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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
rebwvodka Offline
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Unhappy Homicidal - September 24th 2017, 10:19 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I really want to kill people. I'd like to shoot up my school I know it's a bad thing but deep inside I don't care. I don't have any empathy, I think I'm a psychopath. I'm obsessed with the Columbine shooters, TJ Lane, Dylann Roof, Jeffery Dahmer etc. I haven't told anyone because I know I'm a freak. Theres other things I describe myself relating but I think ill leave it at that.
ps I WONT actually do anything.
   
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Re: Homicidal - September 27th 2017, 10:35 PM

Firstly, it's great that you have realised you won't act on any of your thoughts. It's also very good that you have realised there are some things that cause you concern about your thoughts and interests and have felt brave enough to share them with us.

No-one here can diagnose you, but it's fairly common to be interested, even a bit obsessed with crime and homicide. It's taboo and not very often talked about, which can make it seem fascinating and interesting. This doesn't make you a freak.

There may be all sorts of reasons why you feel you lack empathy, and many reasons why you may feel like you don't care about your school, especially if you feel left out or bullied. And sometimes that can lead to thoughts of harming others, which can also be common. But you've realised that you won't act on these thoughts and have even wondered why you might have these thoughts.

I understand that you haven't told anyone, but I'm wondering how you would feel about talking to someone, perhaps a professional like a counsellor or doctor? You don't have to open up about everything straight away but you could say that you have violent thoughts and feel you don't have empathy and perhaps concerned about psychopathology. Remember that not having empathy doesn't mean you are a psychopath- there are other reasons like depression, feeling numb (dissociation) and some learning difficulties that can contribute to feelings of lack of empathy.

Remember that thoughts are just thoughts and that you don't have to act on them!


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Re: Homicidal - September 28th 2017, 02:33 AM

Yes, you could very well be a psychopath. Please check your self into a mental hospital IMMEDIATELY. Killing people is wrong and there is no reason to kill innocent people and cause pain to their family.

Please check your self into a mental hospital IMMEDIATELY.
   
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Re: Homicidal - September 28th 2017, 05:17 AM

Hello,

I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to share these thoughts with us. I know that was probably hard to do. The first thing I want to address is you saying you think you might be a psychopath. That is a diagnosis that you would have to see a doctor about but there are people who have these particular thoughts and are not psychopath. Self diagnosis is never a good thing to do and when you take an abnormal psychology class one of the first thing the professors tell you is to be certain not to self diagnose since it is likely you will identify that you fit the diagnosis for a number of different things. The teachers I have had emphasized that most people can have a large amount of the symptoms of a number of mental health issues but they might not actually have them. They talk about seeking out a professional diagnosis if possible.

Something I want to touch on is the comment you made about lacking empathy; I used to feel that I lacked empathy and there were times but, for me, the feelings of lacking empathy had more to do with trauma and untreated depression. Since I am not a professional I cannot say for certain but it is very possible that there are other things going on for you that could be causing you to have these thoughts and feelings about killers.

One thing I would suggest is that you try and seek out someone who can help you. This can be tricky because there are a lot of mental health professionals who have strong biases when people talk to them about something that they don't agree with. A lot of these biases are due to lack of understanding but it can lead to a person who has similar thoughts and feelings as you not getting the appropriate help.

I am not familiar with how Scotland's health care system works but if you can ... maybe you could call around to some psychologists and see if they have ever worked with people who have dealt with similar feelings. A therapist that has experience would be better to go to.

One thing I want to say is that back when I was going to therapy more often...my therapist told me that there are people that have homicidal thoughts and would never act on them.

I am not trying to downplay these issues or anything like that because, of course they are serious, but having these thoughts do not automatically make you a psychopath. Getting a diagnosis for something like that is a lot more complex and it is definitely something that you would be better to leave to actual professionals.

I wish you the best of luck.


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Re: Homicidal - September 28th 2017, 09:33 AM

I love your username! took me a moment to figure it out. Now I'm smiling.

Yea midbrain being primitive, emotional, simplistic, will go for the quick easy solution that seems satisfying in the moment.

Frontal cortex, being rational, logical, big thinker, will think "Hold on, let me analyze this for a moment. Doesn't seem like a good idea."

They are like two wolves, endlessly fighting.

(This is where the boy asks, "Which one will win?")

The one you feed.

Work on cultivating loving thoughts.

it'll take work, but in the long run, may save your life.

it doesn't change overnight. just start with one minute, and think something positive about someone you like. that's it. simple exercise. one minute, may seem like a long time at first. we're just exercising this part of the brain, and like exercise, it will eventually become stronger.

(There's a lot more, but that's a good start.)
   
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