School.

[Silvan]

Hi.
Since school started on Sep 4 I haven't been thinking of anything else. I think about it all the time and even if I'm forced to focus on sth (e.g. horse riding) school and my problems with studying and interacting with people is constantly at the back of my head. There has been only one time when I actually wasn't thinking about it for more than 10 minutes - when I skyped with someone very important to me. Unfortunately we can talk rarely.
I tried to distract myself with pleasant thoughts many times. I tried my family, old friends, pets, favourite places, best memories. Each time ended with tears because I missed those carefree days.
So I'm basically standing in front of a 'choice' - I can either cry because I miss something or cry because of school.
It doesn't matter what I'm doing. Be it commuting back home, eating, showering. Every day, even on weekends, school's my first thought when I wake up. That's how much impact it has on me and how stressed I am about it...

[hocus pocus]

Hi,

One thing you said was that you can cry because of school or cry because of other things, such as the carefree days you long for. Something to think about is that although crying can sometimes be uncomfortable and tiring it is a good outlet to release your feelings and you may feel a little bit better afterwards. If you feel like crying, and you are comfortable enough in your environment to do so, give it a try.

You mentioned problems with studying. Do you mind sharing those with us? We might be able to give you tips and techniques that can help you out. Do you know what kind of learner you are? Some people like to listen, while others learn by watching, and some learn by hands on activity related to the material. If you know what way you like to learn you can look for study techniques based on that.

If you're having trouble with the material you are learning, don't hesitate to ask for help. If you don't want to ask during class, you could ask before class. Some teachers let students come in for help before and after school, or during lunch. Asking for help can be difficult but that is what your teachers are there for.

What is it like for you to interact with people? Is there a part of it that you struggle with the most? Maybe you can share more with us if you feel comfortable doing that so we can get more information on how you're struggling.

It sounds like you have done a lot of things to keep your mind busy so you do not think about school. Even though these things are not working, keep trying them or try new things. Hopefully they'll work eventually or you'll find a go-to distraction over time.

[Silvan]

Originally Posted by Cassado

One thing you said was that you can cry because of school or cry because of other things, such as the carefree days you long for. Something to think about is that although crying can sometimes be uncomfortable and tiring it is a good outlet to release your feelings and you may feel a little bit better afterwards. If you feel like crying, and you are comfortable enough in your environment to do so, give it a try.
You mentioned problems with studying. Do you mind sharing those with us? We might be able to give you tips and techniques that can help you out. Do you know what kind of learner you are? Some people like to listen, while others learn by watching, and some learn by hands on activity related to the material. If you know what way you like to learn you can look for study techniques based on that.
If you're having trouble with the material you are learning, don't hesitate to ask for help. If you don't want to ask during class, you could ask before class. Some teachers let students come in for help before and after school, or during lunch. Asking for help can be difficult but that is what your teachers are there for.

What is it like for you to interact with people? Is there a part of it that you struggle with the most? Maybe you can share more with us if you feel comfortable doing that so we can get more information on how you're struggling.

It sounds like you have done a lot of things to keep your mind busy so you do not think about school. Even though these things are not working, keep trying them or try new things. Hopefully they'll work eventually or you'll find a go-to distraction over time.

Dear Cassado,
thank you for your reply. I also believe that crying is helpful, but probably not so excessively.
My problem with studying is very strange. I'm very good at languages, to the point that I have won many competitions etc. But that's basically it. I'm not really good at anything else. Well, I like Polish (my native language) and History, but I don't excel at them. Then there are Chemistry, Physics and Biology and I have completely given up on them because I can't understand anything. I won't have to study those (except for Biology) from next year but I'll always have to study Maths. There are some branches of Maths I'm good at but there are some I can't get, no matter how try I hard.
What often happens during lessons is that the teacher asks something everybody makes up their answers, but I can't for some reason. Nothing comes to my mind. And if I have to solve something on Maths, I stare at a task for a long moment before I can start slowly solving it, while everybody else solves it in a flash. Also I can't even think of an interpretation or analysis of a poem on Polish, a subject I used to think I was not very bad at. I don't know why it takes me so long to do everything while the rest can do it way quicker. I often feel really dumb at school.

I don't know how to describe my interactions with people. When I sit in a group, I'd much rather take out a book and read. If I can't I simply listen to them, but I never talk unless someone asks me something. First I don't feel the need to talk to them, second I never even know what to say. I never say anything on lessons too, that's why teachers always think I'm not paying attention or that I'm doing something else. And if I'm supposed to say something out loud I get very stressed and I forget everything even if I'm prepared way better than enough.

[del677]

Thank you for your story.

Stress will do that.

Do you also have difficulty looking at other people in their eyes?

From your description it could be some form of autism. Or Asperger's. Only you can say.

Autism is too broad a term I'm not sure what it means. It seems to be a catch-all term for anything involving difficulty socialilzing, though that's not really the definition, just a symptom.

Asperger's is supposedly a type of autism. I've been told I have a mild form of Asperger's.

It seems to have something to do with reading other people's eyes. Like the eyes are supposed to have a lot of "information" in them. But I don't really see "information", I just see eyes.

So if I don't "read" other people, the way other people do, then I'm missing out on a lot of unspoken cues that I never knew were there, and I end up having more difficulty socializing, because I basically have a form of blindness.

Anyway, it might be easier to side step what this might be, and just move on to what can be done about it.

Oh, I might explain how stress can cause all this. Stress shuts down the prefrontal cortex part of the brain where rational thinking happens, and the person's mind goes blank. Works great if you're being chased by a tiger. Terrible in modern day society where there are no tigers. (Though I'm not advocating adding tigers to our cities.)

If your current school isn't working out for you, there may be some alternative options.

Depending on where you live, the local rules may vary from place to place, but in general, if you can get a diagnosis that puts you in a special category (whatever "special category" is defined as may depend on where you live), but if you can get a diagnosis, then it can open a lot of doors for you, as in they may be required by various laws to provide you with alternative options (again what alternatives are available may depend on where you live). One of the alternative options may work out great for you.

Sorry I can't be more specific. If you find the right person who knows the right administrative moves to make and can advocate for you, they might know what to do.

(It's also possible the school might not want to tell you of your options, because it might cost them money, and that bottom line usually is what motivates them to not tell you, or to lie and say you have no options, or you don't qualify, when in fact you do qualify, and there are great options available for you.)

Anyway. I have trouble with schools which are too big, too many students. I do better in smaller schools, smaller classroom sizes. Less stress on me.

Reducing stress also takes work. I understand the runaway mind part. Learning how to stop that runaway mind is what meditation is about. Takes a bit of practice but can be a very useful tool once learned.

You can research "Mindfulness". Or, alternatives are the Mindfulness Motion Exercises of Yoga, Qi-Gong, Tai-Chi.

Also possibly researching Asperger's and what those people do that are helpful for them might be helpful.

Possibly finding a structured support group that's small and you fit in and you don't have to talk you can always pass and just listen. That might be helpful. Would need to find out what's available in your area. Find someone who's familiar with what's available in your area. (The school might know, or might even have something set up. Colleges may be more likely to have something set up. Though it's kind of hit or miss. Sometimes many groups exist, sometimes no one ever bothered setting up a group.)

There are Qi-Gong videos on youtube. I've never done it alone, always enjoyed doing it in a group.

Buddhist places often have meditation classes. Other places might also have groups or classes. (Not sure if to call it a group or a class. Usually someone leads, it may be a guided meditation, where someone guides the group through the meditation.

Oh, there's also a lot of guided meditation apps you can download onto your phone. (Again, it's the practicing it that makes it work. Maybe start with just one minute. See if you can focus your mind on the present moment for just one minute, and let go of those endless thoughts for just one minute. Most people can do it for about 10 seconds, then their mind starts to wander. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the present moment and let go of that thought. The mind will probably wander every 10 seconds or so. Just keep bringing it back to the present moment.)

[If you want something to research, "Sympathetic Nervous System & Parasympathetic Nervous System", or "Polyvagal Theory."]

Best wishes!