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Noire Online
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Psychosis? Intrusive thoughts? - January 25th 2019, 04:23 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was in a psychiatric hospital for eleven days due to a suicide attempt following extreme homicidal ideation. While I was there I started seeing blood running down the walls. Now, I wasn't SEEING it with my eyes- I could see the wall was blank. But in my mind's eye there was blood running down it. I could even smell it. It seemed to briefly go away, as did my homicidal ideation, when they increased my Lexapro to 40 mg. I was released Wednesday feeling it was before I was ready, but they were basically kicking me out the door.

Since then I feel like I've been losing my shit. I was fine for a day, but then they mind's eye started happening again. The walls are moving. Cabinets are opening. People's mouths are splitting open. Black goo is coming out of the ceiling. I'm "seeing" none of this with my eyes, but in my mind it's very clear.

What's happening to me? Am I going crazy? In my twenty years dealing with mental health issues I never recall this happening. Is this OCD? Am I just experiencing psychosis? HELP!

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Re: Psychosis? Intrusive thoughts? - January 28th 2019, 06:13 PM

Sorry you haven't received a reply yet and sorry you are going through this as it sounds awful.

It does sound too close to call. I've always assumed that with psychosis featuring hallucinations, you would be disconnected with reality and may assume that you are actually seeing these things and perceive them to be real. However, I have known some people to be aware of their hallucinations.

At the same time, if you aren't actually seeing these things and only see them in your minds eye, and presuming you aren't dealing with other psychotic symptoms, then it may be intrusive thoughts from OCD.

Are you able to talk to your psychiatrist or another mental health professional?

You're not going crazy. Even if it was psychosis, it can be treated. Hang in there

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