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I've hit a really bad spot, and I have a mix of emotions -
July 18th 2016, 02:53 AM
I'm a 14 year old female.. and my summer break started back in late May. I was fine for the first portion of it, but about halfway through, everything came to a halt and I relapsed. I was depressed for a while, but then suddenly I was hit with the hopelessness and carelessness that usually doesn't come around. Now, the next little detail is a bit gross to some, but I'm sure most of you can understand.. - I haven't showered in 2+ weeks. I haven't even went out in 2 weeks. I just really don't care about myself anymore. It has been 16 days since I even touched makeup, took my hair down or put on anything other than pajamas. I'm not exactly 'suicidal' in a depressed way, but more of a numb way.. for example, if someone broke into my house right now and harmed or even killed me, I really wouldn't care, I wouldn't fight back. I just don't really have a will to live anymore, at all. I actually feel as if I'd be better off dead but I don't feel the need to go out of my way to off myself. Life is just so uneventful (in the positive way) and I'm not interested anymore. It doesn't exactly help that I failed 8th grade over the same issue and my dad wouldn't pay for summer school because he claims I was just lazy and now I have to go back to the school and do everything over again after being known as an 'advanced' student. Sorry for ranting.. but what do I do? I'm lost here, and I don't have energy for anything. I am on medication, and this issue has been addressed by my psychiatrist, but the medicine just doesn't hit me at all.