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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
The Darkness Offline
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Exclamation Friend's mental health got me triggered - March 29th 2017, 08:45 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I have PTSD over being hosptialized, it's my main trauma. I have such a hard time facing the fears and actualization of facing what happened to me at the hospital in therapy that I avoid it at all costs and talk about every other irrelevant thing which I know is a bad thing to do because I should be working on my traumas and getting better instead of bottling it up.
So, this past week one of my closest friends went AWOL on us and me and my other closest friend kept wondering what happened to them. Turns out they OD'd on nyquill week before spring break and went to the hospital for 2 weeks. They got on meds and are getting back on their feet which I'm so glad and thankful for, and today we all hung out, grabbed coffee, and talked about what happened to them. I made them some rice later on and we were chatting back and forth about their experience and my experience in hospitals and I wanted to be really supportive and all and share what I felt and experienced, and we shared diagnoses and chatted about it all. I described in detail the scariest experiences for me and I was so triggered. So f*cking triggered. I wanted to scream and yell and run away and hide inside, but I sat there, calmly discussing what I went through in full detail and I just couldnt stop. At one point maybe my mentality was catching up with me and I kept blanking out on what I was saying and had long pauses while I tried to say what I wanted to say. I'm like shaking now because this all just happened an hour ago and I want to cry and curl up in a ball.
But I didn't wanna tell my friend that I was high key triggered because I didn't wanna like silence them because they were talking about their experience too and I didn't want them to feel like they couldn't share and be open with me.
I dont know I'm shaking I dont know how to either zone out and chillax and sleep I just need to do something and I dont knwo what.....


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Friend's mental health got me triggered - March 30th 2017, 01:06 PM

It's good that you acknowledge that in therapy it's better to talk about your traumas rather than bottling it up. Perhaps this is something you can work towards?

It's lovely that you wanted to be supportive towards your friend, especially when they were going through a difficult time. It's very understandable that on the topic of hospitals you would get triggered, despite appearing to talk about your own experiences calmly. I'm wondering if even though you were triggered, it helped a bit being able to talk about what you went through? It can be scary opening up, but it can provide a release and we may notice that once we start talking, it can be difficult to stop (especially if you bottled it up!) Understandably though, when you realise what you had been talking about, the reality may set in and you may notice things like blanking out and shaking. It may have been that it was too much in one go for you.

It's understandable that you wouldn't want to tell your friend that you were triggered because you wanted to be there for them and to support them. You could always mention it in future, if that's something that you would prefer. Even if you just say that you don't mind listening and supporting your friend, but perhaps may want to limit how much you talk about your own experiences if they are still triggering for you.

How are you feeling now? After you are triggered, it's good to look after yourself. Whether you choose to exercise and get rid of the adrenaline that way, or choose to wrap yourself up in blankets and watch a film to distract yourself, it's good to take care and realise that you aren't in that situation anymore and that you are safe now.


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The Darkness Offline
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Re: Friend's mental health got me triggered - April 1st 2017, 12:04 PM

Hey,
Thanks for the reply. Like I said in the post, I tend to avoid and talk about ever other irrelevant thing in therapy. I made some progress in talking about what's been on my mind, my secondary trauma, and it was a little hard but I'm excited and eager to go to therapy again so we can continue. I want to tell my therapist to do something so we don't stray from the topic, like pre-plan the topic and ease into it or something. Today was good because we eased into talking about my secondary trauma but I admitted, half jokingly, that I will never be able to face my primary trauma. My therapist didn't deny or reject that notion, like most of my previous therapists have, and I really appreciated that because whenever therapists would do that it would feel pushy and forced.
As for me being triggered, it didn't help at all. I think it actually made my entire week worse. Like just right now, I keep having deep, vivid flashbacks of those times and I feel I'm in a constant triggered/dissociative state. Like some moments I'm so hyper aware of everything: triggered, and then other times I'm so lost and nowhere in reality: dissociative.
I really don't ever want to admit that my friend triggered me tbh. I feel that even if they get so better that it's like mental illness who? it's never gonna be a good time to admit it. There's some sort of guilt I would feel if they even felt slightly bad for triggering me and me not telling them. Even if they're not even moved by it and they're like Oh! Sorry 'bout that. And move on, like I would feel so awful and guilty for it. I don't know, I guess that's just how I operate.
The only way my friend talks is if someone else talks first, and I didn't want to push it, but I also wanted to know what was going on in their life without sounding like I'm prying. I felt like talking about my experience would let some steam off them because I know it can be very troubling and traumatizing for someone to go through what they went through.
Like I said, I don't know if I'm truly ok. I feel this event opened up a new door where old symptoms are coming back and manifesting subtly, and growing more exponentially the more the days pass.


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

   
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