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i need to help my girlfriend - September 15th 2017, 10:10 AM

hello,
me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 months now and to begin with it was great we were both really happy, i knew she suffered with anxiety and depression but she seemed to be able to handle it quite well, however last week out of the blue she left me which broke my heart but then this week she had an anxiety attack at college and i called her and she got back together with me then.

however she has been crying every day and self harming and last night we had a talk anbd she said she wanted to leave me and then she broke down crying and said she didn't and she was really scareed because she doesn't feel right and i'm really worried about her as this is a long distance relationship so i can't see her until next week. we have been looking into it and i believe she may be bipolar or suffer from borderline personality disorder and i am really worried for her i haven't ate for a day and didn't sleep at all last night.

i suffer from depression and anxiety and this has been really upsetting me and i don't lknow what to do to help her, she seems really sick and she keeps crying and stuff and i'm scared she will do somethoing bad and hurt herself again, she means the absolute world to me and it would kill me if i lost her i love her more than anything and i just want her to be happy.

she does have a therapist she does see but that's not until the end of the month and i'm worried she will hurt herself or worse before that, she is meant to be coming to stay over at my house next weekend and i really want to try and make her feel better, i'm just worried she will leave me again because i want to spend the rest of my life with her she's my soulmate and i want to help her as much as i can.

please can someone help me i'm desperate
   
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Celyn Offline
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Re: i need to help my girlfriend - September 15th 2017, 05:37 PM

Hey there (and welcome to TeenHelp!)

It's touching to see how much you want to help your girlfriend!

I'm sorry to hear that she struggles with anxiety, depression and self-harm. Understandably you would be worried about her hurting herself. Perhaps to help with the self-harm, you try to encourage her to look into alternatives and distractions. We have some ideas for alternatives here. Anxiety attacks can be very scary to go through, but remind your girlfriend that even though they feel horrible, they are harmless. Perhaps encourage her to deep breathing exercises, or listen to relaxing music. Also, let her know that it's totally okay (and healthy) to cry if she feels like it.

It's great that she has a therapist, though I understand it must be frustrating that she has to wait to see her. Is there anyone else that she can talk to, such as a relative, teacher, school counsellor? If not, she can try contacting hotlines instead, and we have a few suggestions here.

It's great that you've taken an interest in your girlfriends mental health, and want to support her. But it's also good to try to avoid self-diagnosing too, though I understand your concerns.

It must be so heart breaking for you to watch your girlfriend suffer and worry both about her and the future of the relationship. However, if she does break up with you, though it will be very upsetting, it can help to remember that it's more likely to do with her struggles than with you personally. As hard as it may be, if she does want a break from the relationship, then she may see it as better for you both when she might not be feeing very stable. Whatever happens, you'll both get through this.

Speaking of which, I understand that this must be a very difficult situation to be in, and it's lovely that you want to help your girlfriend. But you also need to look after yourself, especially since you have depression and anxiety. Take the time to do all the usual things that you do, including eating and sleeping, even if you don't feel like it.


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Re: i need to help my girlfriend - September 16th 2017, 08:18 AM

Thank you for being there for her.

Give her hope that she won't have to live like this forever.

There is hope if she goes to a doctor the doctor can treat the underlying problem and she'll feel much better.

Colleges often have student health centers and counseling centers where students can get all the health care and counseling and support groups and anything else that might be of help to them.


   
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Re: i need to help my girlfriend - September 24th 2017, 10:55 PM

I don't know the exact situation, but I might suggest telling her parents if you are really worried that she might hurt herself badly. My friend has called my parents before, and although I was annoyed, I really needed it and he saved my life. She will forgive you, but you have to have the courage to do the right thing if it gets to that point.


The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns.
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