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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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SweetAndSour Offline
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Name: DJ
Age: 27
Gender: Male

Posts: 6
Join Date: March 19th 2009

I really don't like myself. - September 7th 2009, 09:35 PM

The reason I put this in mental health, is because 1. I'm not that bad off and 2. All my friends tell me there is nothing wrong with me and that they all love me, but for some reason I can't believe them.

In fact I'd probably say the only thing i like about myself, are the people around me. I live alone with my mom, but we have a lot of family around town, so thats no problem. My dad was put in prison when I was young, but he's been out since I was five, and I see him fairly often and talk to him. I hold no grudge against him whatsoever.

All my friends tell me I'm the funniest person they know, but I just don't see it. When I really think about it I'm just the most selfish person I know. I go to a rather rich school, but I'm only there on financial aid, and have to take the bus. So a lot of the time I end up boring money from and getting rides from my friends. No extravagant amounts of money, just like 5 dollars to go out for food.

So on to what I don't like about myself, besides everything haha. I'm rather short and skinny for my age. I'm 17 and 5'5" and weigh 115. I have a medium acne problem and a stain on one of my two front teeth. Everyone tells me I'm good at public speaking, but I don't see it. I've never really been on a date. Everyone tells me "you will find someone who will love you so much you wont know what to do." but I'm just curious how come i haven't met anyone who in 17 years who would even consider dating me.

I have 2 passions (which has always been my favorite word ) in life. The first is Japanese, which I'm not yet fluent in but have been taking for 7 years. The second is film making. But I didn't realize this till last year, and now I'm in my senior year, and trying to convince colleges I'm a great film maker, without any experience...

I've been such a burden on people all my life. My mom would be better off without paying for me to go to private school. All my friends wouldn't have to worry about how to pay for me to go to a movie and how I'm going to get home. I've contemplated suicide in the past, but I overall decided that I owe everyone way too much just to run away. I desperately want to repay everyone in my life for all they've given me even though I don't deserve it and I don't deserve them, but I have nothing to give back and it's tearing me apart. I can't even stand being around them knowing they're such better people than me. I just don't know what to do.
   
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