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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lionheart Offline
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Mood and personality changes - December 30th 2014, 02:08 PM

My moods and my personality (if you can even call it that) are all over the place.
I can feel like the king of the world and a minute later I can barely keep myself from crying or the other way around. I remember not to long ago having a panic attack, not being able to breath and crying just to be jumping around and laughing two minutes later.
And not only my mood, my opinion on people as well. A few days ago I was partying with some and they were my best friends, just for me to suddenly think they don't want to have anything to do with and only took me with them because they pitty me.
One day I hate my studys, the next I love them. I put hours of effort into something just to discard it as I suddenly think it's boring and pointless. I pick up a hobby one minute try to stick to it and just drop it again. It's like that with a lot of things.
Oh and about my personality or character or whatever, well I don't even wanna start on it but it's basicly nonexistent. I mean I've been everything. The class president, the weird outcast, the head of the in-crowd and the one noone even notices. I've done sports, gotten into music, books, was teachers pet, a failure, freak, noone, just a normal person and so on.
I jump around between all these personalitys, one day working hard for university, the next filling the form to drop out of university, just to burn it the next day before getting to work again.
I don't know what of this is real, what is me and what is just pretense and nothing at all.
I can't stand people complimenting me, 'cause whatever it is they compliment, it's only real for some time, befor it's nothing but fake again. They say I'm always so happy. Well yesterday I cryied my eyes out all day. I'm so fucking responsible, yeah let's not talk about that one time I drove my car after staying awake for 48 hours straight.
Oh and when they say they like me that's the best. Who the fuck do they like? The happy overexcited one, or the girl that got into a fist fight and tryied to break a friends arm, because she suddenly got so angry? Or do they rather like the calm and quiet me that has an open ear for everyone and seems to know the solution to everything?
I mean, I'm basicly noone, because to be someone you need to have a personality and I don't have one. I just have a bunch of moods that jump around all over the place and change at the worst of times.
Ever since school stoped and I started university things have gotten worse. I don't have the set structure anymore that kept the worst in check and I can't set structures for myself since everytime I try the next day I will just dump it all, as it was stupid anyway and I don't need it.
I have a problem and try to solve it, but if it takes more than one day chances are high it will fail, as the next day I just forget about it, or don't care anymore.
I study like hell because I'm in danger of failing my exams just to forget all about it the next day, since it doesn't matter anyway. I constantly contradict myself in what I say and the choices I make.
Just yesterday I had a damn panic attack because I got so scared of failing my exams and failing life, just to make plans about dropping out of university in the evening, cuae who needs education?
Lately it's become unbearable. I can't make any long term decisions, can't make important decisions and freak myself out because whatever I do, later it will just feel compleately wrong. I constantly feel like i messed up. If I pass my tests I hate myself for passing them as I wanted to drop out anyway and I just wasted my time. If I fail the tests I cry my eyes out because I'm such a damn failure.
What calms me down one day triggers me into a mess the next. A song makes me cry one time just to make my happy and smiling another.
As for people. Well I push them away and want them to leave me alone just to cry when they do because I feel so fucking alone and abandoned, but if they don't leave me alone I will hate them for bothering me when i clearly want to be alone. It's a miracle i still have friends....

I don't know what to do anymore but I honestly think even if someone has an idea, it wouldn't help since I will just abandon it a few hours later anyway.
I need a way to stop this. I don't even care who I will be then or what kind of personality I will have as long as I have one for longer then a few hours. I need something continual, something to keeps things from constantly going all over the place, so I will be able to get things done and actually make decisions.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense at all (which it probably doesn't) but I really need a way to stop this because it's ruining my life in so many different ways and I can't find a way to stop it.


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Re: Mood and personality changes - January 3rd 2015, 03:48 PM

Hey there,

I am really sorry that you've been feeling this way. You do make sense. In fact, I can relate to your moods a bit. I often go from extreme idolization of a person to absolute hatred and things like that.

Do you have any ways to express yourself/ let out your bottled up feelings? This could be done through writing, art or letting out your anger through exercise or sport. It can be very unhealthy to keep your emotions inside you. Try to find some healthy ways to let them out.

I'll strongly suggest that you see a mental health professional. This could be a counsellor at your University, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. They could help you a lot by helping you to learn coping skills and ways to manage your emotions so that you can lead a healthy life. I feel that this will give you a long term solution for your problems.

I hope that this helps.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat or just vent.

Stay strong.



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lionheart Offline
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Re: Mood and personality changes - January 6th 2015, 04:04 PM

Hey,
You have no idea how glad I am, that you understand me. Just knowing, that I'm not the only one who sometimes feels this way is kinda calming.
Currently my main way of dealing with things is just running away from them by going on walks. For hours if I have to but better than destroying something^^ And writing.
I will do that. Actually I'm already trying to get to someone .It's not so easy though because of the long waiting lists over here. I really hope it will work out.
Thanks and yes it did help! Thank you so much.


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
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