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TH Anonymous Offline
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Angry Change - April 18th 2019, 05:37 AM

[SIZE="a"]So I am very jealous and clingy. When I was younger I would get mad when people hung out with others that weren't me. I would even go as far as to make notes "from" the person, talking about how bad I was and how they were glad I was away and gone. I hate to admit my mistakes but I know its wrong. And now its happening again, I feel like I'm being replaced by another friend, someone who my other friends relate to more, someone that has opinions that aren't different from theirs, I just feel left out. Like for example, I have a dog of a species they don't like, they tell me I'm dumb and stupid and make crude jokes of "You should kill your dog, they're worthless." That's not something to joke about, I told them to just stop and drop the topic but they still kept going, even as far as to name our group "(dog species) hating group" and it really hurt me. You probably say I should leave them but I don't know who else to go to, maybe I'm just exaggerating because I'm jealous and can't handle the fact that they're better than me.[/size]
   
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Re: Change - April 18th 2019, 07:30 PM

Hey there,

Firstly, I think it's good that you acknowledge your feelings of jealousy and clinginess. I also think it's admirable that you realise you have made past mistakes based on these feelings too.

Your feelings are valid. It can be hard if you don't have many friends and find that you really get on with someone, only to find that they have other friends that you don't quite like. It also makes sense that you would be concerned about these other friends 'replacing' you. But it's also okay for someone to have multiple and different friends. Your friends like you for who you are. And you are irreplaceable.

I'm really sorry to hear how these friends are treating you. The comment about your dog is, as you say, not something to joke about. It's good that you told them to stop and I'm saddened to hear that they just carried on.

You aren't exaggerating and these other friends aren't 'better' than you. I know it's hard but try not to compare yourself to them. No-one is 'better' or 'worse' than anyone else. We are all different and deal with things in different ways. When you get these worries about being replaced, it might help to think of all your positive qualities, how you are a good friend (and how you can improve) and think of all the positive moments you've shared with your friends to prove to yourself that they like you. If you are tempted to act on something, try to take a moment and think about whether doing something would make the situation or your feelings worse.

As for the friends who aren't as nice to you, it's up to you what you want to do. You could leave them if you wanted and stay friends with those that are nice to you. Or you could try arranging a routine with your friends so that they spend half their time with the friends you don't like, and half of their time with you. When you aren't with them, maybe you can try looking for friends that you can relate to? Or you could continue spending time with them and either try to improve your friendship with those you don't like and ignore any hurtful comments they make towards you/let them know you won't tolerate those comments. That said, if the comments become more like bullying, you'll have to weigh up whether it's worth staying with these friends if it ends up causing you more harm than good.

I'm wondering if you have ever spoken to someone about these feelings? A trusted friend, family member or teacher? Sometimes it can help to have people to reassure and validate others. They might also be able to help you find other people you may get along with (it's always good to keep friendship options open). You might also want to consider counselling to help deal with these worries of being replaced. Counselling can give you a safe place to explore your feelings and help you to overcome or manage them in a healthy way.

Hope this helps a bit. I know it can be very difficult dealing with change and worrying about being replaced


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