TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Imaginary Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Imaginary's Avatar
 
Location: Arkham Asylum, Gotham City

Posts: 193
Join Date: January 14th 2009

Detailing my day: what the fuck is wrong with me? - June 29th 2009, 06:18 AM

Today I had been extra anti-physical contact and high strung, almost OCD with my habits. We went out to a restaurant and my family really freak me out. They always want a hug, and whenever they do, their hand always, ALWAYS!!! brushes against my buttocks. I donít like it. It scares me. I donít know if itís just me, but all my relatives seem to touch me more than my cousins who are far better looking than I and I donít want to be around them. My mother just trivializes my hatred of humins. I hate people. I wish they would all die!! Iíll just be a misanthropic recluse for my whole like. I just want to kill myself. GAH! What the fuck is going on?

My mother just went outside and I started making a sandwich. I start freaking out and hyperventilating. I say loudly over and over ďLeave me alone mom/mother/I donít remember the exact wordĒ even though there is no immediate threat, I just feel like Iím reliving something I donít remember. I run into my room after I make my sandwich, because for some reason I feel I wonít get food if I donít hide. I know Iíve done this before, because I can remember doing this frequently.

Why the fuck is this going on? My mother used to have serious anger issues, and I donít remember any of my childhood (other than my vast collection of failures), but an occasional slap shouldnít make me freak out like this. Sheís only ever hit me when she was really pissed off, and as far as my egregious memory tells me, I always retaliated or defended myself.

I remember I used to be terrified of her, and I thought that this fear had abated. Iíve never been comfortable with herÖ. Or anyone really. That might be why I trust her more than most people: who else am I going to go to? I was terrified of her. She would wake me up and I would tense, oh god get me out of here. Why the fuck did no one care that she scared me so much? Oh god, I donít know what the fuck is going onÖ

On the plus side, this is mildly entertaining. Though, being the entertainment myself, as soon as I acknowledge its amusement value, it stops being amusing, and just becomesÖ something I donít have a name for.

I donít like people touching my dishes. And I donít like my dishes being washed. If I used a dish or a fork or something, itís mine. I donít like people touching them. If it will prevent them from being washed or touched, Iíll keep eating and eating even though Iím full. Stop touching my fucking dishes!


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Katrina Offline
you only live once.
I can't get enough
*********
 
Katrina's Avatar
 
Name: Katrina
Gender: Female
Location: New York.

Posts: 3,114
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: Detailing my day: what the fuck is wrong with me? - June 30th 2009, 04:37 PM

Hey there.

Please understand that we reply to threads on a volunteer basis. Also, we all have lives too, and most of us do not spend them sitting in front of the computer, so if we are a little late replying, I do apologize, but I suppose that's how the cookie crumbles around here. If Live Help is online when you need it, perhaps you could use that. Or the chat room? There are many other ways of getting advice on TeenHelp, all of which are outlined here. Also, we do have a list of hotline numbers which are tollfree, won't show up on phone bills, and most stay open twenty-four hours. If you'd like to check that out, please feel free to do so here. I hope that you are able to find what you're looking for.

Have you ever spoken to a professional about this? Someone who can properly diagnose you and even medicate you, if necessary? Someone who can also give you some good ways to cope with whatever you may be going through? If not, I don't think it'd necessarily be a bad idea. I mean, it certainly wouldn't hurt, right? It might stink to actually have to talk in detail about what you're feeling, but you more-or-less just typed it out to us, so hopefully it wouldn't be that hard. You should check into that if you have the chance.

Obviously, you've had a less than stellar past with your mother, but I'm proud of you for pushing through it and picking yourself up/brushing yourself off when you fall - that's great. Keep on heading down the right path.

Take care of yourself - sorry I couldn't offer more constructive advice; mental health isn't my forte. Best of luck, though!



  Send a message via MSN to Katrina  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
I'm A Pyschotic Neurotic.
I can't get enough
*********
 
i_am_me_again's Avatar
 
Name: Jaymi
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3,203
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Detailing my day: what the fuck is wrong with me? - June 30th 2009, 05:02 PM

Hi Imaginary

Im so sorry the way you feel. I know you said you forget things. but please, try writing things down. Or alternativly show this thread to a doctor, seriously, its not fair you struggle like you do.


Today I had been extra anti-physical contact and high strung, almost OCD with my habits. We went out to a restaurant and my family really freak me out. They always want a hug, and whenever they do, their hand always, ALWAYS!!! brushes against my buttocks. I don’t like it. It scares me.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but all my relatives seem to touch me more than my cousins who are far better looking than I and I don’t want to be around them. My mother just trivializes my hatred of humins. I hate people. I wish they would all die!! I’ll just be a misanthropic recluse for my whole like. I just want to kill myself. GAH! What the fuck is going on?


I really dont think they mean to brush your buttocks, when I get hugs, the same happens to me. I also get my boobs brushed because they kind of get in the way. It think you just may be paranoid, it may feel like your buttocks are being brushed more, but because you are aware of that, you think they touch yours more than your cousins.
You hate people...do you hate me? Do you hate the people on TH?
Why do you want to kill yourself, you know, your such an amazing person. You deserve a life, just because things are difficult for you, you can get help. You deserve help.

My mother just went outside and I started making a sandwich. I start freaking out and hyperventilating. I say loudly over and over “Leave me alone mom/mother/I don’t remember the exact word” even though there is no immediate threat, I just feel like I’m reliving something I don’t remember. I run into my room after I make my sandwich, because for some reason I feel I won’t get food if I don’t hide. I know I’ve done this before, because I can remember doing this frequently.

It sounds like you are insecure and scared. When you start hyperventaling and freaking out, just take a sit, and breathe in a rythmic, relaxing order. Count to 100 slowly and think of nice things. Why do you think you wont get food? Have you havnt had food given to you before? If you can remember doing this freqeuntly, then its no wonder you are scared of not being fed. Why dont you write a diary esepcially for your diet. If your mum feeds you, write a tick, if she doesnt a cross and then you can see the situation you are in more clearly

Why the fuck is this going on? My mother used to have serious anger issues, and I don’t remember any of my childhood (other than my vast collection of failures), but an occasional slap shouldn’t make me freak out like this. She’s only ever hit me when she was really pissed off, and as far as my egregious memory tells me, I always retaliated or defended myself.

If your mum has anger issues then she needs help. It doesnt matter if shes only hits you when she is pissed of or not. Thats not allowed, its abuse and should not be tolerated. Im so glad that you are writing this down and Im glad that you didnt take her abuse without a fight.

I remember I used to be terrified of her, and I thought that this fear had abated. I’ve never been comfortable with her…. Or anyone really. That might be why I trust her more than most people: who else am I going to go to? I was terrified of her. She would wake me up and I would tense, oh god get me out of here. Why the fuck did no one care that she scared me so much? Oh god, I don’t know what the fuck is going on…

Do you think you have a personality conflict? Because is she is an angry woman and you just generally dont get on, then things can erupt. I dont think people didnt care, I think maybe people didnt know.

On the plus side, this is mildly entertaining. Though, being the entertainment myself, as soon as I acknowledge its amusement value, it stops being amusing, and just becomes… something I don’t have a name for.

Nothing about your post is entertaining. I take you 100% seriously. It doesnt stop being amusing....thats why you dont have a name for it. It never started to be amusing.

I don’t like people touching my dishes. And I don’t like my dishes being washed. If I used a dish or a fork or something, it’s mine. I don’t like people touching them. If it will prevent them from being washed or touched, I’ll keep eating and eating even though I’m full. Stop touching my fucking dishes!

I completely understand how you feel. I really get worried when people touch my plate, forks, knives, etc. I have my own cutlery at my flat and the staff have theirs.

Listen

You know Im always here for you. I know you can get through. Sorry if I havnt helped. I have tried my hardest to be honest and say what I think.

I really hope you are ok.

If you want to talk, you know where to find me

Jamie
xx


HelpLink Mentor & Forum Moderator

PM me!



Our lives are like music.
It hits its high and low notes,
But in the end,
It all turns into a perfect melody
  Send a message via MSN to i_am_me_again  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Imaginary Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Imaginary's Avatar
 
Location: Arkham Asylum, Gotham City

Posts: 193
Join Date: January 14th 2009

Re: Detailing my day: what the fuck is wrong with me? - July 1st 2009, 06:55 AM

Sorry I was a little mean guys. And thank you; you both helped.

I snorted something in the bathroom and was a little messed. It didn't really do anything immediately, but I think it impaired my judgment a little.

I don't hate you, I just hate people in general (misanthropes often have people they don't wish would die in a fiery hell).

I don't know if I can go to a doctor. My mother just chooses someone and if I don't like them, I'm supposed to keep going anyway. I often get anxiety attacks and shit. I don't like them, especially when they condescend to me.

I don't know why I fear my mommy so much. She's really a nice persun, and she hasn't yelled at me since the over-dose. She invades my space which pisses me off (today she cleaned my room without my consent). I really shouldn't be scared of her, should I?

I'm sorry, I'm very selfish. I've been very selfish for a while. I don't know what's wrong with me. Do you realize how fucking stupid that is? If you're going to do something, do it right! Somehow, I can never get being selfish right. It's supposed to be, if you're selfish, you're aware of it and don't give a shit! I'm selfish and I do give a shit, but don't have enough will to change it. Man, I dislike myself.


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
day, detailing, fuck, wrong

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.