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Ange813 Offline
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High Expectations - April 4th 2014, 01:46 AM

Lately, I have been having a really hard time ever feeling accomplished with anything I do. A lot of my friends think I'm a little bit crazy because of it, pointing out all of my academic, athletics, and club awards. But they never seem to mean anything to me.
To make it clear on what I mean, during the past couple weeks, I received an honorable mention in the top 100 Missouri Scholars award (basically given to the top 100 Missouri High School seniors). Not only was I not excited about it, I had to do leave my house and cry because I wasn't in the top 100. This isn't me being egotistical, it literally hurt me a lot not to get it. Also, yesterday, I was told that I had received a National Merit Scholarship, which is a pretty big deal. My principal made fun of my reaction to it, when I didn't get really excited over it, even though its a big honor. And it isn't that I wasn't glad to get it, I just can't allow myself to get lower than the absolute top.
To maybe help put some of this in perspective, aside from me being super competitive by nature, my older brother (two years older than me) also won just about every academic award you can possible imagine. Even now, two years after he's graduated, he is still a legend at my school, and I am constantly living in the shadow of not being as good as him. Combined with my ultra-competitive nature, I just can't lose at anything. And honestly, I cannot remember the last time I have actually been able to feel good about an accomplishment. I feel like as far as I've gone, I shouldn't constantly feel worthless or stupid, but I still do.
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Re: High Expectations - April 4th 2014, 02:47 AM

Hey there,

A lot of people struggle with following in their siblings' footsteps. However, you are not your brother, nor do you have to follow him. You are you; you're intelligent and talented. You are your own person with your own wants, needs, and desires. You don't have to strive to be perfect because you're perfect just by being who you are.

Even if you're not too happy about your awards, I want to congratulate you anyway. What matters is that you worked really hard to get those awards! And I hope that you can eventually be very proud of yourself for this. I think it would help you to get out there, and explore a little bit! See things you want to see, and do things you want to do. Find out what you truly like and what you want for yourself. Not for anyone else, but for you.

Consider taking some time for yourself during the day; twenty minutes will do! Do something for yourself, whether that's reading, taking a warm bath, or watching TV. This will give you a chance to recharge a little bit.

Is there a reason why you're not giving yourself credit for your accomplishments? Is it because you're afraid of being vain? Or something else? Reward yourself for what you do. It can be something as small as doing your homework over the weekend. But don't be afraid to be proud of yourself because all of the awesome things you have done deserve to be recognized.

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