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hollyberry06 Offline
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Should I just end it all? - November 13th 2018, 07:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm a little bit scared and really depressed right now, and I'm trapped...

I'm 16 and I'm in college (Since I live in the UK) studying Animation. My course is going really well, but that's about it. Everyone respects me pretty well, but they never talk to me. They don't invite me anywhere and treat me sort of like an outsider, like a loner. It makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me, something that puts other people off making friends with me... And I'm kind of bitter about it, because my twin sister is also in college (On a different course) and she somehow made friends, even though she was much more negative about making friends than I was...

And I can't even talk to my Mum about it, because I told her that I was feeling much better since I left school. I don't want to disappoint her and tell her that I'm feeling down again and I want to see someone.
I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but everything I look at online and online tests I take say that I should see someone about anxiety and depression. But, I'm so anxious and shy that I can't bring myself to do it.

And, things have got really bad with my Dad. My parents are divorced and I'm having problems with my Dad that are really stressing me out.

I'm trapped by my problems and there's nothing I can do to help it. I'm so lost and scared and I have nothing to make it better...
I just feel like... I should just end it...
I haven't got any friends, I feel depressed and down, I'm always lonely and stressed... I just can't cope anymore.
The only thing preventing me from doing it would be my Mum, because I don't want to do that to her.

Last edited by Celyn; November 13th 2018 at 12:25 PM. Reason: Adding prefix
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Celyn Offline
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Re: Should I just end it all? - November 13th 2018, 12:58 PM

I'm so sorry to hear how you are struggling feeling low, lonely and having issues with your dad. That's a lot to be dealing with. But it's not a reason to consider suicide. You might not see it now, but things can get better.

It can be really difficult when we don't get invited out and feel like we are on the outside looking in. I think it's natural when this happens to start questioning ourselves and whether there is anything 'wrong' with us. More so if your twin sister has made friends, despite her seeming to be more negative about making friends. Is there anyone in class that you feel a bit more connected to that perhaps you could take your time to get to know better? Or anyone that has similar interests to you that you could talk to? As frustrating as it can be, sometimes we have to be the ones to reach out to others instead of waiting for them to reach out to us. Depending on what kind of places your class hang out at, maybe you could just tag along or invite yourself? This may increase your chances of being included and getting invited out more.

It's good to hear that you are feeling better in college compared to school, and it's lovely to see that you told your mum this. But it's also okay to mention to your mum that even though things are generally better, you still aren't feeling so good yourself. You won't be disappointing your mum at all. Life is complicated and I remember being in a similar position myself where I thought things would be better after leaving school, and they were, but there were still things I needed to address in myself. So it's okay to feel this way. There's no shame in asking for help and I'm sure your mum would want whats best for you.

Struggling with possible depression and anxiety is difficult, more so when you feel you need help but are too anxious. If possible, try talking to your mum about this. It's good that you have a rough idea about what you might be dealing with and perhaps you might want to make some notes about things that you have struggled with in the past as well as in the present. You can then go to your doctor and have a chat with them. If you want, you can take your mum with you for support, or to help explain things to the doctor if you feel unable to. Your doctor will be able to screen you for depression and anxiety and will be able to refer you onto appropriate support such as group or individual therapy (most likely CBT), give prescription for medication or refer you for diagnosis or more specialised support depending on your needs and wants. It can seem scary, but doctors and other professionals are there to help you. They aren't going to judge and have seen many people struggling with mental health. You may benefit from the help available so you have nothing to lose and don't deserve to suffer in silence.

Things seem complicated with your dad. Is there anyone that you can talk to about this? When we get stressed, it can be worse keeping our feelings to ourselves. If you don't feel comfortable opening up to people, you can journal your feelings or even talk about things here on TeenHelp.

You're having a really difficult time at the moment, and it makes sense that you feel trapped and are looking for an escape. But suicide isn't the answer. If you have a plan, then it's best to go to A&E. If you feel suicidal or area having suicidal thoughts, you can also contact the Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/

Take care

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