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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Clizard Offline
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Unhappy I don't know what to do - May 8th 2017, 08:46 PM


I don't know if this is the right place to put this so if it isn't feel free to move this.

I've been having a lot of problems with myself and my parents. So I have chronical headache for 7 or 8 years now and ever since I go to high school it's been getting worse. this year it is so bad that I have mist more than half of school.

I think my headaches are a big part of my problem, it been making me feel really insecure about myself and I've been doubting myself alot.

I also have alot of fights with my parents. My mom is very stressed most of the time because she almost manages everything in our house for herself, me and my brother. I think most of her stress is because of me with my headaches, school and medical appointments.

I really dislike it when my mom asks if I'm okay. I always tell her I'm fine because I don't want to cause her more strees. But I'm not fine for the last week I've been feeling really sad and just not motivated to do anything and I don't know why.

When I feel like this I start to think a lot of bad things about myself things like that I am useless and don't deserve the love I get. I have been talking about this to my best friend and my boyfriend and they help me but I don't want to tell them every time. I don't want to put them up with all my problems but I also don't want to be alone with myself because of my thought. I'm scared that when I am gonna hurt myself.

I also have a lot of problems with my dad. He's addicted to a mobile game. He has six acount on this and its been driving me crazy always when he is home he is playing that game and it is more important than anything else. If you ask him to help you can wait a hour before he will come because he has to do something in his game.

I really dislike it when he talks a specialy if it's about me and my health. When there are friends of my parents over he acts like he knows every thing about how it's going with me even to me he talks like that then and I can get so mad when he does because in real life he doesn't know a thing. He always acts different when there are other people around. He's very nice and caring when they are but when were just alone as a family he can be a real jurk. Although most of the time he doesn't bother me because he is busy with his game.

I don't know what to do

I'm sorry if this is a little all over the place but I just need to get this out.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: I don't know what to do - May 10th 2017, 04:00 PM

Hey there and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear about your chronic headaches. They must be awful to deal with and understandably you won't feel like learning. Have you been to the doctors about your headaches or have any treatment plans in place? It may also be worthwhile seeing an optician in case it's eye related, and generally keeping yourself hydrated as well.

I'm sorry to hear that your mom is stressed as well. Parents can get stressed, especially when there are health concerns, but it doesn't mean that you are a burden. Understandably, you may feel like you don't want to tell your mom that you aren't fine as you don't want to stress her out. But it sounds like she may genuinely be asking how are you, and I'm wondering if it may be worth being honest about your feelings rather than hiding them instead? I'm sure your mom genuinely cares and wants to help and support you, rather than thinking you are a burden or a stress to her.

I'm really glad that you have the support of your best friend and boyfriend. Just like your mom, I'm sure they don't think you are a burden either and instead they care about you too. You are not useless or unworthy of love. Perhaps when you feel this way you can list all of the things that you like about yourself and that others like about you? This will help you to realise that you have many good qualities, despite your struggles with your health.

I'm sorry to hear that your dad is addicted to a mobile game and doesn't seem to be available to you. I'm wondering what other support you could get, perhaps from a counsellor or someone else you trust? Counsellors can be great at supporting you through difficult times and it sounds like you could do with some more support.

As for your dad, while it is natural that seem people may act differently when there are other people around, it's no excuse for him to treat you any less when you don't have company. Is it possible to try to talk to him and ask him for support when you need it? Or perhaps you could get your mom to talk to him instead?

No need to apologise. In fact, it's very good that you just wanted to vent about everything and I hope that it helped a bit!

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I don't know what to do - May 10th 2017, 04:44 PM

Sorry to hear that you are struggling a lot.

>>I think my headaches are a big part of my problem, it been making me feel really insecure about myself and I've been doubting myself alot.

- I am so sorry that you are suffering from headache a lot. Do you know any ways that can relieve the condition other than external medications? Does more sleep and rest helps? Exercises? Sorry that I couldn't help much, I would if I know how! I understand why you are doubting yourself a lot. But I also think you shouldn't do that! I know it must be constantly bugging you all these years and causing a lot of distress and dissapointment, but always remember that you are no different from others when it comes to your future. I am sure you can do great things in future just like other people!

>> I really dislike it when my mom asks if I'm okay. I always tell her I'm fine because I don't want to cause her more strees.

- It must be tough. It must be very very tough when you can't rant to your mum about all your problems, because of her stress. I want to tell you that you are very considerate of doing so, and I can tell how much you love her. But I want to tell you that you can still tell her how you felt. And I want to assure you that despite all these, even though her stress is mainly due to your medical condition, she still loves you very much. You are everything to her, simply because you are her daughter, and that's why she would do everything to pay your medical fees.

And all she wants is to see you healthy and happy again. The worse thing you can do to her is to hide how you feel and be more depressed. Thats exactly what she doesn't want to see from you. Tell her how you feel sad because of your headache, and that you are depressed about the things in your life. Do assure her that you will not burden her and you will fix your own life, but know that she will always be willing to listen to you! By the way, since Mother's Day is coming soon, use this opportunity to tell her how much you love her. You might not imagine how much this mean to her!

>> When I feel like this I start to think a lot of bad things about myself things like that I am useless and don't deserve the love I get.

- I know how horrible you must have felt, that it seems like its all your fault because of the headache. You might think that you dont deserve love. But you deserve love for sure. First, you deserve love from your mother, so does she from you. No matter how you are, you are the precious daughther to her as always. Next, you deserve friends, and in your case a boyfriend, who will always listen to you when you need to. They are your friends for a reason, and you definitely didnt ask too much from them to listen to your problems. What you dont deserve is to be alone, and thus I am glad you reached out here

>> I also have a lot of problems with my dad. He's addicted to a mobile game.

- I do not know much about your father. Is addiction the main cause of the problem you have with him? If this is the main reason then I think you can try to do something to help him. Perhaps you can try to tell him how his addiction has caused a lot of problems not just himself, but his family members too. Convince him that its damaging your relationship with him, and you want to make a step to fix it because you want a loving father back that you deserve. I hope that he will understand, and when he does, encourage him to stop that addiction and constantly remind him when he is about to play that game again. It takes patience, but its possible to overcome the addiciton over time.

You mentioned that he is no longer nice to you when no others are at home. I don't really know, but is it possible for you to talk to your father about what you don't like about him? I hope that he still cares about you and is willing to accept your opinions. Otheriwse is it possible to talk to someone else outside your family about it? Its good if you can get help from someone else about your dad, in case he is really mean to you. Of course I hope this is not the case!

I hope he is a good father, but probably having some unknown stress and handled it in a wrong way by playing games. If you think this is the case, then its really a good idea if you open up to him and ask him what is bugging him all the time. I hope if you show him your care and love, that can make him realize he should spend more time on his family, because they loves him and needs his love too.

I really hope things will get better for you. Do write to us how it goes!

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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