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TH Anonymous Offline
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Exclamation Urges wonít go away - December 15th 2017, 03:23 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[SIZE="a"]K. So I’m new to this but I didn’t think it should go in the SH thread since I’m not currently having any serious struggle with it. So a few months back I got pretty down. Like on a scale of one to ten, it was maybe a 3-4 if depressed but around a 7 on anxiety. I cut a few times then (that calming release is crazy) but stopped because lasting scars scare me to death. I got one on my wrist that isn’t going away and it sucks because I see it every time I’m on my phone and it’s an annoying reminder. Every now and then I want to cut again. Ok. This next part is gonna sound wierd and messed up but everyone has always had those oddly embarrassing thoughts. If there was world where, in some instant, I could do anything and it would have no affect on me now, I would mess up my wrist bad. I’ve thought about what it would be like to just tear it to shreads. Just something as simple as a simple as a edited. Omg that sounds baaad but I gotta try and convince you that it’s not. I mean, the thought is but I would never ever do it with the consequences. So every now and then I have this urge to cut and last time I went without doing so and I was doing good but went I first stopped, I feared knives and didn’t dare touch one. Now I’m just like “what the hell?” Every damn time I’m mad I just get glimpses of cutting. You know how when your really mad you just think, “I could strangle you” but never do because, well, that’s stupid. Same with this. I’m just thinking “gimme a knife and some time and I’ll be calm” but I never do. Today I had one of those urges and I got bored and flipped a edited. The tip nicked my palm and it was as small as being poked by a sewing needle. At first I didn’t think much of it but then the urge went away and I was calm. I just thought “dammit, guess that counts.” I’m sure they will go away over time but any ideas?[/size]

Last edited by Hypothesis.; December 18th 2017 at 06:32 PM. Reason: Please do not include explicit methods of self harm.
   
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Re: Urges wonít go away - December 17th 2017, 10:14 PM

Depression and anxiety often go together and they can be difficult to deal with so I understand that it can be tempting to self-harm. And as you have found out, cutting can feel like a release. But it's a negative way of trying to cope since you are only hurting yourself more.

Since the scar on your wrist is a reminder, maybe you can try covering it? It may still be there but at least it might not be such a reminder to you. How do you try to deal with the urges to cut? We have some alternatives to self-harm that you might want to check out
here. You can also try the 15 minute rule where you wait 15 minutes and see if you still have the urge. If you do, you can challenge yourself to wait another 15 minutes. By doing this, you can learn that the urges will go away with time and you don't have to act on them.

Your thoughts are not stupid or messed up. I'm wondering if you notice other feelings that come up when you have thoughts of seriously harming yourself (even if you wouldn't)? What makes you want to hurt yourself so badly? Maybe the anger that you talk about, might also be responsible for these thoughts. Anger can be difficult to deal with, especially when it comes with thoughts of self-harm. Perhaps trying to find ways of dealing with anger, might help you to have less of these thoughts. You could try counting backwards from fifty, taking deep breaths, going for a walk or slowly sipping a drink, whatever helps you to calm down. For expressing anger, you could try punching or screaming into a pillow, ripping up paper or doing some vigorous exercise. You may still have those thoughts, but remember, you don't (and likely won't!) have to act on them.


Since you have been self-harming and have thoughts of self-harm, I'm wondering how you would feel, talking to someone about how you feel, whether that's a friend, family member or counsellor? Sometimes talking about feelings can help a bit, especially if you can have counselling where you can explore your feelings and find ways of dealing with urges better.


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