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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kate* Offline
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Should I even tell him this? - November 2nd 2014, 04:46 AM

Long story short, since my masters program has been such a struggle and the faculty have been jerking me around so much, I've been seeing a psychologist (at the suggestion of the program coordinator) off and on since January. I had the intake last December, started seeing him in January until May, then again every 2 weeks since August. My fate in the program is once again in question. They were supposed to be discussing dismissal and then I was supposed to be notified by now and we were going to use my session on Monday to deal with whatever the decision was.

Since I have heard NOTHING from them, I can process that although there won't be much to do with it other than make a plan if it happens which I don't think it will or they would've answered me by now or I can bring up things that I lied about on the intake (almost a year ago) that never came up again. The reasons I'm hesitant:

I've basically been lying by omission for a year and I feel bad (I panicked and then tried to bring them up and just couldn't do it)

some of them aren't related to what we've been dealing with

Since I don't need to be on campus, it's extremely inconvenient to continue to see him for the 6 weeks between now and next semester

They are all serious issues, some of which I don't think he can let go. He won't have to break confidentiality, but he's going to want to deal with them and there just isn't time. I'm not doing this now to avoid dealing with them, I swear; it just doesn't really make sense to.

I'd HATE to dump these serious things on him out of nowhere and then disappear for 6 weeks or forever (if the program dismisses me, I won't be able to go back at all)

So, do I bring these things up with him for the sake of getting them out and making things straight with him, or do I hold on to them until/if I see him again? I planned on bringing them up when I went back to him in August and couldn't bring myself to do it then either. A couple of things he needs to know, no question, but again, I hate to dump it on him and then disappear. Help?


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crotia Offline
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Re: Should I even tell him this? - November 2nd 2014, 10:05 PM

First: be honest. If you can't say it you could start with telling him there are some things you should share but have really hard time doing so.

Second: If he is willing to help you work right away and stuff then that's great. Then he apparently really tries to help you.

Third: You are in therapy for you not for him. He's a professional. He has learned to let things go. They care but they don't take these things home with them or have learned to let go in some way.

Fourth: If it's really that serious shouldn't you tell him when you can. Then in your last appointment he can at the very least give you something to work with for those six weeks. And if he really thinks you shouldn't wait that long than that doesn't changes by not telling him.

And you might want to check out my new thread about therapy.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I even tell him this? - November 3rd 2014, 10:42 AM

Hey Katie,

I think psychologists and most other professionals such as counsellors expect their clients to hide things from them. I think its human nature that we donít want to bother others, donít want to cause trouble etc. because when we confess everything, we become Ďvulnerableí. We put all our trust into someone we can confide in, in the hopes that they can help us in some way. Since that requires a lot of trust, itís something that happens over time, and I think itís ok to not tell a professional everything at the beginning, and wait until later on.

That said, if things are bothering you, it is definitely the best thing to talk about it with your psychologist. You can explain as well, why you didnít bring it up at the beginning, if you felt you needed to reason it. If you feel that you canít talk about it, you can always write it down.

Though you may not have the time, Iím sure your psychologist will be able to recommend other services that can help you. Or you could simply ask about other services. Itís natural for us to feel that we Ďdumpí our problems and leave, but psychologists are trained to deal with these things- they donít take their work home with them, so Iím sure you wonít be causing him extra stress. As Crotia said, you are working with a psychologist for the benefit of yourself- the focus should be on you, not the psychologist.

Hope this helps a bit


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Philomath Offline
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Re: Should I even tell him this? - November 3rd 2014, 06:19 PM

Hi Katie,

I believe you should talk to him if you feel ready to and want to be completely honest with him. He may not be able to help you with everything in the time you have left with him this semester however, he may be able to help you next semester (if it is decided you will continue classes) or help you set up a temporary plan until you can get to another counselor where you live to continue getting help.
I think it is a part of therapy and common to not tell your therapist everything. I am currently talking to a counselor at my campus and I have been seeing her two years and finally (now at the start of my third year) I am being open with her about things. It is scary but it could be worth it.
I hope this helps and that you are able to decide what is best and continue getting help regardless of what is decided by your school staff.
Take care and you can PM me if you would like.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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