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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Carly Jessica
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Join Date: June 30th 2009


This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

between what happened waiting for the bus and what happened getting off the train/ leaving the train station things have only gotten worse now, the sights and sounds of the accidents haunt me all the time. I am having flash backs I still hear the his menacing words or I see the lady crazy deranged look. The smell of weed even makes me nervous. I start hyperventilating and my heart races and pounds and it feels like I am trapped with not enough air I am like jumpy and on edge Flash backs more vivid and like I am there all over again, Heart racing, Fast breathing, Dizzy, drenched in a cold sweat, Very warm then very cold, Hearing the threat and hearing the lady swearing and yelling at me to get back her. I also still hear my screams when she grabs me; any little sound makes me jump. Nightmares getting more intense more vivid, Feeling alone, Can’t sleep, on edge or high alert. Feeling trapped, Throat closing, Mind racing a 100 miles per minute, Overwhelmed. Well still having trouble with the traumatic stuff the threading to get shot and someone trying to rob/attack me. i saw the guy again twice on the bus and i no longer feel safe on the train or waiting at the bus stop even on bus I am scared also walking down town just scares me stiff. Nothing like this has ever happen before it’s really hard because I already have anxiety disorder i am trying to forget but it’s real hard Especially cause 5 out of 7 days at least twice a day i risk running in to them again. I seem the creepy old guy that threaten me like 20 times on bus to school on the bus home even at the mall even on weekends. Just lately I found out he lives fairly close to me and I have seen him walking outside through our courtyard. This makes me even more scared I don’t even feel safe in my own apartment, Or outside. This is a major problem I no longer feel safe and secure anywhere. My mom is leaving for Mexico in a few days and will be gone for a week leaving me alone and I don’t know how I will get through that. I have a therapist that I just talked too she says go a different way to school and I have tried but all I either way I have to go to the mall. there's a bus station and train station and is the main point I need to go to get around the city the problem is to get there. There are only two buses both of which. I see him on a lot. I am tired of letting him control my life it’s not fair I didn’t do anything and I am always on alert It’s gotten pretty bad. I no longer feel safe anywhere not on the train or waiting at the bus stop even on bus I am scared also walking down town just scares me stiff. Nothing like this has ever happen before it’s really hard Especially with my anxiety disorder i am trying to forget but it’s real hard Especially cause 5 out of 7 days i risk running in to the them. the chances are even higher cause I found out he lives in my neighborhood. I barely sleep or eat. my grades are suffering. and this is my last chance at university. I even starting cutting againITS GETTING OUT OF HAND. ITS BEEN NEARLY TWO MONTHS I really need help and tips
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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I suffer from PTSD and I admit it's really hard. I haven't exactly found a cure but I have found that time has made it better. I used to suffer from terrible nightmares but now I only get the nightmares every once in a while. I am still scared of walking to school and I don't do well with meeting people but I've been putting myself out there any ways. I am still hyper vigilant but I am better at hiding it.

I think it is good you are seeing a therapist because you can work through these problems with your therapist. Is she aware of everything that you are dealing with? I think it is good that she made the suggestion for you to go a different way. I had an incident walking to school and it was suggested that I walk another way.

I do think that some of the effects of PTSD go away with time. I know that sucks to hear because you have things that it is effecting right now. I think something that might help is if you write down some of the side effects you are dealing with and then write down some things you'd like to do to try and solve them. Talk it over with your therapist and see what she has to say. See if you can get input from her and go from there. I am sure your therapist will be able to help you work through this and get to a better place.

Wishing you the best of luck.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Hi there,
I also suffer from PTSD, I know exactly what it's like to be hypervigilant all the time and not be able to do certain things. Personally I have EMDR therapy and that works well for me, but it wont do much good for you right now as you're still living and facing the situation. I would say that you should probably file a police complaint against the people who harrased you (I dont know if you did that already) If you're scared about staying at the appartment alone then maybe try to see if you have any friends who may be interested in staying over?
I know having flashbacks is tough but I havent personally found any way to make them more enjoyable, I will normally treat myself after having one to console myself.
It wasnt clear from your message if you talked to your therapist about everything going on but you really need to tell them everything that you're facing and to explain that taking another route to school doesnt really work.

I know you can get through this.
Best wishes!
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