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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My Emotions are taking me on a roller coaster - September 26th 2013, 09:18 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey there TeenHelp. It sure has been a long time since I have been here... I went over seas for a year and my life got so much better. I ended up dating the man of my dreams and everything seemed to be going right for me for once.

Until. I was raped back in May by someone who I thought was my "friend"(obviously he no longer is)... I am unsure if this is the right form to be posting in but I need help...

Well, I no longer talk to this individual, I was trying to move on and forget what happened... My relationship is now on the line with the man I am deeply in love with (he blames himself for what happened to me and is just telling me now.)
I just told my Mom this Saturday about what happened back in May. I went to the Canadian Mental Health Association to seek help and directed me to a Rape and Abuse counselor and I have been put on a wait list for high priority to be seen...

But since that day I haven't been the same. I hate myself. I have been on some form of roller costar of emotions. I can't seem to keep in check.
One minute I am alright then the next minute I know something has triggered me (a sound, strange people I don't know, smells, ect) and I go off into a rampage of emotion.
Sometimes I am in such a panic I start biting my lips till they bleed, I shake uncontrollably, some times I sit on the floor, my back against the wall and slam my head against the wall hard, I can't stop crying and I hate people.

I have grown to hate one of my boyfriends friends because she just doesn't "feel" right to me and I know that is wrong but I just don't like her and I get so angry when I see her that I start shacking uncontrollably and go into a panic.

Sometimes I wan't to end my life but I chicken out each time. I haven't been able to sleep or eat properly since that day, I don't want to do anything anymore I would just rather sit in my room and never leave. Work drives me insane and stresses me out. I am constantly depressed and feel worthless and ashamed... I blame myself for what happened to me and I know it wasn't my fault but I keep re living that event everyday and its like a constant roller coaster of emotions.

One day I could feel nothing, next day I feel happy, then today I feel like I am worthless and pathetic and just want to crawl into a hole and just stay there, I then go up that steep hill until I reach the top and that is when my emotions and body go full force and I collapse from it all. Then back down I go slowly, and then I start all over again.

After talking with an on duty councilor she told me what I was feeling was normal, but I think there is more to it all... I have had emotional problems before, but now its like its constant.
I don't know what to do... I can't wait to see someone I just want help now... The only thing I can think of is admitting myself to the hospital... but that terrifies me even more. I don't want to be stuck in there. I am so scared. But I just dont know what else to do or what's wrong with me and all I want to do is move on and be happy again.

My relationship is on the break of him leaving me because he can't handle it all anymore, my family is trying to be supportive but they are all psychopaths (don't understand emotions and shit so their first reaction to everything was "why can't you just ignore it and move on?")

I just can't keep doing this to myself and all I want is to be better...
   
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Re: My Emotions are taking me on a roller coaster - October 1st 2013, 12:28 AM

Hello,

I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

I'm glad you're seeking help for this, I personally know what you're going through with the emotions and self-blaming.

I'm here for you if you need any help, just feel free to PM me.
   
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Re: My Emotions are taking me on a roller coaster - October 1st 2013, 04:42 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry that you have experienced this. I know that there are no words that can make what happened better but I want you to know that you can heal from the experience you have had. It can take a lot of time to heal from such events but healing is possible and it is worth it. When you experience traumatic events such as rape it does a number of things to your body and mind and so the things you are describing are normal but that does not mean that makes them easy to deal with.

I think it is great that you are in the process of getting into therapy for this because a counselor will be able to help you work on dealing with the rape and will help you come up with coping skills for all of this. Your counselor will be able to help work on figuring out how to work with all of the the uncontrollable shaking, the lip biting, the crying and any other effects that might have resulted from all of this.

Do you think that admitting yourself to the hospital would be a good thing? Do you think that going in there would be beneficial to your healing process? You might be able to find some help in there and start on the path to getting help. I know it might be scary but the people in there are going to be there to help you and try and help you work on getting to a better place.

I know you are concerned about your relationship. Is there anyway you could talk to your boyfriend and work on things in that manner? Express your concern about losing him and go from there. What you have been through is going to take a lot of work but if you two can work through it together you both can work on getting your relationship back to a better place. It might help if he worked on talking to someone about the guilt that he feels.

I really hope that this helped in some way and please remember that you can heal from this. If you need anything please feel free to message me.


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Re: My Emotions are taking me on a roller coaster - October 1st 2013, 04:50 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through a tough/hard time right now. I know that there isn't anything that I can say or do that can make anything better, but may be my advice will help you in some way possible.

Are you currently seeing a therapist/counselor? If so, then I highly suggest that you talk to them about what is really bothering you. They can help you figure out ways on how to cope in situations you may otherwise have a hard time coping in. But, if you are currently seeing a therapist/counselor and they feel that your problems/issues can't be helped by a therapist/counselor, then they may tell you to think about seeing a Psychologist. The difference between a counselor and a psychologist is that there really isn't any difference in them. Receiving counseling services from a counselor is viewed as being more of a short-termed thing, whereas seeing a Psychologist is viewed as being more of a long-termed thing. A therapist can be considered a psychologist except that a therapist can specialize in a lot of different areas and they don't need a PhD in order to practice (they just need a Masters degree and a license in order to practice, I think).

Anyways, Just like what the above poster is saying do you think that by admitting yourself to the hospital that you will benefit from? If so, then go right ahead and admit yourself if you think you will benefit from the experience. If not, then think about seeing a professional in the meantime until you can get everything sorted out.

I hope this helps you out some. Please stay strong and never give up hope.




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