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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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manatee Offline
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Question Am I completely hopeless? - October 19th 2014, 07:20 AM

(I hope this is the appropriate place to share my story. Iím not certain whether to mark the content as triggering unfortunately.)
I started to feel symptoms of depression in eighth grade, the year my mother passed away. But I was never suicidal until I started high school in a new town and struggled to make friends. I still havenít made any friends at school, which means nobody to talk toóI do have a couple close friends online, one of whom is my best friend, and sheís threatened to call the cops on me when I think about doing it.
The thing is, Iím terrified to ask for help. I'm terrified of going to hospital, of missing so much schoolwork, and of my dad. He does his best to make me feel like a burden for waking up in the morning. He expects me to be perfect and yells at me, usually till Iím in tears, for being human. Heís called me a failure, a disappointment, and a waste of money all in the same fit. He never helps me with school or with planning for my future. I canít ask him for help because treatment costs money, God forbid any is spent on me. I canít confide in a teacher because sheíd be required under law to contact my dad.
What I hate the most about being alive is that Iím always alone. Iím lucky to have an Internet friend Iíve met in person, and she tells me Iím the most important thing in her life, but lately sheís been too busy for me and I have nowhere to turn. I get paranoid that no one really likes me, that Iím trying in vain to stay alive at this point. I fail myself so many times life has gone from agonising to intolerable.
Iíve heard Ďit gets betterí so many times I donít believe it. I wait so long and nothing has gotten better.
   
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Re: Am I completely hopeless? - October 19th 2014, 08:26 AM

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you Unfortunately I can't give you advice because I know nothing about depression... but if ever you feel like it, feel free to send me a message or whatever, and I'll answer. I know this probably doesn't help much, but I hope you'll get better somehow.
Best of luck, Skye.


"You shall love your crooked neighbour / with your crooked heart."
   
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Re: Am I completely hopeless? - October 19th 2014, 10:25 AM

You cant call yourself an hopeless, it never make sense, its just you need someone to talk and discuss about all your issues in your life
   
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Re: Am I completely hopeless? - October 19th 2014, 11:55 AM

Hey there are several things you could do depending on your age and country some things will work and others won't.

Second NO ONE is hopeless. the fact that your here asking for advise instead of finishing yourself off indicates that there is more than enough hope for you. Even if you can't see that right now.

Furthermore I think your father just might be abusive I don't know for sure because I don't know much about your situation but. Withholding medical help is called neglect. And the other things are verbal assault. If this happens all the time you might really call it abuse. Check out this page: http://www.americanhumane.org/childr...nal-abuse.html
If it really is a bad situation. (and not allowing your suicidal daughter to get help does sound bad to me) going to someone might help you figure out how to improve the situation.

In my country I'd advise you to go talk to a teacher or your mentor. First off ask them how much is confidential and explain the situation with your father that way the teacher might be able to work around your parents. You could consider telling him/her that your really depressed and that you don't know what to do and can't go to your father with it and tell why you can't. But forego telling your suicidal at first. That way the chance that they won't tell is bigger and maybe the step will be easier to take.

Furthermore in my country doctors aren't allowed to share things with your parenrs without your consent the moment you turn 16. And when your not 18 yet you can get help as the mental health (in cases like yours at least) is free of extra charge and minors don't have to pay a an amount of money first. (if your of age you have an amount of money up to which you need to pay yourself after that the health insurence pays for this.)

I myself sh. A teacher found out but I didn't want my parents to know because I don't want to burden them. He respected that and didn't tell. Later I found out that unless it's a life dangering situation they are legally obligated to say "we are really worried about her but for further information you must talk to your daughter" and the rest is confidantial. My teacher helped me get help and now I've got my first appointment with a therapist a week ago. I told my parents I was going to a therapist but nothing more and only because it was easier with getting free from school. (eventhough my mentor said we could go to the guy that keeps records of being present and talking about other options if I really wanted too so I guess I';m really lucky with the people helping me.)

All I want to say is that sometimes people are willing to help you. And look at the situation instead of direct protocols and maybe there are more things working in your favor than you think. I totally didn't know this much was even possible at first though I guess I did get really lucky with that teacher of mine.

Good luck. And hang in there even though it's hard.


Helping others sometimes makes it easier to feel good about yourself and help yourself.

So PM me if You want.
   
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Re: Am I completely hopeless? - October 20th 2014, 02:52 AM

I guess I always hope to hear that thereís a secret place where I can get help for feeling suicidal without anyone knowing. Like a sleep-away program where I just say Iím going to work on a school project for a few days. My family canít afford to pay for hospital treatment, but it also has odd priorities.
Where I live, I can get free and confidential therapy from the school psychologist granted I never bring up my suicidal thoughts. But thatís what I need help with most. Last year I mustered up the courage to tell my guidance counsellor I wanted to see the psychologist and she said she would get me an appointment―she never did. Every time I think about going back there again, or asking any teacher for a referral, I get the worst anxiety. I never follow my friendís advice, which is essentially Ďplease just ask for help,í because Iím so afraid.
   
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