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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Paranoia - February 6th 2019, 01:22 AM

I recently had a psychotic episode due to an increase in medication and was hospitalized for it. Once the medication decreased, my psychosis did too, except for one thing: the paranoia. Before I went in, I thought the lights in my house were evil, as were the air vents. I made my partner remove all stuffed animals from the bed and turn them away because I could feel their eyes on me.

When I was in the hospital, and psychotic, I would talk to the lights. Those lights seemed friendly, until I realized there were too many, and then I was scared. There were pictures of fish along all the walls, save in the bedrooms and the hallways the bedrooms were along. I was angry about the fish, and wanted to destroy them. I did destroy some property while I was there, but that was more due to agitation than paranoia. I also felt the news people on the TV were watching me. In my head I heard them saying they wanted to kill me. This was AFTER I was no longer in psychosis.

At home now I can mostly ignore it, but now I feel like EVERYTHING is watching me. Especially the lights and the stuffed animals though. I don't have TV at home so I can't watch the news, which means I don't know if that's still a fear anymore.

Basically I still feel a little crazy.

I talked to my outpatient psychiatrist today and she doesn't want to change any of the meds they altered at the hospital. She says it is too soon.

What do I do? How do I cope with this?


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Re: Paranoia - February 7th 2019, 04:53 PM

Sorry to hear you had a hard time with psychosis. It's really good that you are on medication now and feel a bit better!

If things like lights and soft toys are still bothering you, is it possible to hide/cover them up? Also, depending on how you feel, you might want to try to do things that distract or help to relax you a bit. Since you are on medication, and it seems like you have more insight, it might help to try to remind yourself that nothing is watching you or that this is just a by product of the psychosis.

Even if you can't change your medications now, definitely keep in touch with your psychiatrist. If possible, you might want to have someone around who can help you keep track of your symptoms and if you don't already, have a crisis plan in place in case your symptoms increase.

Take care :hugs:


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Re: Paranoia - February 9th 2019, 09:46 PM

Holly,

Thanks for your response. I have turned the stuffed animals so they are facing away. The lights are harder. I keep them off as long as I can but then A) I start to feel depressed laying/sitting in the dark and B) I feel like and idiot for being in a darkened room just because I'm scared of lights.

I try reality checking, and my partner helps too. These thoughts are so REAL, though. Like, I know the lights aren't going to kill me, but I am terrified they are watching me. I don't know who or what they are reporting to- just looking to my every move I guess.

My anxiety is worse, too. I'm not sure what to do.


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Re: Paranoia - February 9th 2019, 10:24 PM

What are you doing for yourself? Do you get out of your home every day? For how long? Do you get any social interaction with anyone besides S? Do you have a hobby or project that you are invested in now?

These questions in my opinion are vital, because if you are not doing anything, that's going to increase the symptoms and make them even worse. You sit around and think about them, your mind wanders and feeds you false information whether you want to hear them or not.

Definitely reach out to your psycharist about this. Maybe they can come up with ideas for you to cope in ways besides what you already have available. Such as going for a walk, or finding a new hobby, or something that will get you occupied long enough that the thoughts and voices die down.

Please note: I am not blaming you at all! But self-care and changing your habits and/or environment can help.

Best of luck.


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