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The Darkness April 16th 2017 09:29 AM

Therapist isnt listening
So, last session with my therapist, I felt like he's not listening to me. I feel like he thinks he knows me when we just met in like February or something?
See, I was ranting and raving about the friendship drama (which I feel I only post about here) and he kept saying that I should focus on myself and not care about what others say. That I should bring my self esteem up so it's not hurt by "a pebble". And no matter how much I explain that's not the fuckin issue the issue is that I need to learn how to speak to and deal with these people because there will always be people who want to hurt me. I feel like I don't need to bring up my self esteem. And then, its not like it was some random bully calling me ugly. It was my best friends calling me abusive. And he can't seem to understand how major that is. It's not like they're nobody, they're somebody.
So now he's saying tell me what you want with therapy. What I wanted originally is to get over my traumas so I don't have to be in therapy anymore. But like, I need him to understand now that likability is what gets people through this new age life. You can't succeed without likes. And if someone is spreading rumors that I'm an awful abuser to the entire goddamn group then I lose all my friends. They isolate me! They're the abusers! And my therapist has to understand that. Like having good self esteem won't make me an unstoppable force because no one is like that. It's impossible.
When I told him he's not listening to me he quickly interjects "No I hear you!!" with such swift defense, it makes me wonder if he really is.

Kate* April 16th 2017 04:44 PM

Re: Therapist isnt listening
Hey there, it's okay to find a new therapist if he's not right for you, and if this isn't a recent issue (everyone has bad days), I'd consider it.

I think he might be saying that if you (hopefully meaning together) raise your self-esteem then that's your solution for dealing with people. Like you say, there will always be difficult people, but you can get yourself to a place where they don't bother you as much. Not that that will make you bulletproof, you're still human, but negative crap from others will be less painful. I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I think that's what he meant.

Either way, you should feel listened to and like he understands what a big deal these things are to you. So, my 2 cents is bring this up with him, and if you feel unheard or it doesn't change, start looking for someone else. Remember, therapists work for you, do if they aren't what you need, it's okay to say so.

The Darkness April 16th 2017 07:41 PM

Re: Therapist isnt listening
See, I get that part, but what he kept insisting is that the issue is a pebble when it's actually a big rock. He says things like getting validation isn't necessary or something? I think validation is necessary but he doesn't and is trying to make me see things from his viewpoint and not mines and there's where I think he's not listening because no matter how much I articulate things he says ok well and tries to convince me to see his way of thinking. I mean, he's just an intern, but I had interns before and they were really great so I don't see what's the big deal.

Kate* April 16th 2017 07:58 PM

Re: Therapist isnt listening
The point of therapy, at least sometimes, is to alter your thought patterns or the way you see things, but not necessarily to make you think like your therapist. Personally, in a perfect world, I think validation wouldn't be necessary and wouldn't matter, but we don't live in a perfect world and other people's opinions matter. To you it feels bigger than he realizes, but I don't think just telling you it isn't as big a deal as you think helps, whether it is or not. I would try explaining this to him if you can get him to listen and then try someone else.

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