's just that there are a lot of factors that go into choosing a potential mate, and it's observationally rare to strictly remain friends and/or have any desire outside of friendship.

[JustACityBoy]

This idea is quite hot lol.
I don't think theres any difference between bisexual and straight women besides during sex, and again, that sounds hot.