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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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~Radio Flyer~ Offline
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New diagnosis - May 25th 2017, 10:01 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm not really fond of announcing my diagnosis on a public forum so I won't specify it. But it is a very stigmatized illness.

I hot a new diagnosis that I found out today. I am having a hard time coming to terms with it.


I am used to being diagnosed with a form of depression.

Sometimes dd-nos, sometimes major depression, sometimes persistent depression. But it was always a form of depression in some way or another.


It is really hard to cope with it. I am starting to feel suicidal because everything I worked on to feel at least slightly self compassionate abd okay is getting undone. I am questioning everything.

Part of me is do angry. Why am I the "sick" one? I wasn't the one who chose to come here on earth, my parents chose that for me but then they couldn't care for me in the way I needed them to. And now this is all my fault and the diagnosis is proof that this is all my fault and that im a bad person.

I feel like I should isolate so no one has to be around a horrible person. But then I feel guilty because I know a few friends who could really use the support.


I'm supposed to call a domestic violence hotline and j don't want to anymore becsuse I keep telling myself I'm a liar and I'm bad and crazy and i pushed away the support and keeo invalidating the validation I was given that my situation was abusive. But if if we're happening to someone else I could recognize it as wrong but with me, I deserve it.


I try so hard to learn effective cimmunication, active listening, expressing compassion and especially with kids I try to be nurturing abd supportive and create a safe environment for their emotional needs.

But I keep feeling like I'm a fraud and a fake and I am incapable of going into the heloing profession of becoming a social worker of working with the children population.
   
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Re: New diagnosis - May 26th 2017, 01:08 AM

Your diagnosis does not define you. This diagnosis does not mean that you can't be compassionate, empathetic. It doesn't mean that all the kind things you've done are fake.

I would advise that you talk to your therapist and ask them what it means to have that particular diagnosis. I also think you should consider talking to the psychiatrist who diagnosed you and ask them what led them to believe that you have that diagnosis.


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Re: New diagnosis - May 26th 2017, 01:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Abibliophobe~ View Post
Your diagnosis does not define you. This diagnosis does not mean that you can't be compassionate, empathetic. It doesn't mean that all the kind things you've done are fake.

I would advise that you talk to your therapist and ask them what it means to have that particular diagnosis. I also think you should consider talking to the psychiatrist who diagnosed you and ask them what led them to believe that you have that diagnosis.
I am going to see my therapist on Tuesday. I thought of texting her but I decided to wait till Tuesday.

I have a follow up intake with a certain program on Monday. I am thinking of showing him the assessment and let him take copies. But I also signed a consent form allowing him to request copies of it himself. There is some contradicting information between this recent assessment, the assessment in December and what I told the intake coordinator. There are some topics I deny just to avoid talking about them. But I am glad that at least this recent assessment I was able to be honest about certain things (though not everything) and when I show it to the intake coordinator on Monday he will hopefully have a better understanding of what I meant when I hinted at certain things but wouldn't say it directly.

The program is an intensive therapy with various classes and I believe it is very timely to my recovery process.

However, this is a side issue but there is someone I know, or rather a brother of someone I am friends with and I am not comfortable being around him and I am worried about that. I also do not feel comfortable going to the support group that I've been going to because since I've invited my friend, I found out she's been telling her family things i've said in the group and then her brother started asking me questions about it and I didnt really want him to know in the first place and now that he is in this new program, he might do the same thing in terms of telling my friend things about me if I say it at the program.

I have an appointment for a second opinion coming up with a different psychiatrist.

I don't really want to go back this psychiatrist that made the diagnosis because when I had asked him what my diagnosis was, he wouldn't tell me so it seems like he doesn't want me to know.

I had that happen in the past. A counselor had put down "deferred" and then use language that describes the disorder I have now and when I googled the technical language he had used to describe me, I would see that it pointed to that disorder. But then when asked directly what he meant by "deferred" he told me "nothing" and then I had told my therapist I thought i had that disorder and she told me I fit a lot of the criteria but she wasn't sure I had the full blown thing but that other members in my family seemed to have it but I am the only one who self harms (and the only one who would see a psychiatrist) so that it is possible I will be diagnosed with it.

The psychiatrist wrote that this is based on the available information and subject to change based on newly available information. So that makes me thinks he may not be sure yet.

My therapist and I have already have talked about how I have traits of this disorder but I haven't told her yet that I was officially diagnosed. I hope nothing changes in terms of how she views me. But last time we spoke about it, I felt like i had to defend the person with this disorder because she seemed to say how people with this disorder lack self awareness and that they'd never go to therapy because they dont believe they have a problem. I had to tell her that the person who created a very famous therapy program had this disorder and she a)had self awareness enough to help herself b) had empathy because she developed a program to help others with this disorder and provided hope for recovery

I had to tell my therapist that yes, people can have empathy and still have this disorder.

We didnt talk about it more since then. Except recently when we talked about my father and his inconsistent behaviors she said it was a typical profile of someone with this disorder.
   
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Re: New diagnosis - May 26th 2017, 09:39 AM

There are people in my family who probably have the diagnosis. However, one of them doesn't have insurance and can't get treatment and the other person never wanted help. They only wanted medication. Anyway, both people don't share the same exact characteristics. The thing is that no two people have the same exact symptoms when they have a mental illness. Some things might be similar but those symptoms are going to vary from person to person. So, just because lack of empathy might be something that some people have it definitely doesn't mean that they all will have it.

As for the group and your friend and her brother; when people go to groups they are told not to disclose the stuff they hear there. I don't think they sign anything but they give a verbal agreement and are, at least, made aware that what is shared in group stays in group. If your friend or her brother discloses stuff about what takes place in group you can talk to the person in charge of the place and let them know. They would want to know something like that because 1) it violates patient confidentiality and 2) the therapists rely on the confidentiality to help their patients feel comfortable sharing their struggles. If the person in charge knew someone was sharing information about group outside of group they would talk to the person and determine what the best course of action to take is.


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