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Hear my whispers in the dark..
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Name: Jen
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Unhappy PTSD... :( - October 3rd 2009, 09:15 PM

So, I'm 20 years old and I have had PTSD since I was 12. I've been on medication since I was 17, though I'm still having it tweaked. (I also have Bipolar and OCD.)
Before I was on medication, I rarely slept and never knew that there was a name or a treatment for what I had. I was scared constantly. The meds helped. Lately though (like for the past year), it hasn't been having consistent results. Some nights I'm fine, but then others I'm a complete wreck. It had gotten really bad this summer, and my parents even got me a puppy to sleep with me and help me to feel safe. She really helps, but I am still having a hard time...I feel like I'm a totally different person at night. During the day, I'm quiet and withdrawn but I still feel sane. At night, I feel completely lost. Before I go to bed I shut and lock everything, and secure it with duct tape. I sleep with a light on, and tv on to drown out the sounds I hear in my head. I hear noises at my window, and I hear it opening, I hear people whispering my name. I barricade myself in my bed so no one can touch me. But lately that hasn't been working. Last night I was trying to go to sleep and all of a sudden it felt like someone's hands were around my neck, choking me. I couldn't breathe and their grip wouldn't loosen. After struggling to get away, I looked around and there was no one there. Then I felt someone pushing down on me when I was laying down. I couldn't move my legs. I looked and I couldn't see anyone, but I could feel it. Something was there. Sometimes I think they're demons. So I lay there shaking and whispering quotes from the Bible, over and over again, trying to make them go away. I really think that I'm crazy. And I don't know how to fix it. No matter how much my medicine gets increased, it doesn't go away. And if they are really demons, no amount of medicine is going to make it go away. Thinking about that makes me really depressed. I can't go on like this if I'm never going to get better. If I'm never going to be able to go to sleep at night without being afraid that I'm going to die.
I just don't know what to do anymore...


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That's a waste of time.
And life isn't about being perfect,
It will never happen.
Life is about finding yourself,
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Moved to a new town again :(
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Re: PTSD... :( - October 3rd 2009, 11:14 PM

If it's been 3 years since you've started trying medication and it's not helping very much have you concidered trying in-patient therapy or maybe something like ECT or there's a new thing called TMS my friend had done. I know they may seem a bit extreme but they might help you where medication isn't, it's worth bringing up with your doctor at least.
   
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